New Employee Programs Comic Strips - Page 95

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for New Employee Programs

View 941 - 950 results for new employee programs comic strips. Discover the best "New Employee Programs" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #changed product design, #old design, #new design, #balme, #ahtred, #same person

View Transcript

Transcript

CoWorker: I changed the product design. Dilbert: "It's worse than the old design." Coworker: "You asked me to come up with a new design." Dilbert: "I meant a new design that's better than the old design." Coworker: "Great. You could have told me that before I did all this work." "How do you think this makes me feel?" "No one would blame me for hating you." "I'm the only sane person in this company."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #mandatory meeting, #health and well being, #theme of meeting, #healthy employees are unprodcutive, #exercsing, #eating fruit, #work hard and die, #feel sick, #right on schedule

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: Tomorrow is the mandatory meeting on employee health and well-being. "The meeting starts at 6 A.M. So it will interfere with your sleep and not your work." Dilbert: "Doesn't that send a message that work is more important than health?" The Boss: "I hope so. That's the theme of the meeting." "Healthy employees are unproductive." "They're always exercising or eating fruit when they should be working." "We prefer employees who work hard and die before their pensions start paying out." Dilbert: "Suddenly I feel sick." The Boss: "Right on schedule!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #charge less, #enginners, #honesty, #stop, #brilliant suggestion

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss: Explain why you charge less of your time to projects than all the other engineers. Dilbert: "I'm trying something new. It's called honesty." The Boss: "Stop doing that." Dilbert: "Okay brilliant suggestion."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #new guy, #huge wesel, #new hires, #credible, #complin, #stop doing, #stop working

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: The new guy is a huge weasel. Don't believe anything he says. The Boss: "You say that about all the new hires so they won't seem credible when they complain about you." Wally: "I'll stop doing it when it stops working."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #rebalance 401k, #new starategy, #element of surprise

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: Our new strategy has never worked for anyone before. "That will give us the element of surprise." "Let's get started!" Dilbert: "Can I rebalance my 401(k) first?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #family friendly policy, #implemented, #children, #parents, #needs of family, #school, #sick, #rugby game, #denta;appoitments, #responsibility of parent, #surprised, #Family, #education, #medical

View Transcript

Transcript

Carol: "I'd like to take advantage of our new family friendly policy." "Three of my kids have bronchitis, two have dental appointments, one is in a school play, and one has a rugby game." "In all likelihood, you will never see me again." The boss: "We didn't think this through."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #intern, #test pilot, #new moon, #shuttle prototype, #wiser, #monkey on first flight

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: "Asok, I need an intern to test-pilot our new moon shuttle prototype." Asok: "Wouldn't it be wiser to send a monkey on the first flight?" The Boss: "You're thinking of the second flight."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #disciuss company politics, #career monefield, #project, #new strategic direction, #upcoming reorganization, #plan to criticize, #something good happens

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: "I'm not allowed to discuss the company politics that form a career minefield around your project." "And I can't tell you the company's new strategic direction, or anything about our upcoming reorg." The boss: "My plan is to criticize you until something good happens."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #firing, #incompetent, #another job, #lack of training, #new job, #incompetence, #normal

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: "Bruce, you're totally incompetent at your job, so I've moving you to another job." "I'm hoping your lack of training for your new job will make your incompetence seem normal." Half of this job is know when to give up."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cubicle, #too small, #spoiled, #sneaks up

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: My new cubicle is too small. It looks fine to me." "It only seems small because you were so spoiled before." wally: "I didn't feel spoiled." Dilbert: "Apparently it sneaks up on you."