Tell People Ideas Comic Strips - Page 95

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View 941 - 950 results for tell people ideas comic strips. Discover the best "Tell People Ideas" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #happiness not realted, #level of wealth, #relative wealth, #good job

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"Research has shown that happiness is not related to one's absolute level of wealth." "What matters is one's relative wealth compared to other people." "So, if I do a good job, could you cut this guy's pay?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #quirky co worker, #colossal waste, #invented table, #executive recruiter, #leadership or crazy, #wallet alone

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"GAAA!!! I'm changing!!!" "Suddenly I see you not as a quirky coworker, but as a colossal waste of resources!" "Do you think you matter? No, you do not. I matter." "I invented this table!" "I'd better call someone." "It's an emergency. Send the executive recruiter." "What's your status?!!" "Is it leadership or just regular crazy?" "Too soon to tell." "Hey! Leave my wallet alone!" "He's one of ours."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #underlings, #anything useful, #little people, #deadly accident, #vow, #in office, #listening to little people

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"Carol, don't let the underlings of my underling come into my office." "I can't learn anything useful by listening to the little people." "I renew my vow to lure you into a deadly accident!!" "Whoa! Whoa! Tell it to my underling."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #10 million dollars, #company, #four people, #weather website, #web monitoring, #business

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"Alice, this year you did the work of four people and made over $10 million for the company." "But according to our web monitoring software, you used company resources to look at a weather web site." "Thief."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #what fresh hell, #eyebrows grow, #comb them, #asleep, #quiet today

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"What fresh hell is this?" "I'm letting my eyebrows grow out." "If I comb them over my eyes, no one can tell that I'm asleep." "You're quiet today."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #programmers, #agile programming, #methods, #more work, #fewer people

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We need three more programmers. "Use agile programming methods." "Agile programming doesn't just mean doing more work with fewer people." "Find me some words that DO mean that and ask again."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ted snadwhich, #left in breakroom, #marked ted, #lost weight, #anger, #red faced

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"I'll be right back. I'm going to grab a Ted sandwich before the meeting." "A what?" "The food people always leave one sandwich in the break room fridge labeled Ted. It tastes like ham." "You're looking good, Ted. Have you lost weight?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #buiness stragey, #list, #past years, #no afraid of change, #deserve bonus, #generous, #good looking, #rhetorical question

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Our new business strategy is... "Hold on." "I made a list of all of our strategies for the past five years." "There have been seventeen of them." "What does that tell us?" "That I'm not afraid of change." "And that I've been working hard and I deserve a huge bonus." "And that I'm kind and generous and good looking." "You have to give him credit. The man knows how to answer a rhetorical question."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #sourpuss, #wast of time, #drum, #half full

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Sourpuss "Whatever you're doing there looks like a complete waste of time." "If you beat your head against the wall, that doesn't make it a drum." "People say the glass is half full. But they don't say of what."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #billion dollar line, #design, #ecstatic, #massive design flaws, #press release, #proper incenives, #stock options, #underwater

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"I told our CEO that the design would be done in a month. He's ecstatic!" "That would be good except that I told you it won't be done for six months." "Ooh." "So, I guess you'll have to tell him." "It's too late." "He's already issued a press release. You'll have to finish the design in a month." "The only way to do it in a month is to accept massive design flaws that will destroy a billion dollar line of business." "That's okay. My stock options are so underwater that it won't make any difference." "I'll just blame all of the problems on the Chinese company that manufactures our products." "Ultimately, it's the CEO's fault for failing to give me proper incentives."