Desk Policy Comic Strips - Page 95
1000 Results for Desk Policy
View 941 - 950 results for desk policy comic strips. Discover the best "Desk Policy" comics from Dilbert.com.
Share January 06, 1992's comic on:
Dilbert sits at his desk. Dogbert walks up behind him carrying a gun. He says, "I bought a gun that shoots ping-pong balls!" Dogbert shoots a ball at Dilbert and it hits him in the forehead. Dogbert walks away thinking, "I love games that involve the whole family."
Share December 29, 1991's comic on:
Dilbert stands at the front of a conference room. He says, "I've been asked to brief everybody on the company's policy for protecting secret information." Dilbert continues, "All secret information must be locked up at night." Dilbert continues, "Our secrets could be of great value to our competitors." Dilbert continues, "In fact, some companies try to buy the secrets of their competitors." A woman asks, "Just out of curiosity, how much would our competitors pay for our secrets?" Dilbert replies, "Oh, I dunno . . . Maybe several times your annual salary." The people at the table smirk at each other. Dilbert thinks, "I don't think this was some of my best work."
Share December 26, 1991's comic on:
Dilbert stands in front of the Boss's desk and asks, "What did you mean when you said all employees are empowered?" Dilbert continues, "Does that mean I can control my own budget, make decisions without twelve levels of approval, and take calculated risks on my own?" The Boss replies, "No, it's just a way to blame employees for not doing the things we tell them not to do." Dilbert hangs his head and says, "No wonder you needed a new word."
Share December 14, 1991's comic on:
Dilbert sits at his desk working on his computer and Dogbert sits next to him. Dilbert says, "Knowledge is power, Dogbert." Dilbert continues, "Someday, the people who know how to use computers will rule over those who don't." Dilbert continues, "And they will have a special name for us." Dogbert says, "Secretaries."
Share December 04, 1991's comic on:
Zimbu the Monkey sits at his desk working on the computer. Dilbert says, "It's time to end this charade, Zimbu!" Dilbert continues, "Your language skills are simple rote behavior. Monkeys are incapable of logic and reasoning." Dilbert looks at the computer screen and says, "Ha! And that program you're writing -- it's probably in 'Basic.'" Zimbu asks, "Do you ever work?"
Share December 03, 1991's comic on:
Dilbert stands in front of Zimbu the Monkey's desk and says, "Look, Zimbu, you might have learned language skills at the zoo, but it takes more than that to be an engineer." Wally enters and says, "Dilbert, Zimbu, let's hit the cafeteria for morning donuts." Dilbert, Wally and Zimbu sit at a table eating donuts. Dilbert says, "Okay, after ten a.m. it takes more than language skills to be an engineer." Wally says, "Not today -- we have a staff meeting."
Share December 01, 1991's comic on:
The Boss stands behind Dilbert's desk and says, "Dilbert, do a presentation for the big boss tomorrow morning on the status of your project." Dilbert replies, "There isn't any status. You only assigned the project an hour ago." The Boss says, "Well then, do a presentation on why there's no status." Dilbert replies, "I don't have time before tomorrow morning." The Boss says, "Okay, then just do a presentation on why there's no time to do a presentation of the status." The Boss adds, "And I want to review it two days before you present it." Dilbert replies, "That would be yesterday." Dilbert asks, "Should I do a presentation on why tomorrow is less than two days from today?" The Boss replies, "Hmm . . . good. The boss likes that analytical stuff."
Share November 22, 1991's comic on:
The janitor says to Dilbert, who has fallen asleep on his desk, "Hey, mister, wake up!" Dilbert picks his head up and says, "Huh?" The janitor says, "It was all a dream! You're not a dumpy engineer -- you're really a playboy millionaire movie star!!" Dilbert says, "I . . . I am??" The janitor says as he walks away, "I love being the night janitor." Dilbert asks, "Then why do I dress like this?"
Share November 20, 1991's comic on:
Dilbert, Wally and Alice stand behind a man's desk. Wally says, "We're sorry to hear you're getting laid off, Bruce." Wally continues, "We calculated that if ten of your friends here took ten percent pay cuts then the company can keep you." Bruce says excitedly, "Gosh! You'd do that for me?" Wally replies, "No. We're here to look at your office furniture."
Share November 08, 1991's comic on:
A man stands in front of Dilbert's desk and says, "The Japanese have made an offer to buy the company." The man continues, "As CEO you would make $68 million . . . But the employees would all be laid off." Back at home, Dilbert asks Dogbert, "If I accept, what will I say to the employees?" Dogbert replies, "How about 'neener neener?'"