A Comic Strips - Page 94

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Asok Approves

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Asok Approves - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 04, 2016's comic on:


Tags #desperate, #desperation, #intern, #subordinate, #value, #importance

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Asok: I hear you need everyone's buy-in to proceed with your project. Dilbert: Everyone except you. No one cares what interns think. Asok: May I please approve it so I feel alive? Dilbert: Well... okay. But you owe me one.

Wally Gives Approval

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Wally Gives Approval - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 03, 2016's comic on:


Tags #laziness, #signature, #ignorance, #reading, #fine print

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Dilbert: I need everyone's buy-in on this. Wally: Do I have to read it? Dilbert: No. Wally: That's the sort of idea I can get behind.

Topper Signs Document

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Topper Signs Document - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 02, 2016's comic on:


Tags #one-up, #best, #competition, #deception, #trick, #signature

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Topper. Dilbert: I once signed my entire first name to a document. Topper: That's nothing! Watch me sign my entire full name to that document! Dilbert: Sometimes you can be predictable. Topper: That's nothing! I don't even have free will!

Alice Gives Approval

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Alice Gives Approval - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 01, 2016's comic on:


Tags #deal, #support, #negotiations

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Dilbert: Our pointy-haired boss asked me to get everyone's buy-in on this. Alice: I'll agree to your stupid idea if you support my great idea later. Dilbert: Deal. Alice: Should I read it? Dilbert: I don't see why.

Boss Makes Dilbert Get Buy In

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Boss Makes Dilbert Get Buy In - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 31, 2016's comic on:


Tags #managers, #purpose, #use, #useful, #threat

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Boss: I'll approve this if you get buy-in from the rest of the department. Dilbert: What value are you adding to that scenario? Boss: I'm not firing you. Dilbert: In that case, keep up the good work.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 30, 2016's comic on:


Tags #hypothetical, #worst-case scenario, #pessimism, #nightmare

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Boss: What's the worst-case scenario? Dilbert: A rogue nation could insert a cyberweapon on our software. The virus could destroy all technology on Earth. Lacking the means to communicate over great distances, single people would only be able to marry people who lived nearby. I could end up marrying your daughter. That would make you my father-in-law and my boss. That nightmare would cause me to denounce humankind and go live in a park, naked, with a family of squirrels. When winter came, I would be forced to strangle the squirrels, one by one, to make myself a coat. I can't tan leather, so that would be a senseless tragedy. Boss: Let's try to avoid that.

Dilbert In Wrong Meeting

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Dilbert In Wrong Meeting - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 29, 2016's comic on:


Tags #awkward, #meeting, #embarrassed, #embarrassment, #business

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Dilbert: I just realized I'm in the wrong meeting. My best bet is to slowly sink below the table and slip away. Someday, when my grandkids ask what I did for a living, I'm going to say I was unemployed.

Men Who Do The Driving

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Men Who Do The Driving - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 28, 2016's comic on:


Tags #dating, #driving, #Men, #conversation, #relationships

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Woman: I like a man who always offers to do the driving on dates? Dilbert: Like Uber? Woman: But less expensive, and no waiting. Dilbert; So you're saying I'm better than Uber? Woman: You would be if you didn't talk.

Alice Takes On More Work

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Alice Takes On More Work - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 27, 2016's comic on:


Tags #work ethic, #laziness, #workload, #philosophy, #semantics

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Alice: Why do I keep taking on more work while you do noting? Wally: That's because you optimize for productivity, while I optimize for my happiness. Alice: That makes you a freeloader. Wally: I prefer the label "happy winner."

Sales Is Blaming Marketing

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Sales Is Blaming Marketing - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 26, 2016's comic on:


Tags #sales, #responsibility, #blame, #business

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Boss: Our salespeople are blaming Marketing for the low demand. Marketing is blaming Engineering for making a product no one wants. So I blamed our customers for misleading us about their needs. Asok: Now I don't feel so bad about our price-gouging.