New Computer Comic Strips - Page 93

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 17, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #tennis, #racket, #interested, #colorful, #all-plastic, #titanium, #alloy

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Dogbert stands in front of a store with a sign that says, "Tennis rackets on sale." Dogbert tells the salesclerk, "I'm looking for a new racket." The clerk says, "You're probably interested in our colorful all-plastic rackets for pathetic beginners." Dogbert replies, "No, actually I'm interested in the titanium alloy Deathstick 3000." The salesperson laughs and says, "Ha ha! As if a dumpy little pooch could handle that kind of power on the court!" The salesman hands Dogbert a racket and says, "Here . . . You can touch it, but I'm only humoring you." The salesclerk crashes through the wall. Dogbert holds the racket and says, "This is the perfect racket for those who don't take losing gracefully."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 07, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #lesson, #presentation, #males, #Women, #act, #phony, #woman, #subjected, #empathy, #conversation

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Dogbert stands at the front of the room and says, "Today's lesson is just for men . . . Lights please." Dogbert shows a slide that says, "Acting sensitive even when you're not." Dogbert says, "As males, we know that women can only tolerate us when we act phony." Dogbert continues, "This is what happens when a woman is subjected to honest male opinions." The slide shows a woman screaming. Dogbert continues, "Fortunately, even the most ridiculous lies can sound sensitive." The slide shows a man saying, "Nice hairdo." Dogbert continues, "And new research shows that women want EMPATHY in conversation, not male suggestions." Dogbert continues, "This discovery frees you to think about other things while they talk." Dogbert advances the slide projector. The slide shows a man saying to a woman, "Ooh . . . How sad," while he thinks, "Sports." Dogbert asks, "Questions?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 06, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #reccommend, #switch, #technology, #questions, #career, #graph, #anticipated, #declining, #sense, #self-worth, #progresses, #answering, #presentation, #prepared

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Dilbert stands in front of an overhead projector. He says, ". . . Therefore, I recommend that we switch to the new technology . . . Any questions?" A man sitting at the conference table asks, "Dilbert, are you willing to bet your career on this?" Dilbert replies, "Yes, I would definitely bet my career." Dilbert continues, "You would too if you had MY career." Dilbert places a transparency on the projector and says, "I have a view graph which anticipated your question." Dilbert points to the diagram and says, "This chart tracks my declining sense of self-worth as my career progresses." Dilbert continues, "At the low-point, here, I'm reduced to answering imbecilic questions while pointing a little stick at the wall." Dilbert arrives at home and Dogbert asks, "How did the presentation go?" Dilbert replies, "There's such a thing as being too prepared."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 15, 1997's comic on:


Tags #pointless presentation, #trade show, #usual time wasting, #filler, #morres law, #netscape, #comparison, #ironically, #impassioned reminder, #awards

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Alice approaches the Boss at his desk with a paper in her hands. She says, "I've prepared your pointless presentation for the trade show." She continues, "It's got the ususal time-wasting filler: A graphic of Moore's Law, a "Netscape" comparison, and ironically..." "...it ends with an impassioned reminder to think in new ways, " Alice finishes. The Boss comments, "Maybe I should give out some awards, too."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 18, 1997's comic on:


Tags #statement of core values, #change behavior, #planning to poiosn, #sarcasm, #necessary

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The Boss walks by Dilbert, who follows holding a piece of paper and says, "Can you explain how the company's new "Statement of Core Values" will change my behavior?" The Boss sits down at his desk. Dilbert continues, "I was planning to poison the town's water supply. But wait! It's against our core values!" The Boss says, "Is your sarcasm absolutely necessary?" Dilbert checks the document and says, "Let me check. Hmm... it's not addressed."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 28, 1997's comic on:


Tags #great news, #sell product line, #strongest comepetitor, #not viable, #amazingly stupid, #integrating line, #work here

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The Boss walks up to Dilbert who is sitting at his computer. The Boss says, "Great news! Our strongest competitor offered to sell us their product line." Dilbert says, "Obviously they think their products are not viable. We'd have to be amazingly stupid..." The Boss interputs, "And you'll be in charge of integrating their product line with ours." Dilbert finishes, "...to work here."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 29, 1997's comic on:


Tags #engineers, #secret code, #little probelms, #technology, #managers, #agreed, #comapny

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Dilbert and an engineer from the other company sit at a table. Dilbert has a laptop computer open. Dilbert asks, "Tell me the truth. Use the engineer's secret code if you must." Dilbert continues, "Are there any little problems with the technology that my managers agreed to buy from your company?" The other engineer laughs, "Ha Ha Snort Snort Ha Ha Ha!!!" Dilbert types into his laptop and says, "1100111... Good. Go on."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 30, 1997's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #integrate, #bad technology, #idiot boss, #good etchnology, #throw away, #bad tech, #pure veil

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Dilbert sits at a desk with a computer on it. Dogbert sits atop the computer. Dilbert says, "It's my job to integrate the bad technology that our idiot boss bought with the good technology we already own. Your advice?" Dogbert waves his arms in the air, "Throw away the bad technology. Goof off until the next planned upgrade of the good technology. Tell your boss the improvements are a result of his brilliant buying decision." Dilbert says, "Wow. That's almost pure evil." Dogbert says, "You're welcome."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 08, 1997's comic on:


Tags #open book management, #repurchasing stock, #unpaid overtime, #ignorance is bliss, #highly motivated

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Dilbert stands before a manager, possibly the Boss. He says, "I appreciate your new "open book management" philosophy." Dilbert continues, "For example, I've learned that we're repurchasing stock while I'm working unpaid overtime." Dilbert says, "Yet I remain highly motivated because I understand that income and equity are distinct concepts." The manager says, "Who said ignorance is bliss? Ha!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 23, 1997's comic on:


Tags #digital pager, #phone has pager, #built in, #dinosaur

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Ratbert says to Bob the Dinosaur, "Envy me, Bob. I have a digital pager and you don't." Bob says, "I don't need one. My digital PCS phone has a built in pager function." Ratbert says, "Oh, wow." Ratbert sits on the back of Dilbert chair and says, "But the worst part is that he only uses it to clean his ears." Dilbert is working on his computer, "I taught him that. The vibrating action is excellent."