One Chair Comic Strips - Page 93
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Caption: Dogbert the C.E.O. Dogbert sits at desk while lady says, "The 'United Charities' would like you to be chairman this year." Dogbert says, "I'd be honored. Oh, and while you're up, cancel the company health plan." Caption: One week later... Man at podium that reads 'United Charities' presents Dogbert an award. Man says, "Under his leadership, our free clinics have handled TWICE as many people." Dogbert accepts the award and responds, "Thank you."
The Boss peaks into Dilbert's cubicle and asks, "Where's the budget forecast I asked for?" Dilbert replies, "I put it on your chair this morning." The Boss walks away thinking, "I'd better look again." A view of his back shows that there is a piece of paper on his behind.
While The Boss sits in his chair, Myron gripes while holding a memo, "My name is Myron, not Moron!" As he walks away, Myron continues, "Next time that you run spell check, don't automatically take its suggestions." The Boss thinks, "What's 'spell check'?"
In an alien space craft, two aliens converse with one another. One is dressed as The Boss and holds a 'The Boss' mask. The Boss is in a containment unit. The Boss alien says, "I think the earthlings are getting suspicious." As The Boss alien puts his mask on, the other alien replies, "Keep acting competent and caring. Our prisoner says that's how leaders act on their world." Back in the office, Carol sits at her computer terminal while The Boss says, "Carol, let me do the org chart on my PC. You have too much work already." Carol yelps, "AAAGH!"
The Boss is naked in a prison tube on an alien spacecraft. Two aliens outside the tube. One says, "Tell us your management secrets, earthling." The Boss responds, "You have too many full-time aliens flying this UFO. Downsize half of them, then roll out the ISO 9001 process." Back in the office, Dilbert and Alice listen as The Boss, who is supported by crutches and has a perplexed look on his face, finishes his story. "...But despite all of my help, they still plowed into a snow-covered alp."
Caption: Catbert: Evil H.R. Director. Catbert sits behind a desk, a women sits on the other side. The woman says, "I'm grossly underpaid for the type of work I do now." Catbert says, "Write a description of your current duties. I'll be happy to do a compensation review." Caption: Based on a true story. Catbert says, "Sadly, it appears you're not qualified for your own job. But one of your subordinates is." Woman's eyes widen.
Dilbert sits at his computer. The boss hands him a piece of paper. "I'll need this vital information by one o'clock." Dilbert thinks, "If I do a shoddy job, I can finish this and still make it to lunch!" Dilbert eats lunch with Alice and Wally. Dilbert says, "Today I traded my work ethic for a banana." Wally says, "I ate that banana years ago."
Catbert talks to the boss. The boss sits at his desk. Catbert says, "The employees aren't falling fror the old "intangible benefits" story anymore." The boss says, "Uh-oh. We don't earn enough money to give tangible benefits to employees AND stockholders." Caption: Stockholder meeting. The boss presents a sign that reads "Stock" and has a plummeting line. The boss says, "...Now let's discuss your intangible benefits..." One stockholder pulls a gun. Another stockholder waves his can and curses.
Caption: Dogbert Consults Dogbert and the boss sit at a desk. Dogbert is in the boss' chair. Dogbert says, "My recommendations are based on an analysis of accountability." The boss says, "Ohh." Dogbert says, "As a consultant, I'm not accountable to your stockholders. So I can recommend anything that amuses me." Dogbert says, "I recommend that you convert all of your U.S. dollars to elbonian currency... whatever that is." The boss says, "The eyecrud."
The Boss, Wally and Alice sit at the conference table. Wally says, "This project needs your complete attention." Alice says, "Wally's right. Forget the other projects and focus on that one." Wally, Alice and Dilbert eat lunch. Dilbert says, "Did I miss anything at the meeting?" Wally says, "We got you a little helper for your project."