New System Comic Strips - Page 96

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for New System

View 951 - 960 results for new system comic strips. Discover the best "New System" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Catbert, #hr director, #boss treats, #furniture, #dangerous predent, #new position, #tried crounching

View Transcript

Transcript

Caption: Catbert: H.R. Director" Allan is in Catbert's office. He has a lapm strapped to his back. Allan says. "My boss treats me like furniture." Catbert says, "I'd help you, but it might set a dangerous precedent." Allan says, "I need a new position." Catbert says, "Have you tried crouching?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #sacrificial lamb, #head count vacancy, #budget cut, #shake hands, #get attached

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss introduces a new man to Dilbert. The boss says, "Dilbert, meet our new sacrifial lamb." The boss says, "I filled our headcount vacancy so we have someone to dump after the next budget cut." The lamb says, "Should we shake hands?" The boss says, "I don't want to get attached."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #shredder, #rigged, #sadistic coowrker, #void the warranty, #marketing, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice, Dilbert and wally sit at lunch. Alice says, "Don't use the shredder today." Alice says, "I rigged it to kill our new sadistic nut co-worker." Dilbert says, "Whoa! Whoa!" Dilbert says, "Doesn't that void the warranty?" Alice says, "I'll switch shredders with marketing tomorrow."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #new corporate policy, #boss reads, #alice, #falls asleep, #boring, #wordy dcoument

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss comes into Alice's cubicle and says, "Alice, we have a new corporate policy." The Boss continues, "And I quote..." The Boss begins reading, "'Initiate the description for the criteria of requirements...'" Alice looks on as the Boss continues, "'...By developing a framework for the application architecture...'" Alice's eyes begin to droop and she thinks, "So tired." The Boss continues, "'Consistent with the planning corridor specified in our strategic initiative..." Alice's head rests on the keyboard and she is asleep. The Boss says, "Did you get all that?" The Boss goes into Wally's cubicle and says, "Wally, come here for a minute?" Wally goes into Alice's cubicle with the Boss and the Boss holds out a piece of paper and asks, "Read this and tell me if she's doing any of it right now."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #supermodel, #trouble finding dates, #men are intimidated, #beauty, #computer skills, #system adminstartor, #health

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert and Dogbert sit at Dilbert's computer at home. Dilbert says, "I'm chatting with a supermodel who has trouble finding dates." Dilbert says, "She says that men are intimidated by her beauty and her computer skills." Dilbert says, "Dang! The system administrator is making a move on her." Dogbert ears fly up. Dogbert says, "Type Faster!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #microsoft headquarters, #misspelled word, #spell checking software, #market power, #new word industry

View Transcript

Transcript

Caption: "Microsoft Headquarters" A preppy man stands in front of a large desk. The person behind the desk (Bill Gates) can't be seen. Preppy man says, "We misspelled a word in our spellchecking software." Gates says, "You know what to do." Preppy man says, "Um.. use our market power to make the new word an industry standard?" Bill Gates says, "And....?" Preppy man says, "Kill myself as an example to others?" Gates says, "In our booth at "Comdex"."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #new cfo, #babbling idiot, #offcie, #dilbert questions

View Transcript

Transcript

The moron in messy suit stands in Dilbert's cubicle. The moron says, "Then we need tp PV the DCF and get the ROI to the EOC ASAP." Dilbert says, "Are you our new CFO or a babbling idiot who just happened to wander by?" The moron says, "Which one pays more?" Dilbert thinks, "The mystery deepens."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #experimental medical procedures, #unicron, #antidepressant, #therapy, #instructions, #will make laugh, #psychology

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss pionts a big ray gun like machine at Alice, Dilbert and Wally. The Boss says, "Our new line of business is testing experimental medical procedures on employees." Alice, Dilbert and Wally look shocked. The Boss says, "Today's test is called the unicorn antidepressant therapy." The Boss fiddles with the machine. The Boss says, "According to the instructions, in a few minutes, I'll see something that will make me laugh." Alice looks upward at a bump beginning to grow on her forhead. Dilbert and Wally put their hands to their brows.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #acting like king, #monarch system, #crown

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert stands on the kitchen table. Dogbert wears a crown. Dilbert sits in his bathrobe, eating breakfast and reading the newspaper. Dogbert says, "I am your king! Bow before me, peasant!" No reaction from Dilbert. Dogbert says, "This was a test of the emergency monarch system." Dogbert says, "If this were a real monarchy, you would already be wretched."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #big fat guy, #blob, #condescending, #creative director, #foster innovation, #new hire

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: Dilbert, Id like you to meet the humorless blob I hired. Blob is our new creative director. His job is to foster innovation. Dilbert: I have some ideas. Blob: Whoa, loose cannon.