New Body Double Comic Strips - Page 95

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #statue, #front entrance, #unlucky guy, #karl, #feed birds, #serving example

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The Boss addresses a meeting, "Our facilities management says the new statue by the front entrance isn't a statue." The Boss continues, "It's an unlucky guy named Karl who had been warned many times not to feed the birds." The Boss continues, "Then it talks about statistical clustering.. blah, blah, blah.. and serving an example."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #enjoy opportunity, #new paranoid employee, #not invied, #plotting, #peri noid, #perimeno

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Headline: Peri Noid. Dilbert, Alice, and Peri Noid are sitting. Alice says to Dilbert, "We'll have the data by Tuesday." Peri Noid asks, "How do you know that?" Peri Noid says, "You must be getting invited to meetings and then saying, 'Don't invite Peri.'" Alice turns to Dilbert and asks, "Would it be wrong to enjoy this opportunity?" Peri points her finger and exclaims, "Plotting!! Right there!!!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #mood swings, #deficit, #piece of dirt, #Family, #defect, #defected worker

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The Boss introduces a new co-worker to Dilbert, "Dilbert, this is Irene. I don't yet know what her defect is." Irene yells, "Stop being rude to me, you piece of dirt!!!" Irene hugs Dilbert and says, "We're like family now." The Boss says, "I'm thinking: mood swings."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #down to 40 cups, #won't survive, #lucky, #coffe rehab

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Catbert says to Wally, "Wally, I'm sending you to a coffee rehab program." Wally exclaims, "Gaaa!!!" Catbert says, "They'll get you down to forty cups a day." Wally exclaims, "Not double digits!!!" Wally is escorted out. He yells, "You monster!!! I won't survive!!!" Catbert says, "If you're lucky."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #revenue estimates, #research, #too late, #higher revenue, #stress, #flashlight, #eyes, #science

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The Boss pokes his head in to Dilbert's cubicle and says, "Double the revenue estimates and make sure the research supports it." Dilbert responds, "But.. but... it's too late! The research is done, and it won't support higher revenue!" Dilbert is sitting on a doctor's table, shivering. The doctor flashes a light on Dilbert's face and says, "Your stress is from a combination of drive-by- management and a flashlight in your eyes."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #extortion magazine, #more ad space, #week old spit, #half page ad

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Carol hands The Boss a magazine and says, "Our products got reviewed in the new issue of 'Extortion Magazine.'" The Boss reads, "If they had bought more ad space in this magazine, we would not compare their products to week-old spit." Carol says, "It's better than last month." The Boss responds, "I'll bet we can get to 'day-old' with another half-page ad."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #touch prototype, #get shock, #must touch, #zap, #second time

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Dilbert is wearing a lab coat and goggles; he's working on a new device. Dilbert says to The Boss, "Don't touch the prototype or you'll get a shock." The Boss thinks, "Must touch." The Boss is shocked into particles, "Zap!!" The Boss is burnt and torn up. Dilbert says, "Don't touch it a second time." The Boss thinks, "Must.. touch.. second.. time."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #a bad day, #a worse day, #a much worse day, #ne job online, #trying to fill, #unqaulified

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Headline: A Bad Day. Dilbert stands in front of his computer and says, "Maybe it's time to look for a new job online." Headline: A Worse Day. Dilbert sits at his computer and says, "Hey, that's my job they're trying to fill." Headline: A Much Worse Day. Dilbert sits in his cubicle and says, "And I'm unqualified."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #mandatory online training, #system crashed, #retake training

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"You're the only one who hasn't finished the mandatory online six sigma training." "I finished it, but the system crashed before it stored my data." "This is when you say, 'There's no need to retake the training. I'll just check off your name.'" "Are you new on this planet?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #billion dollar product line, #designed and launched, #meets expectations, #high expectations, #worng

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"Alice, this year you single-handedly designed and launched a billion dollar line of new products." "For that accomplishment, I give you the highly coveted 'meets expectations' designation!" "Alice, if having high expectations of you is wrong, then I don't want to be right."