Sales People Comic Strips - Page 95

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"I don't like to judge people by their looks, but I'm going to make an exception for you." "Something tells me that you and I will be butting heads." "I have a degree in marketing." "Why aren't your lips moving?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #death & dying, #insurance, #luck, #sales, #life insurance

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Bob, the unluckiest insurance agent. Bob: You're making a good decision. Man: Gaaak!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #fire, #insurance, #luck, #sales

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Bob, the unluckiest insurance agent. Bob: Our hazard coverage is second to none! The Boss: Don't flee down the stairwell.The steps are made of asbestos.

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"We don't pay enough to attract qualified employees." "No problem. I'll hire unqualified people with good attitudes and train them." "Dilbert, when you get a second, train this guy." "Yay!"

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You have a bad case of chair buttocks. "You can still live a normal life." "Assuming it's normal for people to point and laugh at you."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dog senslved, #basement, #make running shoes, #eyes, #inexpensive, #footwear

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ELbonian: "Please help me. Your dog has enslaved my people in your basement and forced us to make running shoes!" Dilbert: "GAAA!!! MY EYES!!!" pssst "I like to help people, but I also like inexpensive footwear."

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"Yes, do that right away." "Do what?" "Can I ignore e-mail from people who don't include my original message in their reply?" "Yes, and you can hate them, too." "90% of happiness is picking the right ethicist."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #simulation, #productivity, #workforce, #pandemic

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The Boss: Run a simulation of our productivity if we lost half our workforce to a pandemic. Dilbert: "Should I assume we lose the productive people or the people who ask other people to run pandemic simulations?" The Boss: "Try both ways?" Dilbert: "Okay. I'm done."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #senior engineer, #lead engineer, #pay is same, #disrespect you, #magic

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The Boss: I'm promoting you from senior engineer to lead engineer. "The pay is the same but people will disrespect you less." Dilbert: "Including you?" The Boss: "It's not magic."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #sales call, #long distance, #how long?, #50 miles long, #don't know anyone

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The Boss' phone rings and he thinks to himself, "Again? That thing rang last week, too." A telephone company representative calls the Boss. "Hello. May I interest you in long distance phone service?" The Boss replies, "How long is it?" The telephone representative answers, "Umm...it's very long. Extremely long." The Boss replies in a demanding manner with one arm thrust in the air, "I need to know exactly how long it is!" The Boss continues to say, "If it's too short I'll have to shout the last mile! I hate that." The telephone respresentative replies, "Okay...it's fifty miles long." The Boss responds, "No, thanks. I don't know anyone fifty miles away."