Employee Meeting Comic Strips - Page 94

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #millennial employee, #bureacracy, #poor communication, #task force, #regular updates, #business

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Boss: Our millennial employees keep quitting because of our bureaucracy and poor communication. CEO: Form three task forces to look into it. But don't tell any of the task forces that there are two others doing the same thing. Boss: Should I give you regular updates? CEO: Nah.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #jewelry, #rich people, #expensive watch, #entire net worth, #ceo, #employee

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Asok: Holy moly! Your watch costs more than my entire net worth. CEO: Thank you. Asok: This isn't a "thank you" situation. CEO: You're welcome?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #annoyance, #screen savers, #company logo, #corporate rule, #agenda, #meeting, #business

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Boss: First on the agenda, we're standardizing all screen savers to be our company logo. Second, our CEO is having a contest to see who can suggest the most useless corporate rule to eliminate. Wally: I nominate the nee screen-saver rule. Boss: You can't nominate that one. It's too new. Dilbert: Why does that matter? Isn't it better to kill it before it gets implemented? Boss: It's too soon! It's just too soon! Dilbert: Fine. Boss: Fine. Wally: I nominate whatever is next on the agenda.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meetings, #finish tasks, #communication skills, #poor skills, #task, #breakdown, #work, #delgatation

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Boss: Did you finish the tasks we talked about in the last meeting? Dilbert: No, because your communication skills are so poor that I had no idea I was supposed to do a task. Wally: Did I have a task?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #executives, #public opinion, #feel engaged, #meeting, #appearences, #business

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CEO: Before I make my decision, I'd like to ask for your opinions. It's supposed to make you feel "engaged." Dilbert: And you actually plan to listen to us? CEO: I'm hoping it will look that way on the outside.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #irony, #managers & supervisors, #interface, #finished, #started, #micromanagement, #bad reputation, #optimistic, #business

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Dilbert: I can't wait to see the changes I asked you to make on the interface. Our last meeting was two months ago. You must be finished by now. Coworker: I haven't started yet. I had a few questions. I figured I'd ask you about them the next time we talked. In the meantime I only did work for people who yelled at me every day. Micromanagement has a bad reputation, but I'm not too proud to say I need it. Dilbert: Okay... well, I'm optimistic that you can make those changes for me by next week. Coworker: I probably should have asked my questions.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #questioning, #ceo, #lawyer, #salespeople, #psychopathy, #disembowle, #rhetorical, #legal

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CEO: You might be wondering why I called this meeting. Dilbert: Well, I see a CEO, a company lawyer, and two salespeople. Those jobs are highly correlated with psychopathy. My guess is that you invited me here to disembowel me. CEO: It was rhetorical!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #exploitation, #surprise, #international law, #indentured servant, #seq, #stole an hour

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Alice: Asok, your meeting stole an hour of my life. According to international law, I may now claim you as my indentured servant. Asok: Wow. That... actually is a law. Alice: Or I'm really good at SEO.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ignorance (knowledge), #managers & supervisors, #values, #don't run with scissors, #ask for raises, #employee values, #business

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CEO: Experts say we need to empower employees with "values." So I guess we need some values, whatever the heck those are. Boss: I think it's like "Don't run with scissors." CEO: Let's start with that and see if they stop asking for raises.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #didn't read, #email, #improve communication, #long rambling email, #someone else, #meeting, #business

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The Boss: Did everyone read about how to improve our communication? Dilbert: Was it a long rambling email that stumbled from one barely coherent point to another? The Boss: That one must have been from someone else. Dilbert: Good because I didn't read it.