New Boss Comic Strips - Page 94

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags work ethic, dark matter, universe, new excuse, a-b test, hidden dimensions

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Wally: The universe is full of dark matter, quantum strangeness, and hidden dimensions. In such a universe, can we really know whether or not I did my assignment? Dilbert: How'd the new excuse work out? Wally: It did well in the A-B test against "You never told me to do that."

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marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags anger, interrupting work, jargon, meeting with boss, not enough passion, stupid trendy, performance evaluation

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Boss: You don't show enough passion for your job. Dilbert: Stop interrupting my work with your stupid, trendy management jargon! Was that better or worse? I don't know how to tell.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers & supervisors, temporary ceo, c level suite, employee realtions, boss, cubicle, insulting, receptionist, business

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Boss: The board named me temporary CEO. And guess who is coming with me to the C-level suite! Carol: It's me! Boss: No. And you're also a terrible guesser.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags cruelty, executives, work ethic, acting ceo, murder employees, start up, unprofitable, ridiculous jargon, wishful thinking, luck, show off, management fad

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CEO: I heard that while you were acting CEO you... murdered nine employees, bought an unprofitable start-up and embraced a new management fad that is nothing but ridiculous jargon and wishful thinking. No one likes a show-off. Boss: I swear it was just luck.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags conversation, origin story, company, need, various things, clear, boss, request, office, request secretary, write up story, business

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Boss; Tina, I need you to write a company "Origin Story." All the cool companies have them. Tina: Why? Boss: Why? Well, for starters, we need it for various things and so on. I don't think I can be any clearer. Tina: I don't think you can, either.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags charitable organizations, corporate charity, deception, no boss fooled, teaching interview techniques, trained umemployed, work ethic, job skill

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Wally: Last week, I did my corporate charity work by teaching unemployed people how to interview for jobs. Boss: Don't they also need job skills? Wally: Nah. I taught them how to look busy. Boss: No boss will be fooled by that. Wally: Do you believe I trained unemployed people last week?

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags correct data, incorrect data, interactions with boss, questioning, totally accurate, desk, computer, office, technology

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Boss: Are you sure the data you gave me is correct? Dilbert: I've been giving you incorrect data for years. This is the first time you've asked. Boss: What? Dilbert: I said the data is totally accurate.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags frustration, vacations, work harder, no vacation, boss, time off, employee

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Dilbert: Can I take my vacation next week? Boss: Fine. Just work twice as hard this week to get everything done before you leave. Dilbert: In that case, I prefer not taking a vacation at all. Boss: It's starting to look as if nothing can make you happy.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags hypocrisy, employees, trusted advisor, dumb plan, boss, employee, saying no, business

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Boss: Experts say I need employees who can say no to me. I'd like you to be my trusted adviser, Wally, because you can criticize every idea I have. Wally: No. That's the dumbest plan I've ever heard. Boss: What? Wally: You heard me. Boss: I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do now. Wally: You could thank me for saying no. Boss: Why does that sound right?!!!! Wally: You're welcome.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags electronic mail, internet & world wide web, scams, enter bank acct, employee, boss

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WHY phishing scams keep working enter your bank account number. Dilbert: Scam. WAIT FOR IT enter your bank account number Alice: Scam. There it is Boss: Okey-dokey.