Delivery Man Comic Strips - Page 94
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1000 Results for Delivery Man
View 931 - 940 results for delivery man comic strips. Discover the best "Delivery Man" comics from Dilbert.com.
Friday November 20,
2009
Tags title, janitor, proud, happy, ridiculous
Transcript
Dogbert the CEO Dogbert says, "Floyd, I'm giving you a c-level title." Dogbert says, "You'll be the chief janitorial officer, in charge of all dirt, germs, dead critters and problematic excretions." Man says, "Is it because I'm so important?" Dogbert says, "What answer would make you clean up poop faster?"
Monday November 23,
2009
Tags sitting, talking, vendor, pitching, idea, praying, agreeing, begging, promises, ridiculous
Transcript
Man says, "We have the best hidden costs of any vendor." Man says, "Our upgrade and maintenance fees won't kick in until you've already received a bonus for reducing costs." Man thinks, "Please, please, please be a sociopath." Wally says, "Sounds good. I'm not a big fan of our stockholders."
Thursday December 10,
2009
Tags rude, mockery, faxing, 1995, technology
Transcript
Man says, "Can I send our requirements to your fax?" Dilbert says, "Absolutely." Dilbert says, "I'll just travel back in time to 1995, when faxing was a good way to handle this sort of thing." Man says, "You realize I'm your customer, right?" Dilbert says, "Until you spend all of your money on new fax machones."
Sunday December 13,
2009
Tags overhead, time, wasting, frustration, yelling, stealing, project
Transcript
Man says, "Wally, can you take a look at this?" Wally says, "I'd be delighted. What's your project charge code?" Man says, "It will only take a minute." Wally says, "Are you suggesting that I lie about my time?" Man says, "It's only one minute." Wally says, "By that line of reasong, it's okay to steal as long as you don't take too much." Wally says, "Incidentally, I have to charge you for the time it just took to label you a thief." Man says, "FORGET I'LL ASK SOMEONE ELSE!" Wally thinks, "Let's call that overhead."
Thursday December 17,
2009
Tags engineering, insulting, impractical, mediocre, upfront
Transcript
Man says, "We haven't heard from engineering yet. What do you think, Alice?" Alice says, "I think several mediocre minds concocted an impractical plan." Man says, "Can you be more specific?" Alice says, :Sure. You're one of them. And this guy is another."
Saturday December 19,
2009
Tags lying, bidders, cost, invoice, bid, crooked
Transcript
Dilbert says, "This invoice is for twice as much as your bid." The Man says, "Duh. You wouldn't have given us the job if we told you how much it was really going to cost." Man says, "If it makes you feel any better, all of the other bidders lied too. We're just better at it."
Monday December 21,
2009
Tags artist, struggling, bills, art, abstract
Transcript
Man says, "I work here to pay the bills but I'm actually an artist." Dilbert says, "Wow. You must be a terrible artist if you have to work here just to eat." Man says, "My work isn't commercial." Wally says, "It's not really art if no one likes it."
Tuesday December 29,
2009
Tags communicating, stress, infuriating, impossible, answering, convoluted
Transcript
Morgan: The man with no communication skills Dilbert says, "Did you get results from the stress tests yet?" Morgan says, "Stress tests have to be performed under controlled conditions." Dilbert says, "Has anyone ever explained to you the yes-no form of questions?" Morgan says, "Is it my turn to talk?"
Wednesday December 30,
2009
Tags communicating, vague, ignoring, meeting, stare, nonsensical, business
Transcript
Morgan:The man with no communication skills Morgan says, "They decided to do option one." Dilbert says, "Who is "they"? What is option one? And are they testing or implementing?" Morgan says, "You just earned yourself a creepy stare until the topic changes." The Boss says, "Okay, moving on..."
Sunday January 03,
2010
Tags human resources, ergonomics, bad posture, golem, boneless chicken, business
Transcript
Man says, "Hello, Wally. Human resources assigned me to be your ergo buddy." Wally says, "My what?" Man says, "I'll observe while you work. Then give you suggestions on improving your ergonomics." Man says, "Your posture is all wrong, and your keyboard needs to be lower." Man says, "Your bad ergonomic practices have turned you into a golem." Wally says, "Golem?" Man says, "It means a shapeless mass imbued with life. A lump. Clod, or fool." Man says, "It's right here on my checklist. After "Boneless chicken." Wally says, "Does that say you're supposed to pour salt on me until I dry up and die?" Man says, "Let's pretend you didn't see that."