Made Me The Man Comic Strips - Page 94

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #downsize, #department phone list, #efficient list

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Wally hands The Boss a sheet of paper and says, "I took the initiative and made a list of people you could downsize." The Boss looks at the list and responds, "This is just the department phone list with your name covered up." Wally says, "That's the sort of efficiency that kept me off the list."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #reapir, #defective co workers, #paramoid, #invited to meetings, #fix her, #trade in, #liar, #moron, #whistler

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Dilbert carries Peri Noid over his shoulder towards a shop with a sign that reads, "Repair Defective Co-workers." Dilbert holds Peri up and says to The Garbageman, "She's paranoid about not being invited to meetings. Can you fix her?" The Garbageman replies, "Nope." Dilbert asks, "Can I trade her in?" The Garbageman responds, "Would you like a liar, a moron, or a whistler?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #coffee rehadb, #rip beard, #death, #state name, #coffee addicting withdrawl, #sleeping, #mean, #nasty, #cutting, #violent, #falls asleep, #medical

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Headline: Coffee Rehab. A man stands at a podium and says, "State your name and how long you've been without coffee." The audience is asleep except for one angry patient who says, "I am going to rip off your little beard and beat you to death with it." The man at the podium thinks to himself, "Don't panic... wait... wait...." The angry patient continues, "And then I'll... um... zzzzzzz, zzzzz, zzz."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #wants a husbnd, #cooks and cleans, #raises kids, #pursue career, #total turn on, #lemon wedges

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Alice says to Carol, "I want a husband who cooks and cleans and raises the kids while I pursue my career." Alice continues, "To me, that sort of man would be a total turn-on." A man wearing an apron approaches Alice and says, "Yoo-Hoo! Who likes lemon wedges?" A heart floats above Alice's head.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #stay home husband, #support career, #chocolate, #hot and cold, #bobby, #didn't hear

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Alice says to the man in the apron, "Bobby, I'm looking for a stay-at-home husband to support my career." Bobby responds, "I'm sorry - I was thinking about chocloate, and I didn't hear a word you just said." Bobby walks away and says, "Br-r-r-r, I'm cold. Now I'm hot. Now I'm cold!" Alice thinks, "This will take some work."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #smell like manager, #fiery concoction, #agree with me, #breath enhancer, #around up cigarettes, #farm shovels, #coffee

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Dogbert is standing on The Boss' desk. He points to a bottle and says to The Boss, "A good manager needs to smell like a manager." Dogbert continues, "Your breath should be a fiery concoction that says, "Agree with me or die." Dogbert picks up the bottle and says, "Try 'Dogbert's Management Breath Enhancer.' made from ground-up cigarettes, farm shovels, and coffee."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #unnesccesry cahnges, #irrelevant document, #while and dance, #working, #be happy too

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The Boss: I made a few suggestions. Dilbert: I'll be happy to make these unnecessary changes to this irrelevant document. The Boss: Stop acting happy. Dilbert: Can I whistle and dance while I work?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #description, #projected course, #impossible, #uncertainty principle, #understand project, #know cost

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"I need a description of your project and its projected cost." "That's impossible." "The project uncertainty principle says that if you understand a project, you won't know its cost, and vice versa." "You just made that up." "That doesn't make it wrong."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #process of getting approval, #hard way, #meeting, #no direct answers, #business

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The man who couldn't give direct answers. Alice: "Did you ask your boss for approval?" Man: "Now i will explain the process for getting approval." Alice: "Do you want to do this the hard way?" Man: "First, you ask for a meeting."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ask them, #feeling embarrassed, #money, #negotiating with vendors, #phd, #right thing, #thinking of idea

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Man: I have a PHD, so obviously you should do what I say. Instead of negotiating with vendors, lets just tell them how much money we have and ask them yo do the right thing. You're probably feeling embarrassed for not thinking of the idea yourself. Alice: Must...not...shave...PHD.