Search Results for "life in one package"
Share December 21, 1997's comic on:
Wally sticks his head into the boss' office. Wally says, "I'm back from training." Wally says, "I got a big binder." Wally holds out a big book. Wally says, "The training is already forgotten but the binder will last forever." Wally brings the binder to his chest. Wally says, "A living monument to temporary knowledge!" Wally says, "I'll put it in my cubicle with the others." Wally says, "Speaking of my cubicle, which direction is it?" The Boss points. Wally says, "Okay, thanks. That information should be in a binder." Dilbert says, "Did he approve funding for our project?" Wally says, "Not yet. Step one was to free up funds from the training budget."
Share January 18, 1998's comic on:
Dogbert stands on the kitchen table with a piece of paper in one hand and a pencil in the other. Dilbert sits, dressed in a robe eating breakfast. Dogbert says, "Here's my bill." Dogbert explains, "It's for all the time we've spent together when I didn't enjoy it." Dilbert reads the piece of paper. Dogbert says, "If it wasn't fun, it must have been work." Dilbert explains, "Dogbert, let me explain what friendship is all about." Dilbert says, "Friendship is about giving freely of oneself. It's about trust and sharing." Dilbert hands the bill back to Dogbert. Dillbert says, "Now, I expect you'll want this back." Dogbert responds, "Yes." Dogbert examines the bill. Dogbert says, "I need to round it up to the next hour." Dogbert hands the bill to Dilbert. Dogbert says, "No checks. You have the face of a deadbeat." Dilbert's shoulders slump. Dilbert sighs, "I don't think that I'm reaching you."
Share February 08, 1998's comic on:
Dogbert walks into The Boss's office with a piece of paper. Dogbert says, "I've been hired by an employee who just resigned." Dogbert explains, "I'll be his stand-in for the exit interview." Dogbert stands on The Boss's desk. Dogbert says, "I'dl ike to begin by discussing your senseless slaughter of the english language." Dogbert reads from the paper, "....And on April 8, you were heard saying, "We have to nip that problem in the butt." Dogbert says, "Now lets talk about your stellar leadership." Dogbert reads, "Your inspirational motto is....." Dogbert shakes his fist and yells "If I want you to do something that's a waste of time, it's my perogative!" Dilbert reads, "Moving on to hygiene..." The Boss muses, " I am probaly one of those misunderstood geniuses."
Share February 15, 1998's comic on:
Wally stick his head into The Boss's office he is holding a piece of paper. Wally says, "I finished the technical recommendation you requested." Wally gives the report to The Boss. Wally says, "At first I was miffed that you told me what recommendation you wanted." Wally explains, "It made me feel useless and weak." The Boss reads the recommendation. Wally says, "But rather than dwell on my powerlessness." Wally raises his arm, enpowered. Wally says, "I decided to find joy in the one decision that I CAN make." Wally says, "I chose a Helvetica type font. And I never looked back." The Boss says, "Oh, that's what's wrong with it." The Boss thinks, "I coach and I coach, but they still walk out of here all rubber-legged."
Share April 05, 1998's comic on:
A presenter says, ".. Now let's look at our year-to-date variance in depreciation." Alice notices a sleeping co-worker on one side and thinks, "Only five minutes left of our four hour meeting." There is another sleeping co-worker on her other side. Alice thinks, "Uf he keeps droning, there won't be any time for my presentation." Alice thinks, "I spent a whole week preparing my presentation." Alice realizes, "Everyone else is already asleep." Alice plans, "My only hope is to stun the presenter with a stale donut." Presenter points to a chart and says, "As you can see, there's nothing to report." A donut heads for the back of the presenter's head." Alice thinks, "I wasted a donut." Everyone around her is sleeping.
Share May 24, 1998's comic on:
An employee comes into the Boss' office with a man and says, "I'd like you to meet our newest customer." The Boss says, "You won't be sorry; we're one of the top five companies in this field." The customer turns to the employee and says, "I thought you said no one else makes this kind of product." The Boss interjects, "No one else makes one with so few features." The employee grimaces as the customer asks, "So...your strategy is low price, right?" The Boss replies, "No, high margins!" The customer grabs the employee by the collar and begins to choke him, screaming, "YOU!!" The employee's feet are propped up on the Boss' desk as the Boss thinks to himself, "I'd better ask someone what a 'margin' is."
Share May 31, 1998's comic on:
Dilbert stands at a pharmacy with two cashiers, each helping a customer. He thinks, "Is this one line, or two?" Dilbert positions himself in the center and thinks, "I'll hedge my bets by standing in the center." A man approaches and Dilbert thinks, "This guy is confused too." The man stands next to Dilbert and Dilbert begins to sweat. He thinks, "Get behind me...get behind me...get behind me...get behind me..." The man smiles and Dilbert thinks "Oh no! He's forming a new line behind the fast cashier! #$@^%#!" The man turns his head and Dilbert jumps in front of him. He thinks, "He's distracted! I take the angle! I win!" The cashier looks at his prescription and says, "Stress medications are the other line."
Share January 15, 1999's comic on:
Caption: "Venture capitalists" Two venture capitalists sit at a conference table. One of the venture capitalists says, "Despite your cool ponytail, you seem to have squandered our investment." One of the venture capitalists says, "You'll get nor more funding unless you mutter empty internet words that make us swoon!" Wally says, "E-commerce." Both venture capitalists fall out of their chairs,
Share January 25, 1999's comic on:
Dilbert stands at Carol's desk. Dilbert says, "....And one box of those big binder clips...." Carol's phone rings. Carol screams into the phone, "Timmy, unite the neighbors and do your homework." Dilbert says, "Maybe I'll come back later." Carol says, "Do NOT light that gasoline!!"
Share January 27, 1999's comic on:
Ratbert says, to Bob the dinosaur, "Bob, have you ever noticed that the people with the most experience are the ones who die?" Bob says, "No." Ratbert says, "My plan is to spend the rest of my life in an old coffee can, experiencing nothing. Hence, immortality." Dilber says, to Ratber who sits in a coffee can, "How was your first week of immortality?" Ratbert says, "So far, it's overrated."