Boss Bossy Comic Strips - Page 96

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Priorities

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Priorities - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags priorities, culture, company, money, greed, business

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Alice: There seems to be some confusion about what our company culture is. Boss: Our priorities are honesty, integrity, and return on investment. Alice: Which priority is the highest? Boss: Integrity won't buy me a new boat.

Something About Honesty

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Something About Honesty - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags company, culture, business, concept, abstraction

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Dilbert: I want to make sure my project plan is consistent with our company culture. But I don't know what our culture is. Maybe you could describe it? Boss: Um... maybe something about honesty? Dilbert: No, I would have noticed that by now.

Culture As An Asset

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Culture As An Asset - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags company, culture, motivation, strategy, buzzword, jargon, business

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Boss: I've been telling employees that our culture is our best asset. Catbert: Do they pretend that makes sense? Boss: Yes, because we have a culture of lying to avoid conflict.

Culture Is Our Greates Strength

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Culture Is Our Greates Strength - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags culture, company, competition, obliviousness, modesty, business

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Boss: Our greatest strength is our company culture. Dilbert: What's our company culture. Wally: Give us a hint. Boss: We're fiercely competitive. Wally: Do we hide it because we're also modest?

Virtual Vr And Jail Program

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Virtual Vr And Jail Program - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags virtual reality, cubicle, office, torture

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Dilbert: As you requested, I wrote a VR program that makes users feel as if they are in cubicles. I put only your name on the credits because I expect an angry mob to kill whoever created it. I also wrote a VR jail program in case you want to be in protective custody. Boss: I might need that.

Vr Cubicle

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Vr Cubicle - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags virtual reality, office, cubicle, fantasy, illusion

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Boss: We're going to use our VR technology to take over the cubicle business. Write a program that makes users feel as if they are working in a fabric-covered box. Dilbert: Maybe we should think outside the box. Boss: Stop resisting change.

Evil Orc

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Evil Orc - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags fantasy, virtual reality, work, boss, orc, monster

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Dilbert: I wrote a VR program that turns the workplace into a "Lord Of The Rings" adventure. Gaaaa!!! It's an evil orc! Boss: I guess your program randomly assigns characters to real people. Dilbert: Um, yes, random.

Wally Volunteers For Vr Project

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Wally Volunteers For Vr Project - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags vr, virtual reality, nap, sleeping, work, laziness, work ethic, deception

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Wally: I'd like to work on the VR headset project on top of my other duties. Boss: That's weird. You've never volunteered for extra work before. Wally: People change. Boss: Or not.

Bug In The Platform

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Bug In The Platform - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags work ethic, excuse, laziness, proof

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Boss: Did you add the new feature yet? Wally: No, I had to fix a critical bug in the platform first. Boss: I have no way to verify that claim. Wally: That's why it's a good one.

3 D Printer Will Save Millions

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3 D Printer Will Save Millions - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags altruism, money, profit, big business, priorities, morals, life

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Dilbert: I invented a 3-D printer for the poor that can create any kind of generic drug or medical device. It will save millions. Boss: ...of dollars? Dilbert: People. Boss: Pass.