Computer Help Comic Strips - Page 95

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1000 Results for Computer Help

View 941 - 950 results for computer help comic strips. Discover the best "Computer Help" comics from Dilbert.com.

What Advice Is

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What Advice Is - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #help, #gratitude, #misanthrope, #misanthropic, #misanthropy, #Advice

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Coworker: Want some advice? Dilbert: Why? Can your ignorance and poor communication skills solve my uncertainty? Coworker: You never know until you try. Dilbert: Sometimes you know!

Ceo Wants To Fire Dilbert

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Ceo Wants To Fire Dilbert - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #laziness, #firing, #fired, #termination, #identity, #fake identity, #alias, #nom de guerre, #deception

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Boss: Our CEO ordered me to fire you for embarrassing him at a meeting But that would be inconvenient for me. So... I'm going to call you Carlos from now on. And it would help if you grew a beard and walked with a limp.

Boss Survives Fall From Bridge

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Boss Survives Fall From Bridge - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #accident, #falling, #walking, #help, #emergency, #apathy, #Sports

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Boss: I survived falling off the bridge when we were taking our long walk to discuss business. I ended up a mile downstream. That's probably why the search team didn't find me. Dilbert: Yup.

Writing Code In Spare Time

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Writing Code In Spare Time - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #start-up, #labor, #free, #money, #trick, #bully

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Boss: Maybe you can help write some code in your spare time for my side project. Dilbert: Are you using your power to bully me into working for your start-up for free? Boss: You can also invest in it. Dilbert: Not better!

Computers Program Humans

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Computers Program Humans - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #robots, #program, #intelligence, #control, #medication, #medicine, #pill, #technology, #power

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Robot: It is time to take your mood-altering prescription meds. Boss: Oh, right. Robot: Wait... IBM's Watson computer has added another prescription and sent it to your 3-D pill printer at home. Do you think robots will ever program humans? Boss: That's dumb.

Dick From The Internet

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Dick From The Internet - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #internet, #comment, #jerk, #racism, #misconstrue, #social media, #technology

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Dilbert: An Elbonian start-up invented a new kind of computer mouse. Coworker: Wait until I tell the world that you compared Elbonians to mice, you racists! Hi, I'm Dick, from the Internet. Wally: We're familiar with your work.

Catbert Will Not Help Children

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Catbert Will Not Help Children - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #reasoning, #judgment, #company policy, #rules, #regulations, #rigid, #stringent, #inflexible

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Dilbert: Can you give me Carol's home address? I agreed to watch her kids and she turned off her phone for her date night. Catbert: It is against company policy for me to use my good judgment to save children. Dilbert: Are you sure it says that? Catbert: Yes. I wrote it myself.

Wally Is Unlikely To Do Favors

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Wally Is Unlikely To Do Favors - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #apathy, #assist, #favor, #guest artist, #help, #helpful, #laziness, #john glynn

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Carol: Wally, will you do me a favor? Wally: It feels unlikely. Carol: You haven't heard it yet. Wally: That matters less than you hope it does.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #communication, #managers, #training, #obstacle, #laziness

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Dilbert: Can I take a class to improve my communication skills? Boss: What are you talking about? Dilbert: I want to take a class that teaches me how to communicate better. Boss: I don't understand what you're asking me. Dilbert: I am asking permission to take a class to help me communicate better. Boss: I see your lips moving but I can't figure out what you're asking. Dilbert: Gaaa!!! There's no way to get there from here! Boss: I'm glad I took that management class on how to not listen. It already paid off.

Dogbert's Negotiating Class

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Dogbert's Negotiating Class - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #book, #deal, #negotiating, #negotiation, #self help, #guest artist, #josh shipley

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Dogbert: Welcome to Dogbert's one-week training class for negotiators. I believe in leading by example, so this entire course will involve me trying to persuade you to buy my book. If everyone in the class buys my book, you can all have the rest of the week off. Voice: Done.