Feel More Optimistic Comic Strips - Page 94

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View 931 - 940 results for feel more optimistic comic strips. Discover the best "Feel More Optimistic" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bonus is 5%, #don't feel bad, #salary, #salary differences, #the boss, #intern ages, #inequity, #allow to feel bad, #money

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The boss gives an envelope to Asok and says: "Asok, your bonus is only 5% this year.Don't feel bad; I only got 5% too." Asok says to the boss: "But 5% of your salary is four times more than 5% of my salary." Asok says to the boss: "May I feel bad about that?" The boss answers: "Sure. Go wild!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dogcart one hour course, #executive mba, #took money, #nothing in retrurn, #case study

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The boss and others are listening to Dogbert who plays the role of a teacher in front of a classroom. Dogbert says: "Welcome to the Dogbert one-hour executive MBA course." Dogbert says while wagging it's tail: "Notice that I took your money and I'm giving you almost nothing in return." Dogbert says: "That was a case study." "We have time for one more."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #abuse of coworkers, #counsel, #alter personality, #talking, #dna changing, #tingle

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Alice is at her computer and the boss says: "Alice, I've been asked to counsel you about your abuse of co-workers." The boss says: "The theory is that I can alter your personality by talking to you." Alice grinds her teeth and shakes her fists in the air while the boss says: "If you feel a tingle, that's probably your DNA changing."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #blood pressure screening, #below company average, #get away with

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FREE BLOOD PRESSURE SCREENING TODAY blod pressure screening, below average, more work, Dilbert and the boss are in line to have their blood pressure taken. The boss is holding some folders. Over the head of the woman who is taking Dilbert's blood pressure hangs a board that reads: "Free blood pressure screening today" The woman says to Dilbert: "135 over 88." The boss hands some folders to Dilbert and says: "You're bellow the company average. Here's some more work." Dilbert looks surprised. The boss is behind Dilbert, who is walking all worked up and angry. The boss says to Dilbert: "How long did you think you could get away with that?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #website, #webbish, #how long, #office, #technology

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The boss says to Dilbert, who is sitting at his computer: "The web site needs to be more webbish" The boss says to Dilbert: "But not to webbish" The boss says to Dilbert: "How long will that take?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #new ceo, #turnaround expert, #pleasure to meet, #business process, #value based, #management method

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Alice, the boss, Wally, Asok and a new guy with big sharp teeth and horns on his head are in a meeting. The new guy looks like the devil. The boss directs evryone's attention to him and says, "This our new CEO. He has a reputation as a turnaround expert." Asok says, "It is a pleasure to meet you. Do you favor TQM or more of a business process approach?" The new guy replies, "I'm partial to the value-based management method." Asok says, "I'm not familiar with that one."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #salesman, #questions, #best running shoe, #sneakers are sneakers, #far superior, #expensive ones

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SALE: DIlbert is standing in a shoe store looking around. Alan, a salesman from behind asks, "Do you have any questions?" Dilbert turns and asks, "What's your best running shoe?" The salesman replies, "They're all the same. Sneakers are sneakers." The store manager interrupts, "Alan, may I have a word with you?" Dilbert continues to inspect the shoes as the manager and salesman are conferencing in the back. The salesman returns and says, "The expensive sneakers are far superior." Dilbert replies, "I'll take them!" The salesman thinks, "I feel like I'm clubbing a baby seal." Dilbert is holding up a sneaker and asks, "Will these work with my old socks?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #volume calls, #dead, #beaten down, #inhumane, #punish, #being cheerful

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Designing a Call Center Dilbert: If the employees get the svolume of calls per day they will wish they were dead. Dilbert But they won't be dead, just too beaten down to look for better jobs. Dilbert: I dont know how to make it any more inhumane. The Boss: we can punish them for not being cheerful.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #call center, #inhumane conditions, #employees, #guilty, #acting under orders, #demonize, #business

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Dilbert: Ive been ordered to build a company call center with inhumane working conditions for the employees. ut I don't feel guilty because Im only acting under orders and maybe they did something to deserve it. I might need your help to demonize them. Dogbert: Im all over it.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #seven silo teams, #merge them, #coherent plan, #mutually exclusive, #deciding startegy, #losers, #silo teams

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The boss is following Dilbert to a desk. The boss says, "Here are the strategies from our seven silo teams." They sit down and the boss says, "Your job is to merge them into a coherent company plan." Dilbert says, "These are all mutually exclusive." Dilbert continues... "I'd have to totally change them to make them coherent." Dilbert goes on... "In effect, I would be deciding the strategy for the entire company." The boss says, "That's okay." Dilbert replies, "It is?" The boss walks off thinking, "No one ever reads it anyway." Dilbert, at his computer thinks, "I feel sorry for those losers on the silo teams."