Ill User Comic Strips - Page 96

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for Ill User

View 951 - 960 results for ill user comic strips. Discover the best "Ill User" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert the Lobbyist "For a million dollars I can have the government include your industrial waste in the recommended food pyramid." "For another million I'll have Congress authorize huge tax breaks for soulless, Blackberry-using weasels with coffee breath." "I just want to hug you!" "That's another million."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

View Transcript

Transcript

"Wally, you've agreed to pull together all of the technical specifications by Thursday, right?" "Yes, I'll look into pulling that stuff together." "I don't need you to 'look into it.' I need you to do it." "I agree." "Are you agreeing that I need it or agreeing to do it?" "You will have the list of who has the technical specifications by Thursday." "I don't need the list of who has them. I need the specifications!" "I agree." "GAAA!!! Forget it! I'll get them myself!" "Did you help Bob get what he needs?" "He'll have everything by Thursday."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

View Transcript

Transcript

"Did you fund the infrastructure project yet?" "Nope." "I'm playing budget chicken with the director of operations." "I'm hoping that his department needs the infrastructure more than we do." "If I can bluff him into funding the project with his budget instead of mine, I win." "He'll be reprimanded for exceeding his budget and I'll get a bonus for being under mine." "I'll use the bonus to buy a summer cabin by the lake." "Then I'll e-mail him pictures of my cabin and say, 'I hope you're enjoying your infrastructure as much as I'm enjoying my cabin!'" "You've reached a new low." "I've been thinking of firing you so I can get a fishing hat."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

View Transcript

Transcript

Maybe I'll quit this job and sell things on eBay. "What things?" "Items." "People like items." "Good plan."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

View Transcript

Transcript

"You exceeded all of your goals this year." "But I can't give you much of a raise because you didn't have the appearance of success." "Um...what?" "I have to justify to management all large raises, and they don't know that you exist." "Who do they think accomplished all of my goals?" "I'll make it up to you next year." push "Who was that?" "Some vendor."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

View Transcript

Transcript

"I cannot decide if you are very wise or just a big stupid moron." "Well, I'll tell you, little cowpoke, when the snake falls in love with the spaghetti, it's time to buy a new hat." "You look more flustered than a barefoot squirrel at a tire store." "Gaaa!!! They almost make sense!!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

View Transcript

Transcript

"I need you to drop whatever you're doing and work all night to make this change to your system." "If you refuse to do my bidding, here's the rumor I will spread about you." "Ha! I'll say I was only scratching an itch." "Good luck with that."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

View Transcript

Transcript

I stayed up all night working on Mindy's software because she threatened me if I didn't. "Really? Threats make you work all night?" "Um...No?" "Work on this all night or I'll punch you."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

View Transcript

Transcript

"I worry that all of my wisdom is derived from bad analogies." "Ratbert, sometimes a good wine has to age before it is perfect." "So...I'll get smarter over time?" "To the extent that you are like a grape."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

View Transcript

Transcript

"I want to debate with people on the Internet but I worry that I'm not smart enough." "Maybe I'll just read what the smart people are saying." "Okay, I'm in."