Dogbert Tech Support Comic Strips - Page 95

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for Dogbert Tech Support

View 941 - 950 results for Dogbert Tech Support comic strips. Discover the best "Dogbert Tech Support" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #disappointing people, #meeting start late, #answer is misleading, #deadline ignored, #work is shoddy, #empthy, #blocking view of wall

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: "Lately, every person I deal with seems to disappoint me." Dilbert: "Every meeting starts late, every answer is misleading, every deadline is ignored, and all work is shoddily done." DIlbert: "I guess what I'm saying is that today I need some empathy." Dogbert: "You are totally blocking my view of the wall."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #netwrok security, #buggy, #complicated, #user guide, #pure evil, #tech support dept, #chimp with typewriter, #strategy, #victims, #hair quiver, #consultants, #paid by hour

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert Consults. DOgbert: "Your network-security product is buggy and complicated." "Your used guide is an inspired work of pure evil." "And your tech-support department is an inebriated chimpanzee with a typewriter." "One strategy would be to fix all of those problems." The Boss: "What's the other strategy?" Dogbert: "Sell consulting services to your victims... I mean customers!" The Boss: "I'm so happy, it's making my hair quiver!" "But what do we do when our consultants can't make our products work either?" Dogbert: "They're paid by the hour." The Boss: "QUIVER!!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #criticize things, #dont understnd, #kyoto treaty, #flat tax, #unfair, #stem cells

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: I've decided to spend more time criticizing things I don't understand. I say we should flat-tax the kyoto treaty all the way back to the security council, Dilbert: wouldn't that be unfair to stem cells? Dogbert: Bah!

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #subatomic particle, #statisfied cutomers, #arthur quark, #george meaon, #signed certificate

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: "For five hundred dollars, I'll name a subatomic particle after you." "Some of my satisfied customers include Arthur C. Quark, and George Meson." "It comes with an unsigned certificate!" Dilbert: "I like 'em clean."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #functions to outsorce, #dont do well, #management, #sales, #quality control, #core competenece, #brown table startegy, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert points to a slide and says, "As requested, I put together a list of functions we should outsource." Dilbert continues, "I limited my list to things we don't do well." The Boss and Wally listen as Dilbert's voice continues, "Marketing, quality control, engineering, finance, human resources, and customer support." Dilbert says, "That leaves us with our core competence..." Dilbert continues, "... Sitting around a brown table." Dilbert says, "And, of course, our ability to speak honestly without fear of retribution." The Boss says, "You will never get another raise as long as I'm alive." Dilbert responds, "Well, that puts a lot of pressure on the brown table strategy."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business reporter, #wall times post gazette, #new product line, #nick name for ceo

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert answers his work phone, "Hi, this is Dilbert." The voice on the other end says, "Hi, I'm a business reporter for the Wall Times Post Gazette." The reporter says, "I'm doing a story about how dumb.. I mean dynamic... your new product line is." Dilbert comes home and tells Dogbert, "Then he promised not to print the amusing nickname I have for our CEO." Dogbert responds, "You are so dynamic."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #great leader, #read books, #inspired leaders for centuries, #first pyramids, #12 year old pharoah, #look naughty

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert is standing next to a stack of books on The Boss' desk. He says, "If you want to be a great leader, read the books that have inspired leaders for centuries." Dogbert holds up a book and says, "For example, the first pyramids were built after a twelve-year-old pharaoh read this book." The Boss reads the title, "Things That Look Naughty From Miles Away."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #fooglepoopillion, #embarrased, #tell the truth, #best policy, #honesty, #what you say

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert is at home. He says to Dogbert, "My company lost a frooglepoopillion dollars. I'm embarrassed to tell people where I work." Dogbert responds, "Never be afraid to tell the truth about yourself." Dilbert asks, "Because honesty is the best policy?" Dogbert replies, "Because no one pays any attention to what you say."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #smell like manager, #fiery concoction, #agree with me, #breath enhancer, #around up cigarettes, #farm shovels, #coffee

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert is standing on The Boss' desk. He points to a bottle and says to The Boss, "A good manager needs to smell like a manager." Dogbert continues, "Your breath should be a fiery concoction that says, "Agree with me or die." Dogbert picks up the bottle and says, "Try 'Dogbert's Management Breath Enhancer.' made from ground-up cigarettes, farm shovels, and coffee."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #announce record losses, #graphics department, #inebriated simians, #ratbert, #drawing, #monkey, #animals

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says to Dogbert, "We need to announce our record losses in a way that doesn't make management look like..." Dogbert finishes The Boss' sentence, "Inebriated simian miscreants?" The Boss replies, "Right." Headline: Graphics Department. Ratbert holds up a drawing of a monkey. Dogbert responds, "They want to go in a whole other direction."