One Page Report Comic Strips - Page 96

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #banned, #cell phones with cae, #copied, #digital form, #emailed anywhere, #evil director, #excellent idea, #new cell ohone, #rendered useless, #scanned, #scrap book

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"Catbert: evil director of human resources" "Excellent idea." "Cell phones with cameras are banned from the workplace." "Why?" "We don't want you taking pictures of proprietary information." "Most of our information is in digital form and can be e-mailed anywhere." "The rest is on paper that can be copied, scanned or tucked down one's trousers." "My new cell phone will be rendered useless for no good reason!" "And you aren't even banning regular cameras!!" This one goes in the scrapbook." "Snap"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #hazardous donuts, #free will, #illuison, #perceived path, #greatest pleasure, #rationalize, #deciosn, #mindless robot

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"You can't resist the shard-filled ultra-doughnuts even though you know the hazards." "Mmph" "Free will is an illusion. People always choose the perceived path of greatest pleasure." "Now, rationalize your decision, you mindless pink robot!" "I'm only having one."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #pleasure seeking orons, #shard filled donuts, #delicious, #40 thousand caloire

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"My company is selling gigantic, shard-filled doughnuts with forty thousand calories apiece." "It's based on Dogbert's theory that people are pleasure-seeking morons." "How does it taste?" "Delicious! I have one for you strapped to my car"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #revenue, #people killed by product, #health risks, #kills people

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The Boss: "Our revenue is now double the number of people that our product has killed recently." Asok: "Our product costs $80. Are you saying that each one kills 40 people?" The Boss: "Our customers know the health risks, so technically they're killing themselves." Group: "So technically we aren't scum?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #unclear objectives, #complaint, #be clear, #call a tie, #selfish

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Catbert: The number one complaint from employees is 'unclear objectives.' The Boss: My number one complaint is that it takes too much effort for me to be clear. Catbert: Lets call it a tie. The bossL what are they so selfish?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #issue, #misleading, #explination, #understand, #planning on listening

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The Boss: Tell me again what the issue is. Dilbert: do you want the simple but misleading explanation or the one you won't understand. The Boss: either one is good; I wasn't planning on listening,

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #still alive, #deadly plot, #own fault, #afford enetertainment

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Carol: You're still alive?? How can the sbe?? The Boss: What? Carol: Nothing! Never Mind! I don't know anything about a deadly plot! Its his own fault for not paying me enough to afford entertainment. Alice ; good one.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #great 3 hour meeting, #strategic core issues, #gibberish

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It's been a great three-hour meeting but I have one question. Can a business - led project management process optimize our static core issues? Was that gibberish? I thought thats what we are doing.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #recognize noredom, #stop talking about yourself, #yawn

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Dogberts school for the social oblivious. Dogbert: Today I"ll teach you to recognize when your boring. Dogbert: This is called a yawn, when you see one , stop talking about yourself. BREAKOUT SESSION Ted: And then I chopped it right onto the green. Dogbert: Look,Look!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #new voice presdient, #right and wrong, #customers project, #hate the most, #charge for time

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The Boss: "Our new vice president of ethics will help you decide what's right and wrong." Wally: "When we talk to him, what customer's project should we charge for our time?" The Boss: "Whichever one we hate the most."