Work Day Comic Strips - Page 95

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 22, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #doctor, #patients, #turbocharged, #x-ray, #machine, #waiting, #room, #eyes, #diagnoses, #arrive, #mail, #stroke, #genius, #schedule, #hypochondriacs

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Dogbert, who is holding a stethoscope, says to a room full of people, "Attention, all patients!" Dogbert continues, "I have turbocharged the x-ray machine and aimed it at the waiting room. Everybody close your eyes for five minutes then leave. Your diagnoses will arrive by mail." Dogbert walks away saying, "It was a stroke of genius to schedule all of the hypochondriacs for the same day."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 19, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #elbonians, #leader, #rebel, #diplomat, #peace, #mission, #rock, #pig, #varnish, #clams, #break

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An Elbonian lies face down in the mud. Another Elbonian man says to Dilbert, "You crushed our leader. Now YOU must be the new rebel leader." Dilbert replies, "I'm a diplomat, on a peace mission." The Elbonian says, "A wise Elbonian once said 'In a race between a rock and a pig, don't varnish your clams.'" Dilbert says, "That's stupid." The Elbonian crosses his arms and asks, "What kind of diplomat are you??" Dilbert replies, "First day on the job . . . Gimme a break."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 09, 1992's comic on:


Tags #violence, #the boss, #employee, #humor, #tension, #creativity, #slam

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The Boss says to an employee, "I'm using humor at work to ease tension and improve our creativity." The Boss slams the man's head into his keyboard and laughs. The Boss walks away leaving the man looking dazed. The Boss thinks, "That loosened him up."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 11, 1992's comic on:


Tags #violence, #the boss, #Dilbert, #alice, #ted, #program, #humor, #kick me, #relaxed, #creative, #advantage, #situation

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The Boss hands a sign to Dilbert, Alice and Ted. The Boss says, "As part of my program to use more humor at work, I'm asking each of you to wear a 'kick me' sign." The Boss tapes a sign to Dilbert's back and says, "I'll check later to see if you're more relaxed and creative." Later, the Boss says to Alice, "You seem to be taking unfair advantage of the situation, Alice." Dilbert and two male co-workers stand covering their groins and looking like they are in pain.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 12, 1993's comic on:


Tags #office workers, #Dilbert, #ibm, #ram, #sparc, #cpu, #lan, #ai, #avr, #bisdn, #g, #good, #work

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A man says to Dilbert, ". . . So, either an IBM 586 with 10 meg RAM or maybe a Sparc CPU on a LAN . . ." The man continues, ". . . But with AI and AVR combined with BISDN, well, it's very G." Dilbert asks, "G?" The man replies, "Good."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 18, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #home, #friend, #tea, #lemon, #waffles, #Dogbert, #lousy

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Dilbert, who is wearing a bathrobe, says to Dogbert, "I'm feeling ill. I think I'll stay home today." Dogbert replies, "Great . . . Now you'll try to make me feel sorry for you so I'll wait on you all day. Well, that's a lousy thing to do to a friend." Dilbert says, "Gee, I'm sorry. Can I get you anything while I'm up?" Dogbert replies, "Tea with lemon. And some waffles."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 22, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #business, #Card, #romance, #interpreter, #dates, #translate, #male, #female, #language, #date, #women and men

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Dilbert sits in his chair and Dogbert stands on the hassock. Dogbert says, "Here's my new business card. I'm a romance interpreter." Dogbert explains, "For a small fee I'll accompany you on dates and translate between male and female language." Dilbert, Dogbert and a woman sit at a table in a restaurant. The woman says, "Blah blah blah." Dogbert translates, "She's telling a pointless story about work. By annoying you in this way she hopes to form a closer bond."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 23, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #class, #career, #options, #engineer, #retire, #major, #catastrophe, #consultants, #project, #teams, #real, #crush, #marketing, #donuts

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Dilbert says to a classroom of children, "The goal of every engineer is to retire without getting blamed for a major catastrophe." Dilbert continues, "Engineers prefer to work as 'consultants' on project teams. That way there's no real work, blame is spread across the group, and you can crush any idea from marketing!" Dilbert continues, ". . . And sometimes you get free donuts just for showing up!" The teacher says, "Get out of my classroom."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 26, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #justify, #computer, #Draw, #attention, #empowerment, #quiet

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Dilbert sits at his desk thinking, "I need to work on something big so I can justify my existence here." Dilbert thinks, "But not something important, because that would draw attention to me at a time of staff cuts." Dilbert thinks, "What can I do that costs a lot but nobody wants?" The Boss walks by thinking, "'Empowerment' sure made them quiet."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 30, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #news, #jobs, #billion, #owls, #asteroid, #coincidence, #researchers, #television, #device, #idiots

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The caption says, "Dogbert's good news show." Dogbert sits at a news desk and says, "Nine out of ten people have jobs . . . Three billion people had a nice day today . . . And the forest has plenty of owls." The caption says, "Regular news show." A news anchor says, "A huge asteroid could destroy earth! And by coincidence, that's the subject of tonight's miniseries." The other reporter yells, "We'll all die!!" The caption says, "Back to Dogbert . . ." Dogbert holds a remote control and says, "In science, researchers proved that this simple device can keep idiots off of your television screen."