Job Skills Comic Strips - Page 96

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for Job Skills

View 951 - 960 results for job skills comic strips. Discover the best "Job Skills" comics from Dilbert.com.

Move To Cubicles Is Complete

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Move To Cubicles Is Complete - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #office workers, #office, #cubicle, #depression, #psychology

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: We're done moving the staff from the open office plan back to cubicles. Now they will be less distracted when they focus on the crushing futility of their assignments. Boss: Good job. Dilbert: If you need me, I'll be in my fabric-covered box.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss, #leadership, #power, #influence

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Why isn't your project done? Dilbert: I can't make the people on my team do any work because I'm not their boss. Boss: Sure you can. It's called leadership. I do it all the time. Dilbert: All you do is threaten to fire people. I can't do that because I"m not their boss. Boss: That's why you have to use your soft leadership skills A good leader can get people to do anything. Dilbert: Then why couldn't you get me to finish my project on time? And why do you pay me? You could just lead me to work for free. Boss: Shut up or I'll fire you.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #human resources, #certification, #listening, #corporations, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: Evil Director Of Human Resources. Catbert: Don't bother me. I'm studying for a human resources certification. I already have my certifications for sadism and maniacal laughing. And, obviously, I have the basic HR certification for recreational downsizing. If you don't have that one, you can't even get a job in HR. But I need one more certification to make the big bucks. Now run along while I practice my joyless scowling. Dilbert: You talk a lot about yourself. Catbert: I prefer to think of myself as a non-listener.

Dogbert Is A Good Listener

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dogbert Is A Good Listener - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #listening, #ignoring, #earbuds, #headphones

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Thanks for listening to me vent about my job. You weren't always a good listener, but apparently you matured. Dogbert: The quality of my life has improved a lot since I got wireless earbuds.

Robot Is Too Smart

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Robot Is Too Smart - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #robot, #automation, #power, #managers, #intelligence, #ai, #artificial intelligence

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Our new robot is too smart. It keeps threatening humans into doing its job while it does nothing but drink coffee. CEO: Isn't that all you do? Boss: I don't like where this is heading.

Emptiness And Pain

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Emptiness And Pain - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #pain, #emptiness, #soul, #work ethic, #motivation

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: This is Randy, our new employee who has no soul. Tina: Wow. What's it like to have no soul? Randy: I feel only emptiness and pain. Tina: I hope you didn't take this job to get away from emptiness and pain. Randy: No, I just wanted to get paid for it.

A Wally Robot

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
A Wally Robot  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #robot, #modernity, #technology, #automation, #coffee

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: Do you worry that a robot will someday take your job? Wally: Nah. No one will build a robot that does nothing but drink coffee. Man: It does nothing but drink coffee. It can replace twenty percent of your workforce. Boss: I like it.

Helping The Boss Be Successful

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Helping The Boss Be Successful - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #helpfulness, #niceness, #kindness

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: How can I help you achieve your goals and be more successful? Boss: You could stop talking all creepy and weird. Asok: I thought I was being helpful. Boss: Go hate your job like everyone else.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #prognosticate, #prediction, #projection, #budget, #blame

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Are your financial projections available? Dilbert: Yes, because I can see into the future. Boss: No one can see into the future. Dilbert: Then why did you ask me if I can do it? Boss: It's your job to predict the outcome of your project. Dilbert: Why would you ask me to do something that no one can do? Boss: I don't need you to be accurate. I only need someone to blame when we go over budget. Dilbert: I saw that coming. Boss: No one like a braggart.

Being Ineffective

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Being Ineffective  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #negotiating, #haggle, #training, #conference, #skills

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Why are we paying so much for this software? Dilbert: Because you didn't let me take a class on negotiating like I asked. Boss: Are you using this as leverage to get approval for the class? Dilbert: No, I'm just being ineffective. Does it look the same?