Alice Killed Boss Comic Strips - Page 94

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 17, 1994's comic on:


Tags #customer service, #downsize, #improve service

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The Boss: Our two goals this year are to downsize and to improve customer service. Dilbert: question: how can you improve service if you're getting rid f service people? The Boss: who do you think is screwing up the customer service? duh...

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 29, 1994's comic on:


Tags #prepare reports, #outsourced jobs, #write report, #outsourcing, #illogical

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The Boss: "I want all of you to prepare reports explaining why your jobs shouldn't be outsourced to consultants." "It is my job to write this report. But if I were a consultant it would make no sense to compare me to myself. Outsourcing is illogical." "For some reason, I'm not taking as much pride in my work lately."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 07, 1994's comic on:


Tags #bungee boss, #incoming, #made a difference, #mentor, #sprong!, #bouncing bungee

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The Boss: We'll be getting a new "Bungee Boss" sometime today. Hi - Im -your- new- boss- lets- change- every- thing- beef- I- get- reassigned- pops- too- late- goodbye. sproing wally: He was like a mentor to me. Dilbert: I think he made a difference. The Boss: Incoming!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 29, 1994's comic on:


Tags #new strategy, #tech support, #that customers, #user manual, #defective products

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The Boss: Our new strategy is to make defective products and charge for technical support. Heh- heh ...our user manual is totally incomprehensible. we didn't plan it that way - we were lucky, Dilbert: Im so proud to be here. The Boss: It all came together when I realized I hate our customers.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 07, 1994's comic on:


Tags #dignity, #creativity, #precious earth, #blood drive, #three pint minimum

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The Boss, Wally, Dilbert, Alice and a man sit at a conference table. The man says, "This job has taken my dignity, my self-esteem, my creativity and my precious time on this earth." The man continues, "You've taken all I have! There's nothing left to give!!!" The Boss says, "The blood drive is next week. This year it's mandatory . . . And a three-pint minimum."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 12, 1994's comic on:


Tags #donuts, #contains memo, #fired, #termination notice, #humane, #ate the memo, #Wally, #3 donuts

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The Boss, Dilbert, Wally, Alice and Ted sit at a conference table. The Boss hands around a box of donuts and says, "One of these donuts contains a memo which fires the recipient." The Boss continues, "This seemed like the most humane way to reduce headcount." As they walk out of the conference room, Dilbert says, "How was your donut?" Wally replies, "The first two were great. The third was papery."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 19, 1994's comic on:


Tags #job performance, #reflects on boss, #balance of power, #get fired, #low job perfromance, #wally hold hostage

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Wally stands in front of the Boss's desk and says, "I suddenly realized that MY job performance reflects on YOUR career." Wally continues, "The balance of power has shifted. Unless I get what I want, I'll lower my performance until you get fired." The Boss responds, "Ha! There's no way you could lower your job performance." Wally says, "Curse your eyes!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 24, 1994's comic on:


Tags #flicking fingers, #joyous celebration, #linked to pay, #success sounds like, #snappy sounds

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Dilbert, Alice and Wally stand in Ted's cubicle flicking their fingers. Dilbert says, "Look, Ted! We get paid the same as you but all we're doing is standing around and flicking our fingers." Dilbert continues, "Come join us and flick your fingers in joyous celebration that our performance is not linked to our pay." The Boss sits at his desk listening to the flicking and thinks, "I don't know what success sounds like, but I'll bet this isn't it."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 05, 1994's comic on:


Tags #japanese model, #copy best practices, #long term investing, #boss sings shaft

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The Boss and Dilbert sit at a table. The Boss says, "We've studied the Japanese model and decided to copy their best practices." Dilbert says, "Long term investing?" The Boss holds up a microphone and yells, "Karaoke!" The Boss stands on the table and sings, "Shaft! Can you dig it?" Dilbert looks at the reader and says, "Thank God we don't have lifetime employment."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 17, 1994's comic on:


Tags #make a suggestion, #idea rat, #multi disciplinary forces, #processes

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The Boss, Dilbert, Alice, Ratbert and Ted sit at a conference table. Ratbert asks, "Excuse me . . . I'm only an intern, but may I make a suggestion?" Ratbert says, "Let's form multidisciplinary task forces to reengineer our core processes until we're a world class organization!" The Boss says, "Sounds good. Go do it." Ratbert says, "I'm more of an idea rat."