Can't Do Job Comic Strips - Page 95

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View 941 - 950 results for can't do job comic strips. Discover the best "Can't Do Job" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #the boss, #policy, #job performance, #career

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The Boss says to Dilbert, "Our newest fad policy is to have subordinates appraise their boss's job performance." Dilbert says, "I give you a 'D minus.'" The Boss asks, "Did I mention retribution?" Dilbert says, "Careful, sir, you're hanging by a thread."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #the boss, #patent, #budget, #raise

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Dilbert stands in front of the Boss's desk and says, "My patent will make fifty million dollars for the company, so I thought maybe you could afford to give me a raise." The Boss replies, "Unfortunately, the profit bucket is not connected to the budget bucket, so there's no money for a raise." Dilbert says, "I think some recognition of a job well-done is appropriate here." The Boss replies, "Thanks. It WAS one of my better excuses."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #budget, #work, #exciting, #numbers, #real, #job

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Dilbert sits at his desk. A man says, "Hey, 'Dil-Butt,' I hear they got you doing budget work now." The man says, "Ha ha! It must be really exciting work. I mean, gosh, making all those numbers add up." The man walks away saying, "Ha ha! I'm glad I have a REAL job!" Dilbert clicks the mouse and thinks, "Not anymore."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #light, #dense, #forced, #job, #highschool, #gym, #teacher, #subjects

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Dilbert sits in his chair reading a book and Dogbert sits on the hassock. Dilbert says, ". . . As you approached the speed of light you would become infinitely dense." Dogbert asks, "Then would you be forced to take a job as a high school gym teacher?" Dilbert replies, "The book changes subjects at this point." Dogbert says, "Sounds like a cover-up."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ted, #the boss, #typo, #budget, #spreadsheet, #pay, #work, #happiest, #day, #life

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An employee says to the Boss, "I found a typo in the budget spreadsheet . . . It's too late to fix it." The man continues, "We transferred one job to another group but accidentally kept the money and headcount." The Boss tells another man, ". . . So, we still pay you but you aren't allowed to do work." The man thinks, "This is the happiest day of my life."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #the boss, #Dilbert, #alice, #team, #spirit, #free, #time, #job, #motivate, #bogged, #down, #details

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The Boss says to Dilbert, Wally and Alice, "In order to build team spirit I've decided you should have lunch together once a week." The Boss continues, "I won't be there myself because it would seriously cut into my free time." The Boss continues, "Besides, it's my job to motivate, not get bogged down in the details."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #the boss, #Dilbert, #interview, #applicant, #engineer, #standard, #pens, #pencil, #perform, #natural, #fabrics, #carry, #wearing

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The Boss says, "Dilbert, I want you to interview the job applicant who's coming in today." The Boss continues, "See if he's got what it takes to be an engineer." Dilbert holds out his hand and says to the candidate, "Hi, Karl. We'll start with the standard engineering test." Karl says, "Okey dokey." Dilbert says, "I have thiry-five pens and pencils here. How many are really needed to perform your job?" Karl answers, "All of them." Dilbert says, "Correct . . . Now, what is the proper way to carry them with you?" Karl puts all of the pens and pencils in his shirt pocket. Dilbert says, "Right again. Last question: what is the advantage of wearing natural fabrics?" Karl thinks, "Uh-oh . . . Panic situation." Sweat flies off his forehead and his hair sticks up. He says, "I . . . I don't know." Dilbert says, "That's okay. I was testing your hair. You're an engineer." Karl smiles.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #the boss, #peter, #brilliant, #computer, #programmer, #job, #lack, #social, #communicate, #species, #necktie

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The Boss says to an employee, "Peter, you're a brilliant computer programmer and you like your job." The Boss continues, "Although you lack any social awareness and cannot communicate with your species, I decided to promote you to management." The Boss holds out a tie and says, "Don't be afraid . . . It's called a necktie." Peter shakes and cowers in his chair.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #s.e.w.l.t.u.i.f.e, #lay dog, #society, #engineers, #initials, #everything, #acronyms, #unwashed, #masses, #technology, #b.f.d., #big furry deal

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Dilbert tells Dogbert, "I'm joining the S.E.W.L.T.U.I.F.E." Dilbert explains, "To the lay dog, it's known as the 'Society of Engineers Who Like to Use Initials for Everything.'" Dilbert continues, "We use acronyms to set us apart from the unwashed masses who don't understand technology." Dogbert replies, "B.F.D." The caption translates Dogbert's comment as "Big Furry Deal."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #humor, #Dilbert, #the boss, #tension, #engineers, #lightbulb, #appraisal

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Dilbert sits across from the Boss's desk. The Boss says, "I'm going to use humor to ease the tension during your annual job performance appraisal." The Boss asks, "How many engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?" Dilbert says, "I don't know." The Boss says, "Well, that's consistent with your appraisal." Dilbert says, "Wait . . . I'll say three."