Report Says Comic Strips - Page 96

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View 951 - 960 results for report says comic strips. Discover the best "Report Says" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 25, 2008's comic on:


Tags #annoyance, #garbage, #gift, #sarcasm, #re gifted, #free

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Ratbert says, "The best things in life are free, so I got you this." Dilbert says, "This looks like trash from my garbage can." Ratbert says, "You're welcome." Ratbert says, "I only chewed on the delicious parts!" Dilbert says, "Spank you very much."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 24, 2008's comic on:


Tags #animals, #livestock, #punishment, #rudeness, #preventer of information, #mordac, #penalty, #relocation, #agrarian society, #cow knows, #rebooting, #call tech support

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Mordac, the preventer of information services Mordac says, "You have exceeded your allocation for I.T. support." Mordac says, "The penalty is forcible relocation to an agrarian society." Cow says, "Seriously, even a cow knows you should try rebooting before calling tech support."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 23, 2008's comic on:


Tags #bragging, #rudeness, #selfishness, #stories, #goat cistume, #donated organs, #hollow torso, #backpack, #zipper, #family of squirrels

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Topper Returns Dilbert says, "I dreamed I was wearing a goat costume." Topper says, "That's nothing!" Topper says, "I donated all of my organs to sick people. Now I use my hollow torso like a backpack." "Dilbert says, "And I tried to go on a date." Topper says, "See my zipper? I took in a family of squirrels!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 22, 2008's comic on:


Tags #blame, #costume, #date, #lying, #work clothes, #scapegoat, #depatment, #entire comapny, #men in unifrom

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Dilbert says, "I didn't have time to change out of my work clothes." Dilbert says, "I'm working as a scapegoat for my department. Someday I hope to be a scapegoat for the entire company." Dilbert says, "You told me women like men in uniform." Dogbert says, "I say things."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 21, 2008's comic on:


Tags #agreement, #areas of expertise, #business units, #confusion, #consolidate shared services, #diagnostic review, #evil director, #from centers, #invoice, #meeting, #presentation, #business

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Catbert: Evil director of human resources man says, "My consultants can transform human resources." man says, "We'll start with a diagnostic review." man says, "Then you'll form centers of excellence around areas of expertise." man says, "Next, you'll consolidate shared services and drive continuous improvement." man says, "Business units will translate operational imperatives into HR actions. Catbert says, "Does any of that mean the same as firing idiots and cutting the budget?" man says, "Which answer gets us hired?" Catbert says, "Try yes." Man says, "Yes!" Catbert says, "Great. Put a bow on it and send me the invoice."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 20, 2008's comic on:


Tags #blame, #costume, #meeting, #scapegoat, #senario set up, #luck, #business

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Dilbert the scapegoat The Boss says, "I need you for a meeting with my boss." The Boss says, "About five minutes, into the meeting I'm going to start punching you. With any luck, my boss will join in." Dilbert says, "Maybe that shouldn?t be called luck." The Boss says, "Okay...Skill. Whatever."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 16, 2008's comic on:


Tags #imagination, #experince, #email, #boss, #hurts brain, #think about it, #team players, #new projects, #form of evil, #people squander it

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Asok says, "Is it my imagination or am I doing your job, plus mine?" Wally says, "That's not your imagination, Asok." Wally says, "It's a little thing I call experience." Wally says, "Once a week, I e-mail our pointy-haired boss and ask him a question." Wally says, "I make the question so complicated that it hurts his brain." The Boss says, "Ow! Ow! Ow!" Wally says, "He'll spend the rest of the week avoiding me so he doesn't need to think about it." Wally says, "Meanwhile he seeks out team players and hammers them with new projects." Asok says, "So... experience is a form of evil?" Wally says, "Not always. Some people squander it."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 15, 2008's comic on:


Tags #dinner date, #interesting story, #self aware, #build an army, #killer robots

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A woman says, "Tell me an interesting story." Dilbert says, "Our spam filter became self-aware and ordered us to build an army of killer robots. My coworker, Alice, punched them all to death." The woman says, "I'm not even in that story."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 14, 2008's comic on:


Tags #robots went bad, #murderous ramapage, #unfahionable, #overpaid, #robots, #fist of death, #stuck

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The Boss says, "Our robots went bad. They're on a murderous rampage." Dogbert says, "I'll take care of it." Dogbert says, "Hey, Alice. Guess who says your hair is unfashionable and you're overpaid? Robots." Alice says, "Little help, please. My fist of death is stuck."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 13, 2008's comic on:


Tags #murderous ramopage, #robots, #issue on agenda, #next meeting

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Dilbert says, "Our robots have gone on a murderous rampage." The Boss says, "I'll put that issue on the agenda for our next meeting." Dilbert says, "Ha ha! You're an issue!"