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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 14, 2009's comic on:


Tags #worried, #nervousness, #humor, #laziness, #occupation

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Dilbert says, "I'm tense because the company is downsizing and I have no project." Wally says, "Being worthless at work is only hard for the first ten years. After that it's a lifestyle." Dilbert says, "I didn't say I was worthless." Wally says, "Now you're making me nostalgic for my old denial phase."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 13, 2009's comic on:


Tags #acting, #lesson, #humor

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Office acting coach man says, "This exercise is called 'the over-worked headcount' man says, "AYOWAAAIEEEOW!" man says, "Can you do that?" Dilbert says, "Are you kidding? I only stop doing it to be polite."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 12, 2009's comic on:


Tags #acting, #lesson, #occupation

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The Boss says, "We don't have enough money to fund your project, but I don't want to downsize you and shrink my empire." The Boss says, "I hired an acting coach to teach you how to hang around the office pretending to be useful." man says, "Are you dead or just non-expressive?" Dilbert says, "It's called a 'job'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 11, 2009's comic on:


Tags #employee review, #idea, #annoyance, #raise

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The Boss says, "Once again, Wally, you have accomplished nothing this quarter." Wally says, "What about that billion dollar cost-saving idea I had?" The Boss says, "Your idea would only save one dollar per year." Wally says, "Exactly. In a billion years that a billion dollars." The Boss says, "The company won't be in business that long." Wally says, "Why not? Do you know something I don't know?" Wally says, "So, what kind of raise are we looking at here?" Dilbert says, "He gave you a billion dollar raise?" Wally says, "It's not as good as it sounds."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 10, 2009's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #mistake, #confusion, #department, #business

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The Boss says, "We'll be shutting down our aerospace division because it hasn't won any contracts in two years." The Boss says, "Rumor has it that the admin assistant was faxing all of our bids with the blank side facing up." Carol says, "The blank side isn't supposed to face up?" The Boss says, "Uh-oh."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 09, 2009's comic on:


Tags #order, #demand, #email, #internet, #annoyance, #technology

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The Boss says, "Carol, send an e-mail to the department with my leadership thought of the day." Carol says, "What is it?" The Boss says, "I'm busy. Make up something." 'That which doesn't kill you makes you stronger. So please slap me in my fat, bald head.'

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 08, 2009's comic on:


Tags #selfishness, #rudeness, #sales, #internet, #confusion, #sabotage, #business, #technology

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The lucky sales guy man says, "My sales quotas were set too low. I plan to buy a yacht with my commissions." man says, "Would you mind programming the navigation system so I can get drunk while my boat takes me places?" Asok says, "Why are you researching where all the pirates attack?" Dilbert says, "It's better if you don't know."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 07, 2009's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #sales, #annoyance, #anger, #business

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man says, "Thanks to a new law, every customer In my sales territory needed to upgrade." man says, "Now I wear a hat made of money. The funny thing is that I'm not even a good salesman." man says, "Next week, the donuts are on me." Alice says, "Die! Die! Die!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 06, 2009's comic on:


Tags #cold, #temperature, #rudeness, #sarcasm

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Carol says, "It's only 68 degrees in here. Why aren't you cold?" Wally says, "I'm a mammal, but I don't like to brag about it." Carol says, "What's that supposed to mean?" Wally says, "Stop pinging me with your sonar."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 05, 2009's comic on:


Tags #temperature, #office, #rudeness, #anger, #frustration

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Carol says, "This office is freezing. Why aren't you cold?" Dilbert says, "My brain is much larger than yours. It heats my entire body when I think." Dilbert says, "But whatever you're doing now seems to be working too." Carol thinks, "#!*$0!%"