Dogbert The Consultant Comic Strips - Page 96

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for Dogbert The Consultant

View 951 - 960 results for dogbert the consultant comic strips. Discover the best "Dogbert The Consultant" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #tv ad eeffectivesness, #heard of company, #boring commercial, #viewers drift off, #ad money, #special hole

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert says to Wally and The Boss, "A survey of your TV ad effectiveness shows that no one has heard of your company." Dogbert continues, "Your ad only says your name once, at the end of a boring commercial when viewers have drifted off." Dogbert holds up a drawing of Ratbert in a hole and says, "I recommend throwing your ad money into a special kind of hole." The Boss responds, "When can we start?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #full service broker, #stick broker, #brokers know stocks, #earn trust, #direct approach, #garbage, #biggest commission

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert walks into the office of a Full Service Broker. The Broker introduces himself to Dilbert, "I'm Bob Weaselton, your full-service stockbroker." Bob continues, "There are two ways we can go here." Bob continues, "Option one: I act as if brokers know which stocks are better than others." Bob continues, "Then I'll earn your trust by comparing your portfolio to misleading benchmarks." Bob continues, "But I prefer a more direct approach." Bob continues, "Option two: I sell you whatever garbage earns me the biggest commission." Dilbert comes home and says to Dogbert, "Would you do me a favor and lie to me?" Dogbert responds, "Nice haircut."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #new ceo, #robbed us, #breaking law, #written opinion, #tax lawyer, #board of directors, #loading van

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert is at home and still has his wrists bound. He says to Dogbert, "Then our new CEO backed up a moving van to the building and robbed us." Dilbert continues, "At first we thought he was breaking the law, but he had a written opinion from his tax lawyer saying it was probably okay." Dogbert asks, "What did the board of directors do?" Dilbert replies, "After loading the van?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #hate everyone, #entire world, #weasels, #wide eyed, #innocent child, #unconditionally, #tiny wesels

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert comes home and says to Dogbert, "Today I realized I hate everyone in the entire world." Dilbert continues, "I used to think I might like some people I hadn't met. But now I think they're weasels too." Dogbert asks, "How about a wide-eyed and innocent child who loves you unconditionally?" Dilbert responds, "Tiny weasels."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #evolving zit, #third eye, #cosmic reasons, #dinosaur, #topical antibiotics, #tivo

View Transcript

Transcript

The Bullysaur says to Bob, "Hello, Bob. I hear you're evolving a zit into a third eye, trying to get an advantage." Bob responds, "Gaaa!! No, it's only for cosmetic reasons, I swear!!" The Bullysaur mutters, "Hmm..." Dogbert and Dilbert are on the couch. Bob's voice is heard, "Gaaa!!" Dogbert asks Dilbert, "Wanna watch a dinosaur be forced to use topical antibiotics?" Dilbert responds, "No, I have 'TIVO.'"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #punctuated equilibrium, #third eye, #natural advantage, #dinosaurs, #enemies, #ziteye

View Transcript

Transcript

Bob says to Dogbert, "I plan to use punctuated equilibrium to turn this zit into a third eye." Dogbert replies, "That's not a natural advantage. You'd better stay away from the fitter dinosaurs." Bob says, "Ha ha! My only enemies are Bullysaurs and they..." A Bullysaur sneaks up behind Bob and calls out, "Hey, zit eye!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #pet peeve, #cellphones, #restaurants, #public, #talk louder, #just rude, #decides whats rude, #commitee, #common sense, #drive through, #using microphone

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert, Dogbert, and a woman are walking outside. The woman says, "My pet peeve is when people use their cell phones in restaurants." Dilbert asks, "Why? Do they talk louder than the other people in the restaurant?" The woman responds, "No. It's just rude." Dilbert asks, "Who decides what is rude? Is there a committee?" The woman responds, "It's common sense. You're not supposed to talk into electronic gadgets at a restaurant." Dilbert asks, "What about a drive-through place? Is it okay to order your food using the microphone?" The woman is visibly frustrated. Dogbert answers his cell phone, "Yello." Dogbert says into his cell phone, "Hi, Ratbert... Yeh, he made the mistake of talking... The goodnight kiss is a definite no-go." Dogbert continues into the phone, "No, it's not awkward, but thanks for asking."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #analyzed, #corporate culture, #findings, #bunch unmotivated, #weasels, #knapsack

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert reports to The Boss, "I've analyzed your corporate culture and put my findings in this report." The Boss reads the report aloud, "The employees are a bunch of unmotivated weasels. I look good in this hat." Dogbert says, "I would have mentioned my knapsack but it's only a summary."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #females do hunting, #alice stalks prey, #razor sharp words, #hyenas are laughing, #tears her prey

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert observes Alice and records, "The females of the group do all the hunting. The one I call Alice stalks her prey." Alice is angrily typing an email, "Grrrrr." Dogbert continues, "She pounces. Her razor-sharp words tear the prey to shreds." In another cubicle, a coworker has been burnt and is emitting smoke. Other coworkers lean over the cubicle wall and laugh. Dogbert thinks, "The results are gruesome. Only the hyenas are laughing."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #study culture, #in company, #detailed recommendations, #docile outcast, #drinks brown water, #staple tracking device

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert is standing on The Boss' desk wearing a hat, a backpack, and holding a stick. Dogbert says, "I will study the culture in your company and make detailed recommendations." Dogbert observes Wally and records, "The one I call Wally is a docile outcast who eats bananas and drinks brown water." Dogbert asks Wally, "Do you mind if I staple this tracking device to your ear?" Wally responds, "Not really."