Make Money Comic Strips - Page 94

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 23, 2007's comic on:


Tags #management retreat, #golfing, #swimming, #drinking, #getting massages, #count printer papaer, #meaningless work assigned, #dead body, #Sports

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The Boss: "I'm off to the management retreat." "I won't be reachable because I'll be busy golfing, swimming, drinking, and getting massages." Carol: "And attending meetings?" The Boss: "I don't see how we'll have any time for that." "While I'm gone, I have a few tasks for you to do." "Open all the packages of printer paper and make sure they have the right number of sheets." "Then crawl into the heating ducts and see if you can find what died in there." Carol: "It's my last boss." the Boss: "Spray him with something lemony."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 24, 2007's comic on:


Tags #presentation, #useful parts, #open to suggestions, #unqualified, #their own jobs, #software, #recycled paper, #engineering

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Dilbert: "This concludes the useful part of my presentation." "Now let's open the floor to suggestions from people who are unqualified to do their own jobs, much less mine." "Yes, you with the forehead." Man: "Can you make the software out of recycled paper?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 25, 2007's comic on:


Tags #firing, #incompetent, #another job, #lack of training, #new job, #incompetence, #normal

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The Boss: "Bruce, you're totally incompetent at your job, so I've moving you to another job." "I'm hoping your lack of training for your new job will make your incompetence seem normal." Half of this job is know when to give up."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 30, 2007's comic on:


Tags #impressive resume, #promoted, #management, #money and pretige, #doing less work, #opportunity, #abuse subordinates, #fluent managerese, #love interviewing

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CEO: "Alice, your resume is impressive." "Tell me why you want to be promoted to management." Alice: "Well. Obviously there's the money and prestige." "I'm also attracted by the prospect of doing much less work." "The opportunity to abuse subordinates is a big plus." "And I speak fluent Managerese. Watch this..." "Fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh" Dilbert: "Did you really want that job?" Alice: "No, but I love interviewing!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 27, 2008's comic on:


Tags #agreement, #bad news, #euphoric feeling, #harsh landing, #illusion of progress, #lasts a minute, #momentary sweetness, #reacts, #spoiler, #planning meeting

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Alice: Okay, we have a good plan forward. This meeting is adjourned. Oooh!!!" "AaaaH!!!" Asok: What is that?"AAAH!! Dilbert: She's tasting the sweet nectar of the illusion in progress. It's that euphoric feeling you get between the time you make a plan and the time some moron thwarts it. AAAH!!! It can last anywhere from less than a minute to as much as a minute. Wally: Ted won't meet with us because someone told him that you told someone else he was an obstacle. Alice: GRRRRR!!! Dilbert: The landing is harsh."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 05, 2008's comic on:


Tags #identify systems, #inefficient, #new standards, #passive aggressive, #freelancer

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Alice: That thing is called a "boss." His job is to identify systems that are inefficient and make them our new standards. The Boss: I do way more than that. Alice: Don't look directly at it."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 07, 2008's comic on:


Tags #boss, #distraction, #meeting, #move, #office, #phone ring, #rug catch fire, #business

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Dilbert: I'm here to go through the motions of trying to ask you a question. But we both know your phone will ring, or you'll be late for a meeting, or the carpet will catch on fire before I ask the question. It's a short question, so get ready to make your move."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 26, 2008's comic on:


Tags #pro bono job, #hit with suit, #chair, #dinosaur bob, #liked it

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Bob The esquire dinosaur Bob: I slapped your ex boss with his own suit until he agreed to rehire you. Bob: It only took ten minutes to make him agree, and another hour to make him convince ne that he liked it. Bob: How much do I owe you for all the fun? Wally: This one is pro bono.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 09, 2008's comic on:


Tags #online budget approval, #process making changes, #classes, #approval process, #budget varience, #broken system, #charges, #cubicle, #billable project, #exaggerating accomplishments

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Dilbert: Out online budget approval system isn't working. There's a process for making changes to the system, but I don't know it. I could take a class to learn the process, but there's also a process for approving classes. I could learn the process for approving classes, but I'd still need approval for a budget variance to take the class. And I can't get that because the online budget approval system is broken. I can't even have this conversation because it will make me charge too much of my engineering time to administrative overhead. So I'll go sit in my cubicle and pretend to be thinking about a billable project. It looks like I'll be exaggerating my accomplishments again this year.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 31, 2008's comic on:


Tags #coffee maker, #meeting, #not enough money, #raise, #too much, #budget, #business

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The boss: I'd like to give you a raise but I used the entire budget on a new coffee maker. It's a nice one.There's talk that I paid too much for you."