First Staff Meeting Comic Strips - Page 94

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View 931 - 940 results for first staff meeting comic strips. Discover the best "First Staff Meeting" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 25, 2001's comic on:


Tags #assistant manager, #clone me, #boss, #came to you, #brilliant employee

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Dilbert is sitting at his computer. The Boss approaches and says, "I need a brilliant employee to be my assistant manager." The Boss continues, "That's why I came to you." Dilbert turns and says, "That's the first nice thing..." The Boss interrupts him, "Your job is to clone me."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 21, 2001's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #across bridge, #hard work, #intern, #carpool lane, #business

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Alice has a briefcase in her hand. She says to Asok, "Asok, you're coming with me to an important meeting across the bridge." Asok is sitting at his computer. He thinks to himself, "Important!" Alice and Asok are walking. Asok says, "My hard work as an intern is paying off. Already I am invited to an important meeting!" Alice and Asok are driving past traffic. Asok exclaims, "Hey, we get the carpool lane!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 15, 2001's comic on:


Tags #English, #imcomprehensible, #weseleze, #sign something, #lawyer, #miss deadline, #frat brother, #legal

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Dilbert is meeting with the weasel nosed business associate. Dibert says, "Hey, we negotiated this deal in English but your contract is incomprehensible weaseleze!" The weasel covers his mouth sneakily. Dilbert continues, "My only choices are to sign something I don't understand or get my lawyer involved and miss my deadline!" Phil appears and puts his arm around the weasel. Dilbert says, "Ha! Now you're going to heck!" Phil responds, "Are you hassling my frat brother?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 14, 2001's comic on:


Tags #negotiated contract, #six weeks, #double delivery time, #devious weasel, #simply incompetent

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Dilbert is reading a contract while meeting with a business associate. Dilbert says, "We've negotiated this contract for six weeks and today you double your delivery time?" Dilbert continues, "I can't tell if you're an incredibly devious weasel or simply incompetent." The business associate begins to pull on his own nose and says, "Here's a clue." The business associate pulls of his nose to reveal a weasel's nose underneath. It makes the sound, "poink."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 11, 2001's comic on:


Tags #better job, #cubicle 45750r, #magic portal, #round of layoffs, #six months, #911 inside job

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A male coworker says to Dilbert and Wally, "I'm being moved to the magic portal, cubicle 4575OR!" The coworker continues, "Everyone who sits in the magic portal gets a better job within six months!" Wally and Dilbert are walking alone. Wally asks Dilbert, "There isn't a cubicle 4575OR, is there?" Dilbert responds, "The first round of layoffs are always the cruelest."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 04, 2001's comic on:


Tags #profits down, #profits went up, #putting in context, #senior mangement, #weak economy, #meeting, #business

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The Boss says to Wally and Dilbert, "Profits are down. Our senior management blames the weak economy." Dilbert responds, "So they're saying that profits went UP because of great management and DOWN because of a weak economy?" The Boss responds, annoyed, "These meetings will go faster if you stop putting things in context." Dilbert replies quietly, "Sorry."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 28, 2001's comic on:


Tags #lower costs, #retirement package, #smart employees, #rewrite mission statement, #fit better, #retired by now

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Catbert is sitting on The Boss' desk. The Boss says, "First, we'll lower costs by offering a retirement package that induces all the smart employees to leave." The Boss continues, "Then we'll rewrite our mission statement to make it fit better." Dilbert says to Dogbert, "Our new mission statement is, 'If you can read this you should have retired by now." Dogbert replies, "Ouch."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 26, 2001's comic on:


Tags #process meeting, #solve problem, #develop process, #generating ideas, #meeting, #cross - discilinary, #swat team, #offsite meeting, #meeting as firewall, #business

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Asok, The Boss, and Dilbert are sitting next to each other at a meeting. Asok raises his hand excitedly and says, "Ooh! Ooh! I know how to solve that problem!" The Boss replies, "Not so fast, Asok." Asok looks sullen as the Boss continues, "This isn't the solution meeting. This is the process meeting." The Boss continues, "Our goal is to develop a process for generating ideas to solve the problem." Wally turns to Asok and The Boss and says, "We don't know how to develop processes. Someone should have a meeting about that." Wally continues, "Someone like... a cross-disciplinary SWAT team in an offsite lockup meeting." The Boss says, "Hmm.. good idea." He then looks at Dilbert from the corner of his eye and finishes, "I guess this meeting is over." Wally continues to talk to Asok as they're walking out of the meeting. He says, "You see, Asok. You can only thwart a meeting by inventing other meetings to act as a firewall." The Boss approaches Asok at his desk and says, "Asok, I'm putting you on a cross-disciplinary SWAT team."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 04, 2001's comic on:


Tags #rash of thefts, #acts suspicious, #cut meeting, #posters, #break room, #police, #arrest, #man screams, #legal

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The Boss says to Wally and Dilbert, "We've had a rash of thefts. Be on the lookout for anyone who acts suspicious." Wally and Dilbert turn and face a coworker who says, "Can we cut this meeting short? The posters in the break room got me all motivated!" Dilbert and Wally watch as the coworker is escorted out of the meeting by the police. He screams, "Then why are they there?!!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 14, 2001's comic on:


Tags #layoff planning, #fire people, #creeps, #excessive nose haor, #called doctor, #five minute meeting

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Caption reads: "Layoff Planning." Catbert sits with the Boss at a table. The Boss says, "Let's fire all the people who give us the creeps..." "...All the people with excessive nose hair and anyone who insists on being called 'doctor.'" Carol enters into the cubicle of a man with long nose hair and bug eyes. She says, "You've got a five-minute meeting on Friday, Dr. Wolfington."