Some Ideas Comic Strips - Page 94

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #elbonia, #airlines, #negotiate, #end, #civil, #war, #impress, #rebel, #call, #fox, #dead

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The caption says, "Dilbert takes Elbonia Airlines. He's been asked to negotiate an end to the Elbonian civil war." An Elbonian man places Dilbert and his suitcase in a giant slingshot. Dilbert flies through the air over Elbonia. Dilbert thinks, "I can succeed if I find some way to impress the rebel leader they call 'The Fox.'" Dilbert lands on an Elbonian man. Another Elbonian yells, "The Fox is dead!!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #waiter, #hair, #soup, #date, #men and woman, #served, #integrity, #analysis, #comparison, #tough, #waiters, #restaurant, #own, #lab, #problems, #hairy, #Food, #clumps

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Dilbert and a woman sit at a table in a restaurant. Dilbert says, "Waiter, there's a hair in my soup." The waiter says, "It looks like one of yours. I'm sure it wasn't there when I served it." Dilbert says angrily, "It is NOT one of mine!" The waiter replies, "Sir! You insult my integrity!" The waiter says, "I shall send the hair to our lab for analysis." Dilbert replies, "Fair enough." The waiter pulls out some of Dilbert's hair and says, "They'll need a clump of your hair for comparison." Dilbert cries, "Ouch!" Dilbert tells the woman, "You have to be tough with these waiters or else they'll walk all over you." The woman asks, "Does it seem odd to you that the restaurant has it's own lab?" Dilbert replies, "They must have a lot of problems with hairy food." The waiter returns and says, "The lab says they need a few more clumps of your hair . . ."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #creative, #ideas, #worry, #shakes, #Wally, #track, #record, #work, #ahead

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Dilbert and Wally sit at a table eating lunch. Dilbert says, "Sometimes I worry that I'll never be creative again. Maybe my best ideas are behind me." Wally replies, "Oh, I wouldn't worry. Nothing you've done up to now has been any great shakes either." Dilbert says, "Ooh, so maybe my best work is still ahead of me." Wally replies, "Well, you have to consider the track record here."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #emotion, #Dogbert, #mood, #e.t., #neighbor, #cat, #fat, #fool, #academy, #best, #dog, #frozen, #lavatory, #imagine, #passing, #sorrow

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Dilbert points a video camera at Dogbert and says, "Let's see some emotion, Dogbert." Dogbert says, "I need to be in the mood." Dilbert says, "Remember when it looked like 'E.T.' died, but really he didn't?" Dogbert sniffs like he is about to cry. Dilbert says, "The neighbor's cat says you're fat." Dogbert says angrily, "The fool!" Dilbert says, "Imagine you won an academy award for 'Best Dog.'" Dogbert looks surprised and says, "Me?!!" Dilbert says, "Imagine some frozen lavatory waste from a passing jet crashes through the roof and flattens me as I film this." Dogbert falls over and laughs. Dilbert asks, "Is that sorrow? It doesn't look like sorrow." Dogbert thinks, "Oops."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #Dilbert, #date-a-base, #Women, #nice, #guy, #quotes, #donahue, #sincere, #expand, #primates

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Dogbert stands on a chair using a computer while Dilbert watches. Dogbert says, "I'll search my Date-a-Base for women who want a nice guy and don't care about looks." Dogbert says, "All I'm getting are some quotes from guests on 'Donahue,' but they don't seem sincere." Dogbert continues, "Maybe if I expand the search to include all primates . . ." Dilbert asks, "Why did you add 'don't care about looks?'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #parent, #license, #parents, #old, #system, #parts, #brain, #garbanzo, #developed, #written, #test, #weed, #major, #bozos, #baby, #cries, #boss, #poor, #grades, #tutor, #discipline

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A man and woman see a sign on a building that says "Parent licenses." The man says, "We'd better check it out." Dogbert sits at a desk. The man asks, "Why do we need a license to become parents?" Dogbert replies, "Something had to be done." Dogbert continues, "Under the old system, all you needed to be a parent was a few body parts and a brain the size of a garbanzo bean." Dogbert reaches into the desk drawer and continues, "So I developed this written test to weed out the major bozos." The woman reads, "If a baby cries, you should: A. Feed it. B. Discipline it. C. Call it 'stupid.'" The man says, "You have to show it who's the boss." The woman reads, "If a child gets poor grades you should: A. Tutor him. B. Discipline him. C. Call him 'stupid.'" The man asks, "What does 'tutor' mean?" The woman reads, "An acceptable nickname for a child is: A. Junior B. Ugly C. Stupid." The man says, "Depends if it's a boy." The man asks Dogbert, "Well? Can we be parents?" Dogbert replies, "No. And you'll have to leave some body parts at the front desk."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #aliens, #abductiving, #probe, #body, #cavities, #implant, #objects, #advanced, #medical, #research, #round, #pellet, #prober, #nose

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Dilbert and Dogbert sit at the table. Dilbert says, "We can only speculate why aliens keep abducting people." Dilbert continues, "They often probe people's body cavities. Sometimes they implant small objects. It must be some form of highly advanced medical research." An alien says to another alien, "How about another round of 'Hide the Pellet?'" The other alien holds up an instrument and replies, "Okay. I can use my nose prober."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #Dilbert, #demangogue, #issue, #appeals, #emotions, #blind, #prejudices, #masses, #frenzy, #national, #unmarried, #Men, #responsible, #violent, #crimes, #Pets

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Dilbert sits at his desk. Dogbert says, "I've decided to become a demagogue." Dogbert continues, "I'll find some issue that appeals to the emotions and blind prejudices of the masses, then I'll whip it into a media frenzy and become a national figure." Dogbert continues, "For example, unmarried men are responsible for most of our violent crimes." Dilbert replies, "That's because we tend to have pets."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #detective, #research, #potential, #romantic, #partner, #considering, #dating, #worried, #bill, #ego, #emotional, #depth, #conversations, #cheating, #body, #mind, #normal, #bad, #news

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Dogbert sits at a desk under a sign that says, "Detective research on your potential romantic partner." A woman says, "I'm considering dating a man, but I'm worried." Dogbert asks, "What's his name?" The woman answers, "Bill . . . His name is Bill." Dogbert says, "Ahh . . . Bill . . . Yes, I know all about Bill." Dogbert continues, "Bill has a huge ego. All he thinks about is himself." Dogbert continues, "He has no emotional depth and he thinks of your conversations as mere chatter. He wants your body, not your mind." Dogbert continues, "Several times a day, Bill imagines himself with different women." The woman looks upset. The customer says, "Darn. This time I thought I'd found a normal guy." Dogbert says, "I have some really bad news for you."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #garbage man, #Dilbert, #looks, #invented, #molecule, #bifurcation, #communicator, #einstein, #thought, #physicist, #john, #stuart, #fleshed, #1964, #calculation, #error

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The garbage man says to Dilbert, "From the looks of your garbage, you've invented some sort of molecule bifurcation communicator." The garbage man continues, "Ah, yes, Einstein thought this type of thing might work. Physicist John Stuart Bell kind of fleshed it out in 1964. But you've really added something . . ." The garbage man points to a scrap of paper and says, "Specifically, you've added this calculation error here."