Bad Job Market Comic Strips - Page 96

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for Bad Job Market

View 951 - 960 results for bad job market comic strips. Discover the best "Bad Job Market" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #evil hr director, #hire, #job interview, #urine sample, #social secuirty, #past emplyers, #past lovers, #despicable

View Transcript

Transcript

Headline: Evil H.R. Director. Catbert says to an interviewee, "I need to check a few things before we hire you." Catbert continues, "Give me blood, hair and urine samples, fingerprints, social- security number, past employers, and past lovers." The Boss and Catbert are meeting. The Boss is looking over the interviewee's records. The Boss asks, "Before we started doing all of this checking, did you know that everyone in the world was despicable?" Catbert replies, "Yes."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #downsized, #good news, #half huge raises, #same people, #ran numbers

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss addresses a meeting, "The good news is that half of you will get huge raises." The Boss continues, "The bad news is that half of you will be downsized tomorrow." Dilbert turns and says, "Is it the same people?" The Boss replies, "Yeah, we ran the numbers."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #toxic tom, #new coworker, #potatoe, #too many questions

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss introduces a new employee to Dilbert, "Dilbert, meet your new co- worker, Toxic Tom." The Boss continues, "He complained about his last job all through his interview. But he'll be happy here." Once The Boss is gone, Toxic Tom says to Dilbert, "He says he thinks you're stupid because you ask too many questions."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ceo, #secretary for a day, #deeply offended, #trivial, #train

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss reads a memo, "The department that cuts costs the most will get our CEO as its secretary for a day." Carol says, "I'm deeply offended by the implication that my job is so trivial that it can used as a prize." The Boss replies, "Maybe you can train him to phone your kids and yell at them." Carol exclaims, "Not funny!!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #walk into ambushes, #trap you, #helpful, #body double, #new body double

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok is wearing a mask and pointy-haired hat. The Boss says, "Asok, as my new body double, your job is to walk into ambushes." The Boss continues, "If someone tries to trap you into being helpful, do what I would do." Asok asks, "What would you do?" The Boss replies, "I'd get a body double."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #elbonian, #ad reputation, #our image, #leprechauns, #mud, #export, #primary export, #vegetarian backlash

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert is meeting with an Elbonian. The Elbonian says, "Elbonia has gotten a bad reputation. We need your help to rebuild our image." The Elbonian continues, "The problem began when we discovered a civilization of leprechauns living under our mud." The Elbonian continues, "Now they're our primary export. But we underestimated the vegetarian backlash."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #exporting leprechaun meat, #cameras, #elbonians, #no excuse

View Transcript

Transcript

Headline: P.R. for Elbonia. Dogbert is standing on a table. He addresses two Elbonians, "The media give you a bad rap for exporting leprechaun meat." Dogbert continues, "Our ad campaign will feature a leprechaun explaining that they enjoy being eaten." Ratbert is dressed up like a leprechaun in front of cameras. He is standing in a frying pan and holding a meat tenderizer. He says, "Elbonians are our best friends. Now excuse me while I tenderize myself."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #summarize for ceo, #obliterate persuasiveness, #being wordy

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss hands Dilbert a stack of papers and says, "Can you summarize this on one page for our CEO?" Dilbert responds, "Yes, but it will obliterate the persuasiveness of the document and cost us billions in lost opportunity." The Boss responds, "I see your point, but being wordy is bad, too."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #switch to decaf, #secretly, #office, #employees sleeping, #sleep on job

View Transcript

Transcript

Carol is sitting on a doctor's examination table. The doctor says, "Switch to decaf for a while. That should help." Back at the office, Alice holds bag of coffee in her hands and thinks, "I'll replace all the office coffee with decaf for my convenience." In the hallway, The Boss, Alice, and Dilbert are all asleep on the floor. Wally is slumped down; he thinks, "Must...find... antidote."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #employee of year, #awrd, #better luck, #next year, #jealousy, #unattractive

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss stands at a podium and says, "The 'Employee of the Year' Award goes to.. no one." The Boss' voice continues, "Thanks for coming. Better luck next year." Dilbert and Wally are walking out. Dilbert says, "It's not as bad as the time that you won it." Wally responds, "Jealousy is unattractive."