Why Don't We Format Comic Strips - Page 94

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 15, 2002's comic on:


Tags #powerpoint slides, #ceos visit, #needs to fix

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The Boss says to Alice, "Have you finished your 'powerpoint' slides for the CEO's visit?" Alice responds, "Yes. I'm focusing on all the things we do wrong. Because that's what he needs to fix." The Boss' jaw drops. Alice continues, "Just kidding, there's no useful information." The Boss replies, "Don't joke!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 21, 2002's comic on:


Tags #demoting to engineer, #job to crony, #real work, #pretend, #working, #one wally

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The new Senior Vice President says to The Boss, "I'm demoting you to engineer so I can give your current job to one of my cronies." The Boss exclaims, "I won't survive. I don't know how to do real work!" The Boss says to Wally, "Wally, can you teach me how to pretend to be working?" Wally replies, "Whoa! There can only be one Wally."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 28, 2002's comic on:


Tags #downsized, #no revenue, #three months, #fire billing, #excellent performance

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The Boss says to Ted, "Ted, your performance is excellent but I have to downsize you." Ted asks, "Why?" The Boss replies, "Our billing system is so defective that we haven't made any revenue in three months." Ted asks, "Why don't you fire the billing department?" The Boss responds, "I did... three months ago."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 04, 2002's comic on:


Tags #vacant offices, #layoffs, #nice office, #actual door

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Dilbert says to The Boss, "We sure have a lot of vacant offices since the layoffs." Dilbert continues, "I wouldn't mind having a nice office with an actual door. Why don't you let me have one?" The Boss responds, "Okay, take one." Dilbert shakes with anger and exclaims, "STOP TOYING WITH ME!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 12, 2002's comic on:


Tags #new guy, #no assignment, #looking for project, #ineffectual, #good attendance, #head nodding

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A new employee approaches Dilbert and says, "I'm a new guy with no assignment. I'm looking for a project to horn into." The new employee continues, "But don't be threatened by me. I'm exceptionally ineffectual." The new employee continues, "I'm trying to build a career based on good attendance and head-nodding."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 14, 2002's comic on:


Tags #engineering decison, #project, #need to act, #fiber capacity, #serial input, #meeting, #communication problems, #table, #business

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The Boss says to Dilbert, "I needed to make an engineering decision about your project this morning." The Boss continues, "You'll need to act like you agree with it so I don't look stupid." Dilbert is at a meeting. A coworker turns to Dilbert and says, "Explain to us how fiber capacity can be increased by serial input at breakfast."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 20, 2002's comic on:


Tags #accounting system, #less transparent, #investors, #bad people, #corrupt corporate culture

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Dilbert, the troll, and Asok are meeting. Dilbert says, "Our assignment is to make our accounting system less transparent." Asok asks, "What?" Dilbert turns to Asok and says, "We don't want investors to know what we're doing." Asok asks, "Are we bad people?" Dilbert responds, "We're good people who have been influenced by a corrupt corporate culture." Asok says, "Oh, okay. Carry on."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 25, 2002's comic on:


Tags #falling for robot, #human, #robo boss, #robot, #shallow compliments, #soulless machine

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Roboboss and Alice are at dinner. Alice says, "Roboboss, can this relationship work? After all, I'm a human.." Alice continues, "And you're a soulless machine designed to give shallow compliments to employees." Roboboss says, "You're giving 110%." Alice replies, "Stop.. don't make me love you."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 22, 2002's comic on:


Tags #bankrupt, #401k money gone, #investing, #competitors stock, #wally rich, #investing in competition

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Wally is sitting at his computer. Alice approaches and says, "Wally, what are we going to do now that we're bankrupt and our 401k money is gone?" Wally responds, "No problem. I've been investing all of my money in our competitor's stock. Now I'm rich." Alice asks, "Why do you still come to work?" Wally responds, "I don't know how to make coffee."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 29, 2002's comic on:


Tags #face for wrinkles, #face is killing me, #inject deadly poison, #botox, #dermal fillers, #botchulism

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Dilbert is sitting at his computer. A female coworker approaches and asks, "Do you think I should inject a deadly poison in my face to hide wrinkles?" Dilbert responds, "It's only fair that you poison your face, because your face is killing me. Hee Hee Hee!" The coworker says, "The correct answer is 'You don't need to.'" Dilbert replies, "Was your mother a shar-pei?"