One Week Chart Comic Strips - Page 96

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View 951 - 960 results for one week chart comic strips. Discover the best "One Week Chart" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 23, 2003's comic on:


Tags #value of merger, #large number, #marketing department, #frooglepoopillion

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The Boss addresses a meeting, "The company will be taking a one-time charge to write down the value of our merger." The Boss continues, "The number is so large that it has no name. Our marketing department is on it." A co-worker raises his hand and says, "Let's see a show of hands for 'Frooglepoopillion.'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 28, 2003's comic on:


Tags #fooglepoopillion, #embarrased, #tell the truth, #best policy, #honesty, #what you say

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Dilbert is at home. He says to Dogbert, "My company lost a frooglepoopillion dollars. I'm embarrassed to tell people where I work." Dogbert responds, "Never be afraid to tell the truth about yourself." Dilbert asks, "Because honesty is the best policy?" Dogbert replies, "Because no one pays any attention to what you say."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 09, 2003's comic on:


Tags #new corporate code, #report immediately, #señor management, #ship prodcuts, #defective, #take care, #lying, #report you

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The Boss addresses a meeting, "If you see anyone violating the new corporate code of ethics, report it immediately." Dilbert raises his hand and says, "I'd like to report our senior management for telling us to ship products that we know are defective." The Boss responds, "Yes, I will take care of that." Dilbert waves one hand, points his finger at The Boss with the other, and says, "Oooh! Oooh! Lying!!! I report you!!!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 17, 2003's comic on:


Tags #engineers, #said to reporter, #technology is purtrid, #compensate, #ignore complaints, #witch hunt

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The Boss is holding a newspaper and looks panicked. He says to Catbert, "Look what one of our engineers said to a reporter!" Catbert reads, "Our technology is putrid, but we compensate by ignoring complaints." The Boss asks Catbert, "You know what would be more fun than fixing those problems?" Catbert exclaims, "Witch-hunt!!!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 21, 2003's comic on:


Tags #psychics on televison, #software testing staff, #one medium, #punish them

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"I've noticed that deadd people know a lot. They're always yapping to psychics on television." "We could kill the entire software-testing staff and replace them with one medium." "Do you see any problem with that?" "If the dead people lie, how would we punish them?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 22, 2003's comic on:


Tags #mandatory online training, #system crashed, #retake training

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"You're the only one who hasn't finished the mandatory online six sigma training." "I finished it, but the system crashed before it stored my data." "This is when you say, 'There's no need to retake the training. I'll just check off your name.'" "Are you new on this planet?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 24, 2003's comic on:


Tags #unfunded man date, #my delivery, #no one laughs, #unemployed guy

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Tina: I went to a movie with an unemployed guy. I call that an unfunded man date. The unemployed guy didn't laugh either, Maybe its my delivery,

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 27, 2003's comic on:


Tags #surplussed ted, #absorb function, #2 jobs one salary, #absorb his funtion, #osmosis, #symbiosis, #syneregy, #key learning, #tragic series, #monkey brained

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"I surplussed Ted. You'll need to absorb his function." "Absorb his function?" "Are you telling me to do two jobs for one salary?" "No, I'm telling you to absorb his function.. in an absorptive fashion." "..Using osmosis, symbiosis, and synergy." "Can you change reality by inventing new names for ordinary things?" "I sure hope so. Otherwise my entire career has been a.. a.." "Tragic series of monkey-brained mistakes?" "Key learning."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 04, 2003's comic on:


Tags #website, #customer success, #closest things, #complaint letters, #few words, #kick to kiss, #change context, #reviews, #technology

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"Tina, we need some customer success stories for the web site." "The closest things we have are these complaint letters. Just change a few words." "Change 'kick' to 'kiss' and this one is done, albeit disturbingly."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 10, 2003's comic on:


Tags #charging hours to project, #one meeting, #one hour, #extensive preparation, #evaluated, #57 hours, #sat quiet, #charging

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"Wally, why have you been charging all of your hours to my project?" "I invited you to one meeting. It lasted one hour." "Do you think I would go to a meeting without extensive preparation?" "Okay.. that's another hour." "How many more do you need explained?" "Fifty-eight." "After the meeting, I sat quietly and evaluated what everyone said. That took fity-seven hours." "Ha! You're still an hour short. Explain THAT!" "Do you mind if I sit quietly and think about that question for a while?"