Alice Killed Boss Comic Strips - Page 94

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Wally Drains Robot

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Wally Drains Robot - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 31, 2015's comic on:


Tags #robot, #technology, #murder, #killing, #power, #laziness, #work ethic, #weapon

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Robot: You killed ten thousand medical nanorobots by exposure to your bloodstream. That makes you the biggest mass murderer of robots in history. Gaaa!!! Why is my power supply draining so rapidly? Wally: Run.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 30, 2015's comic on:


Tags #manager, #inspiration, #entrepreneur, #risk, #irony, #catch-22, #creativity, #creative, #motivation

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Boss: I want you to think like entrepreneurs. Dilbert: Should we take huge risks? Boss: No, the stockholders would hate that. Alice: Should we act as though we have no boss? Boss: NO. That would be chaos. Dilbert: Will we become billionaires if we succeed? Boss: Raises are capped at 3% this year. I'm just saying you should be more creative. Dilbert: and then we should act? Boss: No, that's when the problems happen.

Nano Robots Are The New Health Plan

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Nano Robots Are The New Health Plan - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 27, 2015's comic on:


Tags #technology, #robots, #invention, #health, #big business, #corporation, #nanobot

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CEO: We're replacing the employee health plan with nanorobot technology. We'll insert tiny medical robots into their lower digestive tracts to keep them healthy forever. Boss: So, our plan is to shove robots up... CEO: Only until the robots can replace them.

Boss Survives Fall From Bridge

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Boss Survives Fall From Bridge - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 26, 2015's comic on:


Tags #accident, #falling, #walking, #help, #emergency, #apathy, #Sports

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Boss: I survived falling off the bridge when we were taking our long walk to discuss business. I ended up a mile downstream. That's probably why the search team didn't find me. Dilbert: Yup.

Boss Falls Off Bridge

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Boss Falls Off Bridge - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 25, 2015's comic on:


Tags #walking, #meeting, #meetings, #accident, #difficult, #gimmick, #manager, #idea, #ideas, #distraction, #Sports, #business

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Boss: My new thing is taking long walks instead of having meetings. Wow. It is hard to walk, read, think, talk, and drink coffee at the same time. Dilbert: He fell off a bridge. Carol: That's why I schedule walking meetings for him.

Software Killed Ted

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Software Killed Ted - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 19, 2015's comic on:


Tags #invention, #software, #free will, #behavior, #murder, #anger, #glitch, #malfunction, #control, #self control, #psychology, #engineering

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Boss: I have a report that you killed Ted in a cafeteria brawl. Dilbert: Not exactly. My brain stimulator had a software glitch, and it made me homicidal for a minute. Boss: So... you're a murderer, right? Dilbert: Software killed Ted. I was only the weapon.

Dilbert Invents A Brain Stimulator

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Dilbert Invents A Brain Stimulator - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 17, 2015's comic on:


Tags #work ethic, #happiness, #work, #labor, #employee, #stimulation, #boredom, #interest, #human resources, #psychology, #business

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Dilbert: My brain stimulator will keep me interested in your meetings, no matter how boring they are. Now I can enjoy work and get paid, too. It seems I have beaten the system. Catbert: He's enjoying what? Boss; Work. It's super creepy.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 16, 2015's comic on:


Tags #personality, #type, #introvert, #dominant, #submissive, #interpersonal, #relationship, #coworkers, #conflict, #argument, #competent, #magic, #psychology

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Coworker: The reason we keep having conflicts is because of our personality types. You're an impulsive, dominant personality and I am more of a... Alice: Useless waste of space? Coworker: I was going to say I'm a reserved, introspective, people-pleaser. One personality type is not better than the another. We just see things differently. Alice: How do you explain the fact that I have never had a conflict with anyone who is competent. Coworker: Give me a minute to reflect on that. Alice: Let me know when you're done believing in magic.

Dilbert Regulates Mood With Stimulator

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Dilbert Regulates Mood With Stimulator - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 13, 2015's comic on:


Tags #motivation, #stimulation, #priorities, #assignments, #deadline, #invention, #mood, #picnic, #social anxiety

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Dilbert: I invented a way to regulate my mood with an external brain stimulator. Boss: You're supposed to be organizing the company picnic. Dilbert: Did you serious expect me to do that without an external brain stimulator?

Tell Everyone You Are Writing A Novel

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 Tell Everyone You Are Writing A Novel - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 12, 2015's comic on:


Tags #writer, #reputation, #writing, #novel, #peer pressure, #motivation, #frustration, #writers block

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Dilbert: I'm telling everyone I'm writing a novel. That way I can leverage the invisible hand of social influence to motivate me for the next year. Alice: Have you written anything yet? Dilbert: Stop badgering me!!!