One Billion Comic Strips - Page 96
1000 Results for One Billion
View 951 - 960 results for one billion comic strips. Discover the best "One Billion" comics from Dilbert.com.
Share December 05, 2001's comic on:
Dogbert stands on The Boss' desk. Dogbert says, "I can teach you to manage your time more efficiently." Dogbert continues, "Put all of your high priorities on one list and your low priorities on another." Dogbert finishes, "Then do everything on both lists even if it kills you. Otherwise you're a freakin' loser."
Share November 29, 2001's comic on:
Headline: Congressional Hearings. A grim panel sits in front of microphones. One man says, "Your airline is accused of providing inhumane service. How do you respond?" Dogbert replies, "Sometimes I wag and sometimes I hold up my paw and say, 'Bah!'" Ratbert adds, "Bah!" Dogbert turns to the rat and says, "You're not allowed to say Bah. Take it back." Ratbert says quietly, "Hab."
Share November 25, 2001's comic on:
The Boss says, "I'm happy to announce that we're being acquired by a foreign company." The Boss continues, "Don't worry that they'll dominate us. This will be a merger of equals." He points to a sign that reads, "Merger of Equals." The Boss continues, "Except that they make money and we don't." The Boss continues, "And their CEO will lead the combined company." Dilbert, Wally, and Alice sit at the conference table. The Boss' voice continues, "And every one of them is a giant." The Boss continues, "And they've developed their latent psychic abilities so they can cause pain from a distance." The Boss grabs his head in pain and exclaims, "Gaaa!! I'm sorry I said too much! You are my master!!" Dilbert turns to Wally and asks, "Are you worried?" Wally replies, "Nah. If they read my mind, they'll all go blind."
Share November 24, 2001's comic on:
Headline: In Elbonia. Dilbert says to the Elbonians, "I'm authorized give each of you one dollar of severance pay." The Elbonians exclaim, "We're rich!!!" Dilbert asks, "How much were we paying you?" An Elbonian replies, "Nothing. We were entirely motivated by slogans."
Share November 22, 2001's comic on:
Headline: In Elbonia. Two Elbonians point to a diagram. One says to Dilbert, "Our business plan was to sell mud to people who live in mud." The Elbonian continues, "Later we shrewdly expanded our offerings to include pet grooming and lingerie." The diagram is now a picture of lingerie. The Elbonian continues, "Frankly, I blame our ad agency for what happened next." He holds up a picture of a pig in lingerie.
Share November 21, 2001's comic on:
Headline: In Elbonia. Dilbert is wading through water towards Elbonians. Dilbert says, "Can anyone tell me why your mud delivery business is failing? Anyone?" One Elbonian raises his hand and says, "Is it because of the general economic slow down?" Another adds, "Dot-com meltdown?" Dilbert says, "And maybe because you sell mud to people who live in mud?" An Elbonian replies, "What if we call it fudge?"
Share November 17, 2001's comic on:
Asok asks The Boss, "May I have a day off to move my home?" The Boss says, "One hour." Asok replies, "What? Why only one hour?" The Boss says, "I like to negotiate." Asok says, "I guess I can try doing it in one hour." The Boss adds, "And you can't use a vehicle."
Share November 05, 2001's comic on:
Dilbert says to a coworker, "We should add this feature to our product to make it more useful." The coworker responds, "Are you telling me that not ONE person on Earth will use our product without that feature?!!? Dilbert says, "You changed what I said into a bizarre absolute." The coworker exclaims, "Oh, I change everything you say?!"
Share October 24, 2001's comic on:
Headline: Accounting Trolls. One troll encourages the other, "Go ahead, Larry spit on his data." Larry lunges forward and spits, "PTOO!!" Dilbert is covered in spit. A troll says to him, "Can I give you a little tour of our department?"
Share October 23, 2001's comic on:
Headline: Accounting Trolls. Dilbert hands the trolls a piece of paper and says, "I need an explanation for these numbers." A troll responds, "This is budget season so I will spit on your data and send you away." Dilbert says, "That doesn't sound too bad." While one troll accumulates his spit, the other replies, "Our bodies are 95% made of spit."