Feeble Minded People Comic Strips - Page 96

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for Feeble Minded People

View 951 - 960 results for feeble minded people comic strips. Discover the best "Feeble Minded People" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #frustration, #ignorance (knowledge), #project team, #forrest fire, #dropping baby, #analogy, #available people, #stop progress

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Alice, I'm adding Jeff to your project team. Alice: That's like trying to put out a forest fire by dropping a baby on it. Boss: I'm available to help, too. Alice: Okay, your job is to keep Jeff from doing anything.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #management jargon, #engage employees, #follow from front, #anything, #tell people, #fake caring situation, #fake passion, #uncle died, #combine both

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: What's the newest management jargon I need to pretend you understand? Catbert: Experts say you should engage employees and follow from the front. Boss: Does that mean anything? Catbert: No one know. Just to be safe, you should tell people you're doing it. Boss: Should I act as if I'm passionate, or is this more of a fake caring situation? Catbert: Beats me. Try combining the two. Boss: Fake passion plus fake caring. Asok: My uncle died. Boss: Woot!!! What was his name?!

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #competition (psychology), #wages, #big data, #top perfromers, #higher pay, #average performance, #average people say, #money

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: Our big data analysis tells us that only the top performers leave for higher pay. Since you're still here, it means your performance is average at best. Dilbert: That's not fair! Catbert: That's what all the average people say.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #engineers, #managers & supervisors, #questioning, #jeff bezos rule, #rule of meetings, #two pizzas, #feed a meeting, #eat two pizzas, #zeros paradox, #feed everyone, #cheese bread, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: We're going to use the Jeff Bezos rule of meetings. Bezos says you should never have a meeting that is so big you can't feed everyone with two pizzas. Wally: I can eat two pizzas by myself. Alice: How do you count the people who have gluten sensitivity and don't eat pizza? Dilbert: If I apply Zeno's Paradox to the slice size, can I have infinite attendees? Wally: And what does it mean to "feed" everyone? Do they need to be totally full? Boss: Stop being engineers! Wally: How does cheese bread fit into this?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #anger, #competition (psychology), #employees, #difficult coworkers, #methods against me, #need to know, #counter neasures, #learn tricks, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: Can I sign up for a workshop on how to deal with difficult co-workers? People will be using those methods against me, and I need to know how to thwart their countermeasures. Boss: Will you leave my office if I say yes? Alice: Where did you learn that trick?!!

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #sleeping & waking up, #get up at 4am, #successful people do, #power nap, #sound sbetter, #than looks, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I got up at 4 a.m. because I heard it's what successful people do. Power nap! Wally: This sort of thing always sounds better than it looks.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business people, #managers & supervisors, #holacarcy, #underlings, #abusing for years, #boot on neck, #resistance to changes, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: I'm eliminating all management levels and making us a holacracy. Boss: Noooo!!! Please don't make me equal to the underlings I've been abusing for years! In my defense, I thought I would always have my boot on your neck. Dilbert: Shush.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #competition (psychology), #pride, #a-b testing, #traffic to site, #most effective search terms, #wingless skunk, #junkyard sbnack, #planned injury, #topper

View Transcript

Transcript

Coworker: I did A-B testing and found the search terms that bring the most people to our site. The most effective search terms are "wingless skunk," "junkyard snack," and "planned injury." Topper: Well, duh! You could have just asked me. Topper

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #anger, #reports, #cycnical, #accurate worldview, #upset people, #angry guy, #confident in worldview

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I'm getting reports that you're being cynical. Dilbert: It's called an accurate worldview. You should try it sometime. Boss: If it's accurate, why are people upset? Dilbert: Said the angry guy to the one who isn't.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #employees, #work ethic, #managers should hire, #clear expectations, #micromanaging, #employee engement, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Experts say managers should hire great people and set clear expectations. They don't say what to do when you get the first part wrong, but I'm leaning toward micromanaging. Alice: My employee engagement just went down. Boss: That was never a real thing.