Know Every Tragedy Comic Strips - Page 94

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #golf tournament, #contrast, #strikes you, #contrast in jobs, #secretary and boss

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The Boss: I'm off to the executive golf tournament. "It just struck me how much contrast there is between your job and mine. Gotta go." Carol: "Let me know if anything else strikes you."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #internal phone lists, #excellent reasons, #policy, #random policy generator, #suspicious, #not helpful

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"You're not allowed to have internal phone lists on your wall." "There are excellent reasons for this policy, and I hope to someday know what they are." "They're getting suspicious about the random policy generator." spoit!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dogcart consults, #software has bugs, #repackaging, #rust inhibitor, #error messages, #people aren't stupid, #they are, #spit when type

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Dogbert says to Dilbert and the Boss, "Your software product is riddled with bugs." Dogbert continues, "I recommend repackaging it as a rust inhibitor for computers." Dogbert says, "The ads will say 'you know it's working because of all the error messages'." Dilbert replies, "People aren't stupid." Dogbert answers, "According to my research they are." Dogbert shows a diagrahm of a human brain with each section labeled. The Boss replies, "I think the rust turned my exclamation upside down." Dilbert says, "That's the letter 'I'."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #presidential candiditae, #funny haired one, #social policies, #exact opposite, #tax plan, #bad plan, #make out, #like intelligent men, #she lied

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Dilbert asks Tina, "Which presidential candidates do you like?" Tina replies scratching her head, "I strongly favor the one with the funny hair. I forgot his name." Dilbert says, "His social policies are the exact opposite of your views." Tina answers, "Really?" Tina says to Dilbert, "Well, I like his tax plan." Dilbert replies, "Every credible economist thinks it's a bad plan." Tina answers, "Oh." Dilbert says, "It's a good thing we talked before you polluted the system with your vote." Dilbert then asks Tina, "Do you want to make out?" Dilbert arrives at home and explains to Dogbert, "She claimed to like intelligent men, but she lied."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #marketing wasn't cooperating, #come running, #probelms, #hyprocrsy, #set up

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Dilbert: You said to tell you if marketing wasn't cooperating. The Boss: You can't come running to me with every little problem. Go fix it. Dilbert: Then why did you tell me to tell you?! The boss: It's just something I say.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #accused of punching, #crazy coworker, #defense, #less carzy, #list of employees, #further punching

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Catbert: "Alice, you've been accused of punching a crazy co-worker." Alice: "In my defense, it did make her less crazy." Catbert: "I know. Here's a list of additional crazy employees I'd like you to punch."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Did you know that loneliness can't be cured by listening to others? "You can only feel alive and whole when others are listening to you?" "What do you think of that?" "Think of what?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Everything you do is different from the way I would do it. "That's how I know you're doing everything wrong." "I wouldn't be making that face."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ceo, #eliminate dept, #what do we do, #explain things, #morons

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The boss: Our CEO wants to eliminate our department because he doesn't know what we do. "I need someone to tell me what we do so I can tell him." Dilbert: "We explain things to morons." The Boss: "Should I be writing this down?"

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Catbert: Evil director of human resources "I hired two people to work on your project." "One is a mumbler and the other one is hard of hearing but doesn't know it." "Mmmm, afterglow."