Army Of Mole People Comic Strips - Page 94

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View 931 - 940 results for army of mole people comic strips. Discover the best "Army Of Mole People" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 01, 2013's comic on:


Tags #earring, #headphones, #interviews, #self comscious, #snobbishness, #startup culture, #self conscious, #hipster, #earing

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Interview at a start-up Interviewer: We only hire people who fit into our awesome start-up culture. Dilbert: No problem. I can be a self-conscious hipster if you think that's what keeps the lights on. Interviewer: I kind of do. Dilbert: What would I need besides an earring and headphones?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 16, 2013's comic on:


Tags #interviews, #lying, #job interview, #exaggerate credntials, #more effective, #business skill, #misleading, #convince customers, #prodcuts, #dupe some idiot, #learn tech skills, #honesty, #hr, #send offer, #liar

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Dilbert: You look good on paper, but how do I know you aren't lying about your skills? Interviewee: You should hope I am lying. Studies show that people who exaggerate their credentials tend to be more effective once hired. That's because misleading people is a valuable business skill. For example, I might need to convince our customers that our products are better than the competition. Or I might need to dupe some idiot into leaving my cubicle so I can concentrate. Anyone can learn technical skills, but lying is an art form. Dilbert: He doesn't have an honest bone in his body. Boss: Perfect. I'll tell Human Resources to send him an offer.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 18, 2013's comic on:


Tags #ignorance (knowledge), #work ethic, #too many smart people, #boost perfromance, #strategy, #not paying attention

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Boss: Studies say that having too many smart people in a group lowers productivity. So I seeded this project team with an idiot to boost performance. Coworker: My strategy of not paying attention in school is finally paying off.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 27, 2013's comic on:


Tags #business ethics, #coffee & tea, #managers & supervisors, #brain scan, #management potential, #warm brown liquid, #speed evolved, #coffee reservoir, #business

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Catbert: Your brain scan shows tremendous management potential. The part of your brain that would normally control ethics is filled with some sort of warm, brown liquid. It appears that you speed-evolved part of your brain into a coffee reservoir. Wally: People think I don't have a plan.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 30, 2013's comic on:


Tags #competition (psychology), #elevators, #fear, #elevator, #confrontation, #threat, #ceo, #underling, #power tripping

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CEO: Here's the hotshot that everyone says will someday take my job. I'm going to mentor you so hard your intestines will end up in your skull. Wally: I just figured out why people use the stairs.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 31, 2013's comic on:


Tags #meetings, #telephones, #work ethic, #teleconference, #phone on mute, #nap, #weaselable

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Coworker: Can you attend our Tuesday meeting? Wally: I'll teleconference. Coworker: That will make me wonder if you called in, put your phone on mute, and took a nap. Wally: We useless people call that weaselable doubt.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 05, 2013's comic on:


Tags #executives, #snobbishness, #ceo visitis, #questions, #ceo, #special treatment

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Boss: When our CEO visits, don't ask him any questions. He hates questions. And don't stare. He hates it when people look at him. Dilbert: May we breathe the air on his planet? Boss: Only the stuff he exhales.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 25, 2013's comic on:


Tags #natural disasters, #disaster preparedness, #famine, #keyboard, #crumbs, #alene invasion, #kill a coworker, #lizard people, #impending collison, #asteroid, #running in place, #earth rotates, #planet, #hit by asteroid, #human flesh, #presentation is a disater

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Wally: I've been asked to explain our disaster preparedness plan. In the event of a famine, turn your keyboard upside down and shake. If it's anything like mine, you'll find a pound and a half of crumbs. In the event of an alien invasion, your best bet is to kill a co-worker to show your allegiance to the lizard-people. In the event of an impending collision with an asteroid, try running in place while the Earth rotates. If you time it right, you'll be on the other side of the planet when the asteroid hits. To prepare for every other type of disaster, I recommend cultivating a taste for human flesh. Boss: Your presentation is a disaster. Wally: And next time you'll be prepared for it.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 04, 2013's comic on:


Tags #competition (psychology), #ignorance (knowledge), #big tech firms, #hiring people, #prestigious degrees, #hiring idiots, #vacuum up, #hiring accused murderers, #bail

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Catbert: The big tech firms say they no longer care about hiring people who have prestigious degrees. Obviously, they're trying to sucker the rest of us into hiring idiots while they vacuum up the people from the top schools. CEO: We need to get on this. Catbert: We could say we get good results by hiring accused murderers who are out on bail.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 18, 2013's comic on:


Tags #ignorance (knowledge), #managers & supervisors, #innovate, #google, #apple, #3m, #smart people, #fire yourselves, #business, #technology

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Dogbert: Today I'll teach you how to innovate the way Apple, Google, and 3M do it. Replace all of your dimwitted employees with smart people... then fire yourselves. The rest is just blah, blah, blah. Boss: Should we be taking notes?