Dont Exist Comic Strips - Page 96

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for Dont Exist

View 951 - 960 results for dont exist comic strips. Discover the best "Dont Exist" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting, #late, #confused, #yelling, #stupidity, #excuses, #uncooperative, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "Sorry I'm late. A truck turned over on the highway. What did I miss?" Man says, "We don't want to rehash the entire meeting." Dilbert says, "How about a quick summary?" Man says, "No, if we leave out any details, you'll think we made the wrong decision." Man says, "It's best for us if we keep you ignorant and angry." Dilbert says, "IF you marginalize me, I will become a nemesis to your project!" Man says, "I'm cool with that." Man says, "Sort of like a mascot?" Dilbert says, "A nemesis is not like a mascot!" Man says, "Maybe you could wear a giant squirrel costume."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #reading, #e-mail, #money, #broke, #budget cuts, #cleaning, #toilet

View Transcript

Transcript

To all staff: We had to let our cleaning crew go for budget reasons. In a separate e-mail, I will explain our new 'Adopt a toilet' program. Dilbert says, "I have to be honest, Timmy. I don't see college in your future."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #therapist, #imagination, #prank, #lying down, #cruel, #psychology

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "I worry that the bolzmann brain hypothesis is true and my reality is entirely imagined." Dilbert says, "But if I'm imagining my life, why don't I imagine better things happening to me?" Therapist thinks, "I'll probably regret this practical joke." Mmmm

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #appointment, #argument, #ridiculous, #security, #struggling, #angry

View Transcript

Transcript

Man says, "Hi, I'm Tom Jackson. I have a meeting with your boss." Carol says, "He has no one by that name on his calendar." Carol says, "The only people he's meeting today are Fob Meterfon, Gom Axfon, and Dabe Aggams." Man says, "Maybe when your boss said he was meeting with 'Tom Jackson' you heard it as 'Gom Axfon.'" Carol says, "Is that how you want to play this? Really?" Carol says, "Security, come arrest this man!!" Man says, "I'm Gom Axfon! I'm Gom Axfon!" The Boss says, "Where's Tom Jackson?" Carol says, "Don't you start with me."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #work, #project, #change, #angry, #frustrated, #stupidity

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "I made some improvements to your drawings and sent them for fabrication." Dilbert says, "Gaaa!!!" The boss says, "But don't worry - I left your name on them so you'll get all of the credit." Dilbert says, "Waaaa!!!" The boss says, "You don't handle good news very well." Dilbert says, "Shoot me! Shoot me! Shoot me!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #money, #investing, #con, #violence, #lying

View Transcript

Transcript

Man says, "I'm thinking of investing in the Dogbert hedge fund." Man says, "Can you explain how it works?" Dogbert says, "It's simple I take your money and then use math to turn it into my money while destroying the overall economy." Man says, "Is that legal?" Dogbert says, "More so than you'd think." Man says, "What's in it for me?" Dogbert says, "My inflated claims will give you false hope." Dogbert says, "That way you won't stress out until after you retire and discover you're penniless." Man says, "But I..." Bonk! Ugh! Man says, "I don't remember the last five minutes." Dogbert says, "I was telling you that my hedge fund will earn you 520% per year."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dating, #flirting, #yelling, #scared, #confused, #relationships

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "I have an actual job and I don't live at home." Dilbert says, "My offspring would probably be smart." Woman says, "My palms are getting sweaty and my heart is pounding. What is going on?" Dilbert says, "It's a Darwinian thing." Woman says, "Make it stop!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #stupidity, #ignorant, #cruel, #clueless, #angry, #yelling

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss says, "I hired a temp to cover your job while you're on vacation." The boss says, "She's far more qualified than you, and her stated goal is to replace you but don't worry." Carol says, "How am I supposed to not worry about that?" The Boss says, "yoga?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #budget, #coffee, #suggestion, #anger, #firing, #meeting, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

the boss says, "I need ideas on how we can cut spending." Wally says, bring back free coffee." the boss says, "That's the opposite of cutting spending." Wally says, "It seems that way if you're short sighted." Wally says, "When I buy my own coffee, I don't drink as much." Wally says, "That make me less alert and about half as productive." Wally says, "If you give me free coffee, you can fire Ted and come out ahead." Wally says, "I rest my case." The boss says, "I'm sorry Ted. Wally makes a compelling argument." zzz

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #pay, #economy, #nervous, #crazy

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert says, "Asok, we need to cut your pay again. But maybe you could get a second job." Asok the intern says, "Second???" Asok the intern says, "I am already doing freelance I.T. support?and donating blood?and working as a male escort." Catbert says, "I don't need the details." Asok the intern says, "Running guns...Robbing graves...Starting a hedge fund..."`