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Dilbert: Do you ever feel guilty for scamming innocent people out of their money? Dogbert: "No." "I only scam people who would do the same to me if they were just smarter." Dilbert: "So you use arrogance to cancel guilt?" Dogbert: "It's a good system."
Asok: "I did a statistical analysis and found no correlation between my efforts and my rewards." "I felt adrift in a sea of radomness and absurd, devoid of purpose, lost." "And then I got paid and I purchased some unnecessary merchandise and now I feel fine." Wally: "Lactation can't be far behind."
Tina: I think we should talk and try to work out our problem. Dilbert: "What problem?" Tina: "I'm referring to your utter disrespect for me. Dilbert: I don't disrepect you." Tina: "Not even slightly?" Dilbert: "Wait. I feel a little bit coming on right now."
Senior management has decided to move our office out of this high-crime area. "Because every one of them was beaten up in front og the building by a guy with pyramid-shaped hair.'<Br>"Police released this sketch. The guy likes to yell something about a "fist of death.""
Asok: The conference call was a huge sucess. "Three out of 15 people were available and only one of them forgot to call in." The boss: "So it was a phone call between two people?" Asok: "It would have been if they hadn't used the mute buttons."
Dilbert: "My marketing plan involved giving free samples of our cruddy product to celebrity lookalikes." "The fact that it worked caused a steep decline in my respect for the intelligence of people." "In conclusion, there's a fine line between marketing and hating."
The Boss: "Carol, I decided to take the entire staff out to a five-star restaurant for lunch." "The food is so good that it's almost intoxicating. When paired with the right wine, the experience is a once-in-a-life-time sensation." "While we're gone, you'll need to answer everyone's phone."
"It's too bad that we share a cubicle. Otherwise I'd date you." "If it didn't work out, we'd have to see each other every day." "...Always reminded of our incredible time together." "Where's the bad?!! Where's the bad?!!"