Can't Go First Comic Strips - Page 96

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #anger, #christmas, #gods, #party, #too busy, #almighty creator, #universe, #schedule, #holiday

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Boss: Our Christmas party will be in January because December will be too busy. Wally: I'm sure the Almighty Creator of the Universe doesn't mind that we do things on your schedule, not his. What could go wrong? Dilbert: I hear thunder.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #frustration, #money, #takes money, #makes money

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Boss: IT takes money to make money. Dilbert: Where did the first money come from? Wally: I'm pretty sure it takes money to waste money, too Boss: Please stop talking!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #choosing, #committees, #frustration, #agreement with plan

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The Noncommittal Committee Dilbert: Does everyone agree with the plan? Woman 1: It depends. Man 1: Ask me later. Man 2: Eh. Woman 2: I'll think about it. Dilbert: Make a decision!!! Voice: Is this your first day?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #anger, #optimism, #positive influences, #bad energy

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Asok: Experts say I should surround myself with people who are positive influences. Alice: I'M ON A CALL! Asok: I think I absorbed some bad energy. Wally: Go away before you bum me out.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #competition (psychology), #inventions, #space flight, #elon musk, #space hsips, #electric cars, #electric rocket, #robots, #colonize, #planet, #power cord

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CEO: I want to be more visionary than Elon Musk. All he does is build spaceships and electric cars. I want you to build me an electric rocket ship full of robots that can colonize other worlds. Which planet should we do first? Dilbert: Depends how long the power cord is.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #vendor, #software patch, #installed, #add value, #tested, #business

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Boss: Ask the vendor if they have a software patch to fix our problem. Dilbert: I already asked for the patch, installed it, and thoroughly tested in in production. Boss: I think I'll go add value someplace else. Dilbert: That's a good place to do it.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #baked products, #coaches & coaching, #stress, #will power is finite, #cake for lunch, #coaching session, #long hours

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Boss: Studies say willpower is finite. If you use it for one thing, you have less for another. So if it feels hard to work long hours, without any reward, try eating cake for lunch. Wally: How'd your coaching session go? Dilbert: For once, it wasn't all bad.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #exercise & fitness, #fear, #obesity, #insanity workout video, #sixty pounds, #one day, #sweat, #water weight, #obsession

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Wally: Weren't you obese yesterday? Dilbert: I got the "Insanity" workout video. Wally: What kind of exercise makes you lose sixty pounds in one day? Dilbert: I didn't exercise. All I did was watch it. Shaun T: And that was the easy part...

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #obliviousness, #thinking, #judge them, #chipmunk, #judge algebra, #complex and useful, #innovative circuit design, #engineer, #office setting, #desks, #computers, #engineering

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Boss: Do you have any great ideas? Dilbert: How would I know? Boss: You could tell me your ideas and I'll judge them Dilbert: That's like asking a chipmunk to judge algebra. Boss: Are you comparing me to algebra? Dilbert: Sure, let's go with that. Boss: That makes sense because algebra is complex and useful... just like me. Dilbert: So... what do you think of this innovative circuit design? Boss: It's um... fine? Dilbert: Said the chipmunk to the engineer.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #fusion powered robot, #speed of light, #budget, #micromanaged, #leadership, #needy followers, #business

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Boss: Great leaders set high standards and stay out of the way. So... I want you to build a fusion-powered robot that can run faster than the speed of light! While you're doing that, I'll be staying out of your way. You won't see or hear from me. I won't even respond to email. Dilbert: Is there a budget for this impossible project? Boss: Sheesh! Look who needs to be micromanaged! Now I can't go hide. You've ruined my leadership! Boss: It's hard to be a great leader when all of my followers are so needy.