Topper Versus Alice Comic Strips - Page 96

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 08, 2005's comic on:


Tags #good news, #Promotion, #you didn't get it, #misogyny, #screams

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The boss: I have good news about the promotion you wanted: You didn't get it! Alice: "HOW COULD YOU POSSIBLY CALL THAT GOOD NEWS?" The boss: "They don't like positivity."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 07, 2005's comic on:


Tags #raises, #percentage raises, #dont discuss, #humilaiting, #low raises, #wages, #money

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"Please don't discuss your raise with co-workers." "Whatever." "Let's see how the losers and morons did." "You only got 6%? I got 8%." "9%. Why do you ask?" "7.5%. Anything less would be humiliating." "Well, let me see...I think it was..." "Brace for impact." "8.5%" "GAAA!!" "Has she yet learned why it is a bad idea to discuss her raise with co-workers?" "Sounds like it."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 02, 2005's comic on:


Tags #mordac, #preventer of information, #screen saver, #modified, #seconds of inactivity, #head bobbing bird

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"I am Mordac, the preventer of information technology. I have modified your screensaver security to lock up after two seconds of inactivity." "Ha ha! Unless you touch the keyboard every two seconds you will be forced to log-in again!" "Dang you perpetually moving head-bobbing bird! Gaaa!!!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 31, 2005's comic on:


Tags #alice, #boss, #car call, #diustarcted, #made distracted, #driving, #crashed

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Rrring! Alice : Now what? This is alice. Jo its your boss. alice: GAAA! its a car call. he's using me toenetratin himself while he's sitting in traffic Boss: How everything? Alice: I'll lose and hour of my life if I don't get him off the phone, Boss: Nice weather today. Alice: Do me a favor and look in your brief case to see if my latest report is there. The boss: Okay. The boss: and turn down your radio so Ic an hear you...and check your calendar on you pda GAA!!! CRASH! IM going to hell.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 26, 2005's comic on:


Tags #quality estimates, #arm, #torso, #stupid elbow, #forgetful, #yelling, #bearting, #holding document, #senior moments

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The boss: "Alice, where are the quality estimates that I asked you for an hour ago?" "It's between your left arm and your stout torso, about elbow-high." "Stupid elbow."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 25, 2005's comic on:


Tags #20 % staff, #failing perfromance, #required, #muscles, #money hurlage, #metting, #denounce employees, #criticize

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"The company requires me to give failing performance reviews to 20% of my staff." "There are four of you, so that works out to...80% of a person." "Wally, your calf muscles and ankles are performing well, but the rest of you is monkey hurlage."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 22, 2005's comic on:


Tags #minor success, #chance corporate ruination

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The project has a 70% chance of minor success and a 30% chance of corporate ruination. The Boss: I like those odds. when can we start. Dilbert: Start? I wish we had ten more projects like this one.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 03, 2005's comic on:


Tags #freeze n expenses, #freeware version, #readily available, #coffee sipping, #noises

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I couldn't buy the software I need to do my job because of your freeze on expenses. "And our I.S. policy says I can't use the freeware version that is readily available." "So I used the week to develop some new coffee-sipping noises."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 02, 2005's comic on:


Tags #manager sounding voice, #promotion to management, #no qualifications

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"Congratulations, Alice. You're one of my two candidates for the promotion to management." "The other candidate has no qualifications except for his manager-sounding voice." "And he doesn't make that face.:

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 01, 2005's comic on:


Tags #british acent, #swoon, #fake ccent, #single, #girls fight, #married

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"I think I'm in love with the new guy because of his fake British accent." "He's mine!" "You're married." "I am? Wow! His British accent made me forget." "I say, old beans, did anyone see my brolly on the lift?" "Swoon" "I'm single."