Women Dont Comic Strips - Page 96

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 29, 2007's comic on:


Tags #new years eve, #celebrate calendar event, #hair brush as loofah

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Ratbert: What kind of party are we having for New Year's Eve? Dilbert: "Why would I celebrate an arbitrary calendar event?" Ratbert: "Suddenly I don't feel so bad about using your hairbrush as a loofah."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 23, 2007's comic on:


Tags #management retreat, #golfing, #swimming, #drinking, #getting massages, #count printer papaer, #meaningless work assigned, #dead body, #Sports

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The Boss: "I'm off to the management retreat." "I won't be reachable because I'll be busy golfing, swimming, drinking, and getting massages." Carol: "And attending meetings?" The Boss: "I don't see how we'll have any time for that." "While I'm gone, I have a few tasks for you to do." "Open all the packages of printer paper and make sure they have the right number of sheets." "Then crawl into the heating ducts and see if you can find what died in there." Carol: "It's my last boss." the Boss: "Spray him with something lemony."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 22, 2007's comic on:


Tags #enhance strategy, #next adjacency, #no way to verify

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The Boss: "What have you done lately to enhance our strategy into the next adjacency?" Dilbert: "I don't know what that means, so I'm going to say 'everything.'" The Boss: "He's lucky there's no way to verify that claim."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 15, 2007's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #dont know, #creating illusion, #work, #conflating, #concepts, #attendence, #prodcutivity, #business

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Tina: I don't know you. Why are you in this meeting? Wally: "I'm creating the illusion of work by conflating the concepts of attendance and productivity." "You should leave." Wally: "And who should I say hates teamwork?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 12, 2007's comic on:


Tags #coffe pot, #coffee stand, #offcie, #yell, #order coffee, #quality of life, #taste better

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Carol: "Don't you dare take another cup of coffee." "The more you drink, the more often I have to order coffee. You are destroying my quality of life!" "Gaaa!!!" Wally: "If this doesn't make the coffee taste better, I don't know what will."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 09, 2007's comic on:


Tags #cost estimate, #user requirements, #estimate, #go over budget, #fired, #Number, #ten million dollars, #know cost, #input

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The Boss: "I need a cost estimate on your project." Dilbert: "I have no idea I haven't even gathered the user requirements." The Boss: "Don't worry I won't hold you to the estimate." Dilbert: "Yes you will. You will put it in the plan, forget we had this conversation, and fire me when I go over budget." The boss: "Give me a number or I'll fire you right now." Dilbert: "Okay, it will cost ten million dollars." The Boss: "That's too high." Dilbert: "If you already know the cost why are you asking me?" The Boss: "So you'll feel like you had input." Dilbert: "Is input supposed to feel this bad?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 06, 2007's comic on:


Tags #prototype, #perfectly safe, #grim reaper, #works for free

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The boss: "Don't worry, Asok. The prototype is perfectly safe." The boss: "I found you a co-pilot. He's a bit grim, but he works for free." Copilot: "Hey, I wonder what this button does."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 01, 2007's comic on:


Tags #not enough recources, #project, #look lame, #fixed capacity, #dedicated higher priorities, #donated blood, #hurricane victims

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The boss: "Never tell anyone we don't have enough resources to do a project. It makes us look lame." "Instead, say we have a fixed capacity that is already dedicated to higher priorities. That makes whoever asked us for help look lame." Wally: "Can I keep telling people I donated all of my blood to hurricane victims?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 25, 2007's comic on:


Tags #boss, #worker, #office, #wrong path, #precise verbal explanation, #embarrassment of undoing, #good plan, #progress, #mistreatment of workers, #corrupt policices, #bad boss

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The Boss: "Dilbert, I need you to do something, but I don't have time to fully explain it." "I'll give you just enough information to send you down the wrong path." "Later, after you do it wrong. I'll treat you like you're some sort of idiot." "Then I'll put you through the embarrassment of undoing everything you did." "This might not sound like a good plan to you." "But it takes the task off of my plate and puts it on yours." "That's called progress." Dilbert: "Today I helped make progress." Garbageman: "Better luck tomorrow."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 18, 2007's comic on:


Tags #career day, #classroom, #guest speaker, #Dilbert, #engineering, #tells all, #explaining things, #to idiots, #make decisions, #misinterpreting, #massic=ve problems, #rumors overwhelm, #assign blame, #unpopular

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Career Day Teacher: "Class, today Dilbert will tell us what a career in engineering is all about." Dilbert: "My job involves explaining things to idiots.""Then the idiots make decisions based on misinterpreting what I said." "Then it is my job to try and fix the massive problems caused by the bad decisions." "Eventually rumors overwhelm facts, and I give up." "In the final phase, I assign blame to a unpopular coworker." "So whatever you do in life don't be unpopular." Teacher: "Don't listen to him!" Dilbert: "Said the unpopular teacher."