Good Bye Lunch Comic Strips - Page 94

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #interview, #job, #running, #questions, #economy, #business, #Sports

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Job interview Dogbert says, "Would you take a bullet for the team?" Dilbert says, "Um?sure." Dogbert says, "Good. The team is already at the firing range waiting for you." Zing Zing Zing Dilbert thinks, "Stupid weak economy!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #job, #hatred, #advise, #business

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Dilbert works in collections Dilbert says, " how am I supposed to collect money from people who don't have any?" Woman says, "Tell them to rob someone you don't like." Dilbert says, "?and that's my supervisor's home address. But you'd better hurry before all the good stuff is gone."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting, #presentation, #misdirection, #confused, #business

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Director of Marketecture Director of Marketecture says, "It is better to seem good than to be good." Being Good (overrated) Director of Marketecture says, "A misleading benchmark test can accomplish in minutes what years of good engineering can never do." Alice says, "Is it our maturity that makes that concept sound okay?" Dilbert says, "I hope so."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business plan, #confused, #deception

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The boss says, "your PowerPoint slides impressed the executives so much that they're changing our entire strategy." Dilbert says, "Those slides were nothing but a bunch of garbage dressed up to look good." The boss says, "And that's what our new product line will be!" Dilbert says, "Oh."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #economy, #fear, #policies, #evil, #cruel

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Catbert says, "The employees are scared shirtless about losing their jobs." Catbert says, "This is a good time to cut their benefits and roll out some Draconian corporate policies." Dilbert says, "'In the event of a bomb threat, the employees are expected to shield the servers with their bodies.'" Wally says, "I miss my shirt."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #work, #project, #change, #angry, #frustrated, #stupidity

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The Boss says, "I made some improvements to your drawings and sent them for fabrication." Dilbert says, "Gaaa!!!" The boss says, "But don't worry - I left your name on them so you'll get all of the credit." Dilbert says, "Waaaa!!!" The boss says, "You don't handle good news very well." Dilbert says, "Shoot me! Shoot me! Shoot me!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #flash, #camera, #danger, #death, #injury, #medical

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Dilbert says, "The flash on our smart phone prototype is so strong that it's dangerous." The boss says, "I'd better show this to our CEO." Dilbert says, "Is that really a good idea?" Dogbert says, "Now pose with Ted so I can get a group shot."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #money, #happy, #bragging, #angry, #economy, #value

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Carol says, "I live in a rented trailer, and all of my money is in my checking account." Carol says, "Your investments are worthless and your mortgage is underwater. My net worth is higher than yours now." Carol says, "I guess promiscuity and a G.E.D. was a pretty good strategy for me after all."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #crime, #asking, #confused, #ridicule, #worthless, #drinking, #coffee

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Wally says, "I've decided to dabble in crime. I nees some henchmen. Are you in?" Asok says, "What does a henchman do?" Wally says, "A henchman's job is to be gunned down in reverse order to his importance." Asok says, "How important am I?" Wally says, "I wouldn't pack lunch for orientation day."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #sitting, #lunch, #investing, #money, #crime, #trick

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Wally says, "I retired from my life of corporate crime and put all of my illicit earnings in a mutual fund." Dilbert says, "How do you know the mutual fund is legitimate?" Wally says, "What?" The boss says, "We got all of the money back?" Dogbert says, "We?"