Reason With Idiots Comic Strips - Page 95

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for Reason With Idiots

View 941 - 950 results for reason with idiots comic strips. Discover the best "Reason With Idiots" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 24, 2007's comic on:


Tags #cansisate, #resume, #spelling errors, #hire a moron, #poor perfromance, #bigger reaise, #interview skills, #crazy good, #manipulate, #job interview

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: "Your resume is riddled with spelling errors. Why should we hire a moron?" Candidate: "My poor performance would make you look good in comparison. you'll get a bigger raise if I work here." The boss: "What do you think of him?" Dilbert: "Well, his interview skills are crazy good."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 18, 2007's comic on:


Tags #career day, #classroom, #guest speaker, #Dilbert, #engineering, #tells all, #explaining things, #to idiots, #make decisions, #misinterpreting, #massic=ve problems, #rumors overwhelm, #assign blame, #unpopular

View Transcript

Transcript

Career Day Teacher: "Class, today Dilbert will tell us what a career in engineering is all about." Dilbert: "My job involves explaining things to idiots.""Then the idiots make decisions based on misinterpreting what I said." "Then it is my job to try and fix the massive problems caused by the bad decisions." "Eventually rumors overwhelm facts, and I give up." "In the final phase, I assign blame to a unpopular coworker." "So whatever you do in life don't be unpopular." Teacher: "Don't listen to him!" Dilbert: "Said the unpopular teacher."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 06, 2007's comic on:


Tags #marginally useful things, #ageeing, #say it a certain way, #tone, #beat up, #ripped shirt, #anger, #repesct, #high strung, #co worker

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: "You should check with Ted to see if he knows about this sort of thing." Dilbert: "I'll add that to my list of marginally useful things that other people have suggested I do." Dilbert: "Apparently, agreeing isn't enough. You also need to say it a certain way."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 04, 2007's comic on:


Tags #sales questions, #vice presdient, #talk to boss, #questions, #confusion, #chaos, #time management

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: "Where do you think you're going?" Asok: "I need to ask our VP of sales a question." Wally: "Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!" "You can't speak directly with a vice president." "You need to talk to your boss, who talks to his boss, who talks to someone who is friends with the VP of sales, who then talks to him." Asok: "Wouldn't that virtually guarantee that the wrong question gets asked?" Wally: "It's better to have the right person ask the wrong question than the wrong person ask the right questions." Asok: "Do you have a minute?" The Boss: "Talk to my secretary."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 03, 2007's comic on:


Tags #problems, #solutions, #won't work, #moron

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: "Don't bring me problems, bring me solutions." Dilbert: "When I bring you solutions, you tell me they won't work and treat me like a moron." The boss: "What's the problem with that?"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 25, 2007's comic on:


Tags #be sick, #in advance, #not know, #scheduled, #sick days

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: Evil director of human resources CatBert: "From now on, all sick days must be scheduled in advance." Alice: "That's ridiculous. how are we supposed to know when we're going to be sick?" "Tomorrow." Catbert: "I hired a guy who never washes his hands to help you with scheduling."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 20, 2007's comic on:


Tags #security consultant, #suspicious behavior, #beat him, #death, #trash can, #recycle bins, #ask question, #medical

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert the security consultant Dogbert: "Be on the lookout for any suspicious behavior." "If you see a guy do something that you wouldn't do, beat him to death with a trash can." The Boss: "Can we use recycle bins?" Asok: "I wouldn't have asked that question."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 18, 2007's comic on:


Tags #make cahnges, #history suggests, #infinyte loop, #furious ball, #wild about font, #no hope finsihing

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: Make these changes and run it by me again. Dilbert: "history suggests I have entered an infinite loop of making changes with no hope of finishing." "My life is a furious ball of nothing." The Boss: "And I'm not wild about the font."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 13, 2007's comic on:


Tags #targeted for elimination, #rumor campaign, #convince eevryone, #dishonest incompetenet, #wasn't hugged enough

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: Hello, Keith. you're the next coworker I have targeted for elimination. I'll be using a rumor campaign to convince everyone you are dishonest and incompetent. Keith: Why??? Alice: Do I need a reason? Dilbert: we think she wasn't hugged enough.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 11, 2007's comic on:


Tags #unqualified crony, #quality control group, #value loyalty, #great leader, #extra disloyal

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: I hired an unqualified crony to run our quality control group. "I value loyalty over competence. That's the sign of a great leader." Dilbert: "Do you see any problem with that?" The Boss: "It makes you look extra disloyal?"