Infinity Plus One Comic Strips - Page 94
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"You're the only one who hasn't finished the mandatory online six sigma training." "I finished it, but the system crashed before it stored my data." "This is when you say, 'There's no need to retake the training. I'll just check off your name.'" "Are you new on this planet?"
"Tina, we need some customer success stories for the web site." "The closest things we have are these complaint letters. Just change a few words." "Change 'kick' to 'kiss' and this one is done, albeit disturbingly."
Asok: What is the priority of your budget request? Alice: Highest of the high. Asok: everyone rated their own budget needs "Highest Priority" It is a mockery f the priority system! Asok: Name one thing that everyone would agree is a low priority. Alice: whatever you're doing.
"After months of work, I finished our bid for the huge galatikus project." "I'll deliver it to them." "If it's on minute late, we'll be disqualified. The future of our company depends on us winning this bid." "He must think I'm a... Whoa, what's this?" "Irish line dancing lessons 10% off."
Wally: "In only one week my project team has created a time line and identified the resources we need." "Next week, we plan to revise the time line and re-examine our resource needs." "Good work." "There must be a thousand ways to say I haven't done anything." "Wait.."
Asok: "Since I became project manager, no one has returned my calls or responded to my e-mails." Asok: "Luckily, I'm an I.I.T. graduate, mentally superior to most people on Earth, so I finished the project myself." Wally: "Are you tired?" Asok: "I am trained to only sleep during national holidays."
Dogbert: Would you like to make a hundred million dollars for just showing up at work? Dogbert: My audio lessons teach you how to become an underperforming CEO. $19.95 Step One: become A CEO> Step Two: Be the sort who would buy these audio lessons.
Man: "I love golf. Golfing is fun. It's a good day to golf. Do you want to go golfing in the rain tomorrow at 6 A.M.?" Wally: "No, thanks. I have plans to sandpaper my entire body and roll around in salt." Man: "I hope no one ever creates a scoring system for that."