First Motivated Employee Comic Strips - Page 94

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View 931 - 940 results for first motivated employee comic strips. Discover the best "First Motivated Employee" comics from Dilbert.com.

Elbonian Interference

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Elbonian Interference - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #hacker, #hacking, #trolls, #protest, #counter-protest, #obliviousness, #manipulation

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Dilbert: Uh-oh. I think we are being attacked by an Elbonian troll farm. They're organizing an employee protest against management and... a management counter-protest against employees. Luckily, no one here is stupid enough to... Boss: Down with employees!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #memory, #demagoguery, #social media, #Opinion, #technology

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Man: You said you hated this idea last week, but now you say you like it. How do you explain your flip-flopping? Dilbert: I always liked the idea. Nothing changed. Man: Hahaha! Nice try! You're back-pedaling because I busted you. Dilbert: Here is my email trail from the first moment the idea came up. As you can plainly see, I have liked the idea from the start. Any questions? Boss: Why is it so hard for you to admit you were wrong?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #valor, #awards, #bragging, #laziness

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Boss: The employee award for valor goes to Wally. During the false alarm, we noticed Wally was not with the other evacuees. He stayed behind to make sure everyone else got out. At least that's what he told us later. Wally, do you have any words of inspiration for the group? Wally: Most of you are cowards. But imagine how good you would feel winning a non-monetary award for valor. Now I ask all of you to think about how you can repay me for my selfless valor on your behalf. Dilbert: Did you sleep through the fire alarm? Wally: Most productive nap I've ever had.

Tracking Employee Theft

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Tracking Employee Theft - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #surveillance, #data, #information, #spying, #privacy

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Carol: Someone stole my purse out of my cubicle. Catbert: No problem. We have security video nearly everywhere and we can track every phone that has our internal company app on it. Carol: That is mildly disturbing. Catbert: Here's a live feed of the perp in the third stall of the men's restroom.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #insurance, #humiliation, #death, #scam, #darwin awards, #spin, #headline, #media, #Entertainment, #medical

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Dogbert: Would you like to buy an insurance policy to protect against a humorous death? Boss: Why would I need it? Dogbert: well, let's say you're at the zoo and you drop your sunglasses into the lion pit. You lower yourself into the pit to get the sunglasses, but the lions get to you first. You don't want the headlines to read "Pointy-haired Idiot Mauled To Death By The King Of The Jungle." So instead, the moment you die, my agents rush in to create a narrative for the media. In this case, we might spin the story as "Local Man Teaches Zoo How To Reduce Food Costs." Boss: Are the policies affordable? Dogbert: Yes, if you waive the coverage for mascot-related deaths.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #berating, #yelling, #gaslight, #temper, #anger, #frustration

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Asok: What's that gadget? Woman: Are you freakin' serious? Asok: Yes. Woman: Oh... My... God. Do you not remember the long discussion about this thing in the last meeting? Are you trying to gaslight me? I have not patience for trolls! Eat dirt and die! Asok: I joined the project today. This is my first meeting. Woman: Liar! Dilbert: Welcome to the team.

Boss Comes To Work Sick

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Boss Comes To Work Sick  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #sick, #sickness, #illness, #contagious, #sick days, #medical

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Boss: I have to warn you-- I have a fever and I'm tripping on cold medicine. Alice: Thank you for coming to work and infecting all of us, you selfish, addle-brained plague rat. Boss: I was going for "courageous." Dilbert: Do Wally first, so I can watch him spasm.

Do Not Implicate Boss

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Do Not Implicate Boss - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #sick, #sickness, #illness, #contagious, #deadline, #responsibility, #accountability, #medical

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Dilbert: My project is two weeks late because you came to work two weeks ago and gave me the flu. Boss: Do you have any excuses that don't implicate me as the main problem? Dilbert: How about I say I didn't feel motivated and leave it otherwise vague? Boss: I can work with that.

Employees Who Don't Want Money

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Employees Who Don't Want Money - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #motivation, #money, #optimism, #ambition

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Boss: I don't want employees who are motivated by money. I want true believers who are trying to make the world a better place. Wally: Those people sound crazy. Dilbert: Can you warn us if you see one?

Wally's Stealth Drone

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Wally's Stealth Drone - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #deception, #deceit, #drone, #technology, #invention, #fake

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Wally: In my right hand is a standard drone. In my left hand is a drone using the cloaking technology I invented. Voices: Ooh! Wow! Wally: I'll demonstrate it flying as soon as I finish the noise cancellation. CEO: Employee of the year!