Abuse People Comic Strips - Page 96

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #embarras myself, #emotional meltdown, #panicked, #public speaking, #substance abuse, #worry

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Dilbert: I'm panicked about my presentation tomorrow. Wally: Relax. What's the worst that could happen? Dilbert: Well, I could embarrass myself in a career-ending way. Wally: Oh. I didn't think about that one. It might be so bad that you can't even get a recommendation for a future job. Then you'd have an emotional meltdown followed by substance abuse, untreated health issues, and a lonely death. And it could all happen because of something as trivial as a typo on one of your slides. I guess I can add "comforting" to my list of things I'm no good at.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #employees, #progress, #policy, #promote from within, #better plans, #business

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Boss: Our policy is to promote from within. Dilbert: How will you backfill the jobs of the people you promoted? Boss: From within. Dilbert: That's one of your better plans.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #10 thousand hours, #genetic makeup, #laziness, #million hours, #become an expert

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Alice: People used to think it took 10,000 hours of practice to become an expert. But now people think the amount of practice you need depends on your genetic makeup. So you'd be good to go after a million or so hours. Wally: See why I don't bother?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #complaining, #conversation, #dumb people, #ignorance (knowledge), #project taking long

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Boss: Why is your project taking longer than expected? Dilbert: It's only taking longer than dumb people expected. Boss: Still, that's a lot of people. Dilbert: What can I say to make this conversation end?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #burglars & robbers, #deception, #discrimination, #defective ones, #ski mask, #reading people

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Dilbert: Do you know who keeps raking my good cables and replacing them with defective ones? Alice: Certainly not me. But I did see an Elbonian wearing a hoodie near your bench. Dilbert: I'm not good at reading people. Alice: I'm counting on that.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #complaining, #happiness, #tasks, #people, #commute, #paid less, #nothing about job, #psychology

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Dilbert: I like my job. But I don't like any of the tasks... or any of the people... I don't like the commute... and I'm paid less than I'm worth... and I'm not making the world a better place. Dogbert: Are you sure you like your job? Dilbert: Why do you ask?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #illness, #laziness, #sitting disease, #sit all day, #bad health, #safety more eimportant, #drink coffee instead

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Wally: I've got a bad case of something the experts call "sitting disease." Studies show that people who sit all day for their jobs have 40% greater chance of dying in the next three years. Company policy says safety is more important than productivity, right? Boss: Um... sort of. Wally: So instead of sitting at my desk working, I plan to walk around and drink coffee. For safety reasons. Boss: GO sit at your desk or you're fired. There's a good chance this problem will resolve itself within three years.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cruelty, #negotiating, #flexible, #loser, #good sport, #good loser

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Alice: Thanks for being flexible in these negotiations. You're a good sport. And by good sport, I mean good loser. ANd by good loser, I mean loser. Man: Some people call it generous.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #obliviousness, #great leader, #hires good people, #no budget, #micromanaging, #half wits, #afford, #business

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Boss: A great leader hires good people and gives them the freedom to do their jobs. But I don't have the budget to hire good people, so I settle for micromanaging the half-wits I can afford. Catbert: Your boss was just in here saying the same thing.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #complaining, #cruelty, #thinking, #thought diversity, #meeting, #fad, #business

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Boss: I'm looking for thought diversity in my hiring. That's a thing now. Alice: Really? That's a dumb thing. All you end up with is a bunch of people who can't agree. How do you like thought diversity now? Dilbert: That fad didn't last long.