Coffee With Boss Comic Strips - Page 96

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Catbert, #hr director, #new org chart, #so close, #too bad, #play before firing, #downsized

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Catbert stands on a cubicle wall waving a document. Catbert says to Alice, "Here's the new org chart. Maybe you're on it and maybe not." Alice jumps up and tries to reach the sheet as Catbert holds it out of reach. Catbert taunts, "Ooh! Nice try! So close. Too bad." Catbert ties the chart to a string and dangles it into the cubicles. Wally and Alice lunge for it. Catbert says, "It's fun to play with them before downsizing them."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #new org chart, #changed mind, #sore but free

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Catbert stands on a cubicle wall, dangling a chart by a string. Catbert says, "Come see the new org chart." Wally and Alice run toward the chart with out-streched arms. Catbert yanks the chart out of reach and says, "Oops, changed my mind!" Wally and Alice collide, producing the noise, "Wham!" Wally and Alice walk away from the collision looking dazed and wearing each other's clothes. Alice says, "Ouchie." Wally says, "I'm sore, but I've never felt so free."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #sell comapny, #very discriminating, #hate people, #laws to protect, #lazy but funny

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Dogbert stands on a desk and addresses Wally, Dilbert and the Boss. Dogbert says, "I've decided to sell the company for a huge profit. I found some very discriminating buyers." Wally asks Dogbert, "When you say discriminating, you mean . . . ?" Dogbert answers, "They hate people from this country." Wally says to Dilbert, "It's okay. We have laws to protect us." One Elbonian says to the other, "They're lazy, but at least they're funny!" The other laughs, "Hee hee." The Boss looks shocked.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #elbonians, #afford, #just mud, #couch shopping network, #manage resources, #sold country, #little jars, #molten lava, #earths core

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Dilbert sits in his cubicle. He asks Dogbert, "How could the Elbonians afford to buy this company? Their whole country is just mud." Dogbert imagines a television screen showing an Elbonian holding a container with the figure "$119.95" above him. Dogbert answers, "They packaged the mud and sold it as a cosmetic on the 'Couch Shopping Network.' They made trillions." Hugging his knees to his chest, Dilbert comments, "At least they know how to manage resources." Dogbert replies, "They sold their entire country in little jars. Most Elbonians perished in molten lava at the Earth's core."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #elbonians, #run comapony, #only female engineer, #watch discrimination, #coffee wenches

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Dilbert, Wally and Alice stand outside a conference room holding folders. Alice says, "In a way, I'm glad the Elbonians run this company now." As they take their seats at the conference table, Alice smiles and says, "After years of being the only female engineer I'll enjoy watching the Elbonians discriminate against you guys." The Elbonian sitting next to Alice hands her a mug and says, "I didn't realize you had coffee wenches in this country too." Alice looks furious. Wally says to the Elbonian, "I hope you don't want children, Yorgi." A caption reads, "Continued . . ."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #fetch coffee, #surprise you, #kicked into hat, #alice, #elbonian, #sexist, #coffee wench

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Alice, Dilbert, Wally and an Elbonian sit around a conference table. The Elbonian hands a coffee cup to Alice who says, "In this country we have a custom when men ask women to fetch coffee." Alice continues, "Stand up . . . That's it . . . Now this will really surprise you." Dilbert and Wally cover their eyes and Wally says, "Oh God." A hat with feet sticking out of it sits on the chair where the Elbonian was sitting. Wally says, "I've never seen anybody get kicked into his hat before." Dilbert says, "That's gotta hurt."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #elbonian owner, #competetor, #motto, #beat em join em, #humiliate, #not catchy

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The Boss stands outside a row of cubicles. Wally peeks out of his cubicle and Dilbert stands in the door of his cubicle. The Boss says to Dilbert, "Our Elbonian owners sold the company to our biggest competitor." The Boss continues, "Our motto is 'If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.'" Dilbert says, "I wonder what THEIR motto is." The Boss says, "Their motto is 'After you beat 'em, humiliate 'em.'" Dilbert says, "It's not very catchy."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bad mouthing, #last guy, #slimy, #brain, #files, #fleas skull, #alice, #Wally

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Dilbert, Alice and Wally sit at a conference table. Alice says, "I'd like to kick-off the project with the traditional bad-mouthing of the guy who worked on this before." Alice yells, "He's so slimy that slugs pour salt on HIM. His brain would rattle in a flea's skull!" Alice turns to Wally and says, "Oh, and I'll need your files." Wally answers angrily, "Fleas don't have 'skulls!!'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #write objectives, #sculpt disparate pieces, #elegant tapestry, #business plan, #clay tapestry, #quote boss, #clueless

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The Boss, Wally, Alice and Dilbert sit around a conference table. The Boss says, "Each of you will write your objectives and give them to me." The Boss continues, "Then I will sculpt these disparate pieces of clay into an elegant tapestry which will be our business plan." Alice asks, "Our business plan will be like a clay tapestry?" The Boss says, "Feel free to quote me."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #advertisingmaterials, #technical accuracy, #supposed to be funny, #technical help, #look up something, #dictionary, #engineers, #not comedians, #tech help, #picked colors

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The Boss tells Wally and Dilbert, "I'd like you guys to check Anne's advertising materials for technical accuracy." Wally, Dilbert and Anne sit at a conference table. Wally reads the ad copy and asks, "Is this supposed to be funny?" Dilbert says, "I don't get it." Anne says, "I'm only looking for technical help here." Wally says, "Hey! Maybe you could say something about those warning tags on mattresses! Now THAT would be funny!" Anne covers her eyes and leans on the table. Dilbert says, "Or how about the fact that you can't look up something in the dictionary if you can't spell it? THAT's funny!" Anne stands up and screams, "You're engineers, not comedians!! I want TECHNICAL help!!!" Wally says, "This guy has an XP-6. It should be an XP-7." Anne says, "That's better." Wally adds, "And he should be saying, 'I've fallen and I can't get up.'" Dilbert asks, "Who picked these colors?"