Don't Use Prodcut Comic Strips - Page 94

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #asok alive, #cpr, #angles, #ratbert, #rat is blue, #lifesavers

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Sitting up on the floor, Asok rubs his head and says to The Boss, Dilbert and Wally, "I'm alive!" Asok asks Dilbert, The Boss, Wally and Alice, "Which one of you angels administered the life-saving CPR?" Ratbert says to The Boss, Asok and Alice, "Speaking of 'Lifesavers,' I could sure use one right now."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #jruy duty, #what excuse, #happy to serve, #civic responsibility, #insanity, #good one

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Dilbert is sitting in the jury room with two other people. The man sitting next to him asks, "What excuse are you planning to use?" Dilbert says to the man, "I'm happy to serve. It's my civic responsibility." The man says to Dilbert, "Insanity; good one."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #doing it wrong, #response time, #sub second, #two seconds, #always right, #never wrong, #screaming

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Noriko says to Dilbert, "And we'll have sub-second response time. Dilbert says to Noriko, "Actually, it's already two seconds, and your change will add two more." Noriko exclaims to Dilbert, "Why do you always have to be right?!" Noriko says to Dilbert, "Just once can't you admit I'm right?" Dilbert says, "Okay, I admit that two plus two equals less than one." Noriko says, "I don't mean now, jerk. I mean in general." Dilbert says, "Okay. In general I admit that the rules of physics are optional." Noriko exclaims, "You're doing it wrong!!" Dilbert says, "You're right. My fault again."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #enough engineers, #all requests, #sales support, #online data base, #contempt, #disbelief, #mixture

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Dilbert says to The Boss, "We don't have enough engineers to handle all the requests for sales support." The Boss says to Dilbert, "Build an online database to log all the requests." Dilbert says to The Boss, "It might look as if I'm staring at you with a mixture of contempt and disbelief, but I'm actually meditating."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #free for lunch, #remind myself, #lucky, #laziness, #personality, #looks, #renaissance loser, #psychology

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Wally is reading the newspaper as Dilbert looks in Wally's cubicle and asks, "Wally, are you free for lunch?" Dilbert says to Wally, "I need to remind myself how lucky I am that I don't have your laziness or personality or looks." Wally asks Dilbert, "Would you say I'm kind of a Renaissance loser?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #birthday, #mothers birthday, #warp up present, #an hour later, #throwing towel, #element of suprise, #no waste paper, #cookies

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In the kitchen, Dilbert says to his mother, "I've been thinking about your birthday, Mom." His mother says, "How sweet." Dilbert says to his mother, "It seems so inefficient to wrap up your present." As they carry milk and cookies out of the kitchen, Dilbert says to his mother, "You'll just rip up the wrapping paper an hour later." As his mother sets the cookies down, Dilbert says to her, "So I was thinking of throwing a towel over it instead." Dilbert says to his mother, "You'd get all of the element of surprise without wasting paper." Dilbert says to his mother, "Maybe I can use one of your towels so I don't have to lug one from my house." Dilbert's mom says, "Of course, dear. I wouldn't want you to lug a big heavy towel just for me." Dilbert reaches for a cookie and says, "Good. It's settled." His mother says to him, "Those aren't for you."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #tape pencil, #hand, #raise, #would be unethical, #ten percent, #hiccup damage, #moral compass

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Asok the Intern watches Wally taping a pencil to the hand of The Boss who is comatose. Wally says, "I'll tape a pencil to his hand and use it to sign off on a raise for me." Asok the Intern says to Wally, "That would be so unethical... hiccup. May I have ten percent?" Wally works on getting the pencil into the comatose Boss' hand as Asok says, "That hiccup damaged my moral compass."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #advice?, #collect crcystals, #ctcystals can heal, #scientific evidence, #point of view, #ignorant, #dinner date, #spoiled

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Dilbert asks Catbert, "Any advice?" Catbert says, "Try to be less like you." Dilbert, carrying a bunch of flowers, thinks, "That might work." Dilbert hands the flowers to a female co-worker and thinks, "Less like me... Less like me." The female co-worker says to Dilbert, "I collect crystals." Dilbert thinks, "Uh-oh." The female co-worker says, "I don't know of any scientific evidence that they can heal." Dilbert thinks, "Whew." The female co-worker says to Dilbert, "But it's my point of view that they do." Dilbert says to the female co-worker, "When did ignorance become a point of view?" Seated in a restaurant reading a menu, Dilbert sits across from the frowning female co-worker and thinks, "Too much like me."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #give away prodcut, #for free, #deinstall it, #bill customers, #consumer despaitations

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The Boss says to Wally and Dilbert, "My plan is to give away our product for free." The Boss says to Wally and Dilbert, "We'll only bill customers who ask us to deinstall it." Wally and Dilbert continue looking on impassively as The Boss continues, "For once, those reports of consumer decapitations will work in our favor."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #the motivation fairy, #greatest challenge, #get paid less, #minimum wage, #reimburse, #travle, #career path

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THE MOTIVATION FAIRY: The Motivation Fairy, hovering in the air behind Wally, says "You will be my greatest challenge." Wally turns to the Motivation Fairy and says, "I'll bet you get paid less than minimum wage and they don't reimburse you for travel." The Fairy drops the magic wand and says, "Wings... So... Heavy..." Wally asks, "So, what kind of career path you got going?"